OCTOPUS (2000)
It's probably not a good sign that when someone was ensnared by a tentacle at a little past the hour mark in Octopus, I literally uttered aloud, "Oh, right. This is a killer octopus movie." I would be exaggerating if I said that I had completely forgotten, but that wouldn't be too far from the truth either. This flick has more in common with The Hunt for Red October than it does It Came From Beneath the Sea. Yes, it's a submarine thriller. To boot, it's a submarine thriller that premiered on the USA Network. I'm going to go out on a severed limb and proclaim that Red October might be the better film. Of course, I'd rather watch Octopus anyway, but that's my problem. A terse prologue tells us that the Cuban Missile Crisis resulted in barrels of radioactive waste being jettisoned to the ocean floor. Cut to thirty years later. A Bulgarian terrorist bombs the embassy, killing children and CIA agents alike. And then a giant octopus...nope, not yet. It's decided that the terrorist will be transported back to America in a submarine. And then a giant octopus shows up? Yeah.
First off, props to Octopus for dispatching a little girl in the opening scene. Secondly, this isn't a bad submarine thriller. NOTE: I don't watch stuff like Red October or Grey Lady Down, so this could be a terrible excuse for a submarine thriller. Just saying. All I know is that I didn't fall asleep in between bursts of cephalopod-coated carnage. And for your information, we're dealing with a mutant octopus. It's positively ginormous, and the best action scenes reminded me of Deep Rising. Conversely, the special effects are mostly digital. In other words, the special effects are mostly cack. Excrement. Codswallop. I think I've made my point. The only actor I remember is Carolyn Lowery. She serves as the PG-13 T&A, and for some reason, the script pushes sexual tension. It doesn't work. At all. Apparently, Lowery had a small role in Candyman, but I'll have to take IMDb's word for it. She's in one scene, tops. Director John Eyres is also responsible for 1993's Monolith, a sci-fi nugget that I reviewed forty-eight years ago.
I'll go to bat for myself and say my rating is fair. There is a sequel. Don't tempt me.
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