Scattered thoughts on Terrifier 2...

It's hard to believe that Art the Clown has been a certified horror icon for years now, but he has existed in some form since...erm, 1984.  Or 1997.  Look, I don't have the dry facts in front of me.  I can't be bothered to do research.  Clearly, my brain is in weekend mode, which means I lack the intellectual capacity to construct a cogent review.  I abstained from watching Terrifier 2 for so long, I might as well duck it in written form.  Why did I put it off?  Here comes a bulleted list!

• The fucking running time.  Seriously, 138 minutes?  What the fuck?  Pardon my language, but this carcinogenic car crash of a sequel holds maybe 80 minutes of plot.  And that's being generous!  Writer/director Damien Leone loves his ideas.  He loves his characters.  Hey, good for him.  That doesn't mean I need an extended shot of our heroine applying eyeliner or whatever the hell.  Actually, I couldn't cite a specific example because I don't know why Terrifier 2 is too long.  I just know that it is.  Damien, dude...let someone else edit your next project.  I'm begging you.
• Lauren LeVera is a damn fine actress.  I bought her "big sister" dialogue, and I can safely say that she has a future in bleeding.  Also, how inappropriate would I be if I used this blurb to flagrantly flirt with her?  The alliteration makes it worse somehow, doesn't it?
• Holy entrails, this is a violent motion picture!  I knew it was gory, but fuck.  Y'know, I've been trying to use less profanity lately, but the only words that come to mind on the topic of grue in Terrifier 2 are profane.  Shit, I felt bad for one of Art's victims.  I guess that's a positive takeaway?  Despite Art's coronation as a bonafide merchandise mover?  Question mark?  Emotions are complicated.
• I've read reviews that eulogize the pace.  They say it's "brisk" or they say that the film doesn't feel over two hours long.  These people are incorrect.  I'm sorry, but their opinions are incorrect.  Most friends I know who viewed Terrifier 2 can testify that they viewed it in piecemeal segments.  It's.  Too.  Long.
• I wanted five bullets.  It's an arbitrary number, but I wanted five.  So yeah, this is the fifth bullet.  Are you still reading?  Have you thought about contributing to my Patreon campaign?  No?  Oh.