BRAM STOKER'S THE MUMMY (1997)
Surely you remember seeing this VHS cover at your local video store in the late 90's. I don't know why (no one does), but there was a sweltering spate of mummy movies at the time. With one notable exception, these were all straight-to-video clinkers, and before you ask...no, I'm not reviewing Universal's Brendan Fraser spectacle. I'm here for the bottom feeders. Look at me talking down to this flick when, in reality, it could almost pass for presentable entertainment for the "commoners." Almost. It does star Louis Gossett Jr., and man, he chews the scenery like he hasn't eaten for days. More on casting later. The Mummy was technically adapted from Bram Stoker's The Jewel of Seven Stars, but how faithful is it? Don't ask me. I can't be expected to bone up on classic literature, unless we're discussing the merits of R.L. Stine (I typed that with my reading glasses resting on the bridge of my nose).
In doing research for this capsule, I learned that the film was co-written and directed by the same fellow who shepherded The Kindred. This was his last non-TV feature until 2018. Most curious. The lion's share of the action takes place in a fairly humdrum mansion (I mean, as far as mansions go). A doctor, a detective, and an art historian gather at the bedside of an incapacitated Egyptologist at the behest of his daughter. The old sod has been tinkering with ancient artifacts, namely a seven-sided ruby that belonged to a deposed queen. Obviously, iniquitous powers of sand and gauze are unleashed in the form of an unruly mummy hiding out in the basement. Pros? We get to see the mummy kill morons in embarrassing ways. There is even a mummy toddler in a scene ripped straight out of the Charles Band playbook. Cons? This is a talky, labored watch. The running time on the box says 96 minutes, but I swear I was sitting in front of Bram Stoker's The Mummy for at least five hours.
I'm going with three Z'Dars because...eh, it wasn't agonizing, especially compared to the rest of the lineup I've assembled for Mummy Month. Egads. Recommended to fans of Home Improvement who wish they could have seen the episode where Al Borland bangs a prostitute. Yeah, that's what I needed in my life.
