DEEP SEA MUTANT SNAKE (2022)
This was a Wal-Mart purchase, meaning it's not something I would normally entertain. But it was the right price at the right time, and boy, this thing looked ridiculous. As a collector, there are times when you have to (italicized for impact) buy a movie sight unseen. Other nerds can empathize, though I don't know how many other nerds have seen Deep Sea Mutant Snake. I can only sigh at the current state of "giant snake" flicks. Anaconda was released nearly thirty years ago, and this is where we are? Don't give me any bunkum with respect to budgetary restrictions. The CGI is absurd. Mutant Snake is a Chinese production, but I could sneeze and my mucus would land on a product made in China with more value than this turkey stillbirth. In spite of (atrocious) dubbing, it's clear that the cast is second-rate. I know, I know...acting isn't terribly important here. Was anything important to director Wu Yang?
By the way, this is Yang's sole credit as a craftsman. Shocking, no? I had to resort to reading the synopsis on IMDb to figure out what was happening. And that was after I watched the film. We get an evil corporation, a mammoth serpent, a more mammoth serpent, and a cruise ship plagued with bog-standard serpents. They just show up. There is a commitment to randomness at play, which you'd think I would appreciate. At the hour mark, the pace breathes so that we can learn a little about our gallant hero. I remember nothing. Character names? I'm drawing a blank. My 2-Z'Dar rating might seem generous, but Deep Sea Mutant Snake (or Deep Brown Sea, as I like to call it) does deliver dumb action. Really, really dumb action. If you want actual fun on a cruise ship, I'd advise popping in Deep Rising for the tenth time. Matter of fact, I might pop Deep Rising in tonight. Thank you, Wal-Mart?
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