4/27/17

NXT Round-Up?


Dom, why the question mark?  Well, I'm not sure about the title, though I may keep it.  I was hoping that one of you obliging chaps could help devise something more clever.  Anyshit, this is the first of what I'd like to be many round-ups of NXT, airing weekly on the WWE Network.  I'm not an abettor, but I do subscribe (mainly because of NXT).


-NIKKI CROSS VS. RUBY ROSE-

I feel like such a dicknose saying this, but I can't stand Ruby's face.  I won't use the "u" word.  It's just that she has the bone structure of a bird.  Birdman was awesome, but I wasn't crazy about The Bird People in China.  So yeah.  Thankfully, she can work, as evidenced by her indie exploits under the name Heidi Lovelace.  Nikki is badass, and her gimmick does harmonize with that of Ruby.  It may not be apparent at first (it took me a minute to decrypt), but the storyline here has a few layers.  I'm on board!  Let's see where this goes.


-DREW MCINTYRE VS. ANDRADE CIEN ALMAS-

So Almas has found a groove as the aloof, happy-go-lucky heel. The interview segment where he blows off questions and hops into a limousine with a concourse of club chicks was a great touch. Meanwhile, McIntyre (an old favorite of mine) continues to build momentum with win after win.  He has a rugged look that suits him. I'll never understand why Vinnie Mac didn't push him to Neptune during his initial run with the company, especially after branding him "The Chosen One."  There is no excuse this time around.  Oh, and can he have a new finisher?  There are too many NXT/WWE superstars with kick-based signature moves.


-ALEISTER BLACK VS. KONA REEVES-

Black is a cool character.  I dig how they're introducing him, but does the entrance need to be so leisurely, for lack of a better term?  He's not The Undertaker.


-TYLER BATE VS. JACK GALLAGHER-

This match was exactly what I expected it to be, and that's an endorsement.  Technical, hard-hitting, knitted with "pretzel" submissions...that shit looked painful.  Best of all, it wasn't a clown match.  We got to see the Jack Gallagher from the Cruiserweight Classic, as opposed to the punchinello jester twerp we see on Raw. A sound way to end the show.

4/24/17

Patience


Patience, my sweets.  Patience.  Go back...to sleeeeeeep...

4/19/17

Shit Happened

NXT is on tonight and I'd like to do a weekly recap/review of the show.  I would have knocked out another movie review by now, but fucking shit happened.  There's a bumper sticker in there somewhere.  I'll get to everything eventually.  Calm down!

4/15/17

I Voided


The Void started out as an Indiegogo campaign.  I remember seeing the "concept reel" (or "whatever the fuck") and being blown away. But that's the thing; images are easy.  I watched the final product last night, and visually, this cooter knocks it out of the park.  Huh, I've never referred to a movie as a cooter before.  Groundbreaking? MAYBE.

Right, so if you've heard rumblings about The Void, the practical effects are just as amazing as you might be prognosticating.  As a point of reference, go all the way back to Stuart Gordon's From Beyond.  Or John Carpenter's The Thing.  If it were released in the early-to-mid 80's, it would be prized as a cult classic today.  No question.  Unfortunately, the answers we are given for the gooey nightmare fuel don't actually answer many questions.  It's a moderately thin explanation.  Overall, I still had fun, as it's nice to see true-blue horror in 2017 that doesn't fall over itself winking at the audience.

I guess that's it.  I didn't have time to do a full, in-depth review (family is visiting).  Besides, I wouldn't want to stray from my David Cronenberg binge, now would I?

4/13/17

Blood Capsule #71

SCANNERS (1981)

I saw this film as a teenager.  It didn't win me over, if I'm being honest.  I wanted to give it another chance to stroke my liverwurst. David Cronenberg is among my favorite directors, after all.  Sure enough, it took two viewings to finish Scanners, as I fell asleep at the mezzo point.  Even genre annalists have to admit that it's a dull sit.  I did enjoy it more this time around.  Michael Ironside is fucking phenomenal (and a teensy bit creepy) as the villainous scanner who goes rogue.  I loved Patrick McGoohan and Cronenberg regular Robert Silverman as a scientist who knows more than he lets on and one of Revok's converts, respectively.

Was that a hypozeuxis?  Click HERE to find out!  Sorry.  I'm so, so sorry.  Anyway, it never feels like Scanners is trying to entertain you. It doesn't care about the viewer.  Having said that, it's extremely interesting.  Note that that's not the same thing as being enthralling or engaging.  I held on and paid dear attention, but I was left with a sense of destitution.  Part of the problem is Stephen Lack's weak performance as Cameron, a character who isn't afforded much of a personality.  For me, this is a "whatever" flick.  But the head explosion is rad!

4/11/17

Coccaroberg

Small announcement!  The next four, maybe five movie reviews will all be (David) Cronenberg films.  One of them I have seen.  The others I have not.  Thank you.  You're welcome.

4/9/17

Album Cover of the Whatever


I'm not really into Raging Death.  They're a neo-thrash (or "nu-thrash") band with a thin sound.  But fuck that...check out the cover of their 2015 debut.  Killer, right?  The grim reaper, boobs, a full moon, vampire bats, boobs, a spookier-than-thou castle, boobs and other Dom-centric imagery.  I approve!

4/8/17

Demonicus


I don't know what possessed me to purchase 2001's Demonicus on VHS, but I did.  It's a Full Moon/Cult Video co-production.  That doesn't mean that any weighty, consequential amount of money was funneled into the assembly of this sewer de force.  It was shot on digital video, and as for the audio, yikes.  Let me try that again. Yikes!  There we go.  Was the boom microphone twined in gypsum wallboard?  Was there a draconian anti-looping policy instituted by the crew?  What I'm trying to say with these stupid words is that all of the dialogue is faint.  I could follow along, but I had to crank the volume up.

Even if this was a silent film, I doubt that I would be confused by the plot.  Hiking dumbasses (split into pairs, for dumbass reasons) stumble upon a corpse in a cave.  Lead dumbass James decides to wear the corpse's helmet (???).  This...um, "transforms" him into Demonicus, an ancient warrior who dabbled in black magic.  That's the nothing storyline.  God, this is such a nothing movie.  I'm embarrassed to be reviewing it.  I can't imagine how YOU feel, reading this nothing review.  It would be one thing if Demonicus turned out to be a pleasant surprise, an unlicked cub.  But nope. This isn't a diamond in the rough; it's spittle on an embankment of pebbles.  Or something to that effect.

Just spittle.  Yeah, it's just fuckin' spittle.  And not from a cute, sweet baby!  No, it's spittle from an asshole baby who slacks off at work and insults Mexicans.  I can make two statements in the film's favor. 1) The gore is damp.  I mean, they may only be severed limbs, but I was willing to play ball, considering the circumstances.  2) Most of the cast is competent.  I felt pity - actual pity - for the ones giving the least painful performances.  Bless their hearts.  I'll give Demonicus an extra plaudit, which I wouldn't do for most menial b-movies.  I was able to finish it, not unlike a flavorless, objectionable meal you have to plow through without thinking or breathing too much.

I've written enough about this foeticide.  Fuck Demonicus.