PUMPKINHEAD: ASHES TO ASHES (2006)
I thought I had seen this film when it debuted on the Sci-Fi/Syfy Channel, but apparently, I was mistaken. This misfire is all new to me, so I'm offended nineteen years too late. Yes, offended. Where do I even begin? Ashes to Ashes tries to be a direct sequel to the original. That's where it falls short. It repositions - or "'remakes" - beats from Stan Winston's Pumpkinhead without any of the character that made those beats work in the first place. Within the first ten minutes, we are told that someone has been wronged, a corpse has been defiled by a crooked undertaker. Naturally, we don't learn anything about these people and we don't have a reason to be invested in their story. Remember when Ed Harley visited the pumpkin patch and found Pumpkinhead's eerie grave? Remember how that moment was cloaked in atmosphere? Here, Pumpkinhead is dug up by some random lunkhead. That's your cast, by the way. Random lunkheads. And a disheveled Lance Henriksen (more on him later).
The script has the audacity to bring back Bunt from the first movie, the only yokel youngin' with street savvy. Ashes has turned him into a mentally-challenged manchild. Moreover, Douglas Roberts' performance is putrid. Speaking of putrid, the CGI...Jesus wept, the CGI. The creature effects are standard for the most part, but yeah, the digital stuff is tantamount to Sega Genesis horseplay. Oh, Doug Bradley collects a paycheck as the town heavy. I'm so impressed. According to IMDb, Henriksen was so thrilled with the project, he left the film's premiere before he was called on stage for the Q&A. Y'know, Blood Wings was forgettable, but it didn't piss me off. Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes pissed me off. Most men would lay their weapons down at this point, but I'm committed to see this charade through. Am I just destined to see through this charade? We shall see.
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