Blood Capsule #398

SYNGENOR (1990)

It only took nine months, but I'm finally getting around to this quasi-sequel.  Let me catch you up to speed.  1980's Scared to Death was a mediocre feature with an outstanding creature.  Producers liked the creature design so much, in fact, that they wanted to use it in a separate movie.  You could call this a "follow-up," but it's not a true sequel.  Here, our monsters (yes, there is more than one now) are weaponized for the battlefield.  The scientist spearheading the project?  Carter Brown, as portrayed by David Gale of Re-Animator fame.  So here's the thing.  I saw Syngenor twenty-five, maybe thirty years ago.  My memories are bleary, and if you had asked me for my opinion last week, I would have told you that it was forgettable.  Because I had forgotten it.  Good Lord, I'm glad you didn't ask me last week.  Gale's performance is...I'm combing through my grey matter for the right word...it doesn't exist.  The dude is positively unhinged.  Most fans would probably describe his turn in Re-Animator as over-the-top.  Syngenor clears that hurdle without breaking a sweat.

Gale nearly upstages the monsters, which is saying something.  These are nasty-looking varmints, and under the right lighting, they strike a balance between creepy and plain ol' awesome.  Speaking as a freak for practical special effects, seeing the titular bio-mutants bombard soldiers and secretaries lit me up like a Christmas tree.  I'm talking about pure joy, ladies and gentlemen.  There is a caveat.  Outside of David Gale and the SYNthetic GENetic ORGanisms, Syngenor is standard fare.  It's lunchbox horror, but I don't think I need to tell you that I collect lunchboxes.  Okay, I only own three.  It matters none.  You should go out of your way to watch David Gale go out of his mind.  Frankly, the first-class creature suits are the gratuity.  That makes director George Elanjian Jr. a gracious tipper.  Thank your waiter.  Wait, how did I get stuck with the bill???

Recommended to fans of The Guyver (why not?) and Scared to Death, I guess.

Blood Capsule #397

THE PEOPLE ACROSS THE LAKE (1988)

Sometimes, I think my friends see me as this impenetrable oracle of arcane horror knowledge, as I'm always talking about movies that no soul has seen.  The truth is less interesting.  Case in point, The People Across the Lake...I found it from flipping around on Tubi.  In a sense, I'm no different from any other nerd who inadvertently uncovers a rare gem.  I won't say that this flick is a hidden masterpiece.  There are blemishes, and I'll get to them in a minute, but it's a fine time at the cinema.  Correction!  It's a fine time in front of the tube.  Lake was made for television (it might have premiered on the USA Network).  Gerald McRaney stars as a businessman looking to escape the rigors of city life.  Naturally, that means he's uprooting the family and heading for lakefront property.  This is basically a "cabin in the woods" movie without a cabin.  The locals seem skittish.  You can probably figure out where this is going.  Bodies begin to surface in the nearby lake, and before you know it, you're watching an exceedingly dark episode of Major Dad.

This is a surprisingly bleak affair.  It's directed by Arthur Allan Seidelman with a stillness.  By that I mean, you can expect to find a lot of slow pans and fluid camera movements.  It's a notch above standard TV, in my opinion.  The mystery angle is orchestrated to perfection.  Unfortunately, the mystery has to be solved at some point.  The third act doesn't quite live up to the preceding hour.  There should be another twist or two.  The teenaged daughter is played by Tammy Lauren.  You may not recognize that name, but for me, she was the main draw.  She is the heroine of Wishmaster, one of the greatest films on God's green earth.  If you don't dig Wishmaster, we can't be friends.  Straight up.  Anyway, she's great.  Is she still active?  Why am I asking you?  I need to bring this capsule home.  The People Across the Lake is not on Blu-ray, so if you want to check it out (and you do), you'll have to stream it.  Good thing it's 2026, huh?

4!

Only four reviews left!  Can you believe it???

Blood Capsule #396

DRACULA (1979)

Ever find yourself in a position where you can't decide on a movie to watch?  Watch Dracula.  Any Dracula.  It's a safe bet.  This is the only major studio Dracula picture that I had not seen in its entirety.  It's a little more amorous than I was expecting, but the all-star cast coupled with the blustery atmosphere won me over.  Normally, this is where I would pitch to a synopsis, but it's Dracula.  Tonally, it felt like Werner Herzog's Nosferatu at times.  The opening credits want you to know that this Dracula is based on the 1931 iteration and the stage play.  It hardly seems necessary to make such a claim, given that the story doesn't take any unexpected detours.  I mean, there is no shadowy soliloquy delivered by the Count.  I'll level with you; I just really wanted to use the word "soliloquy."  How does Frank Langella fare as our vampiest of vampires?  He plays him with decorum.  I do prefer the Christopher Lee approach (all fangs), but there is nothing wrong with the performance.

Donald Pleasance is fun to watch as Dr. Seward, though it's a missed opportunity not unleashing him as Van Helsing.  Apparently, that was his decision.  Laurence Olivier handles the role of the vampire hunter with care.  Missed opportunity or not, I enjoyed the meat of Dracula.  The art direction is superb.  The cut I watched comes equipped with muted colors, an inspired choice by director John Badham (the theatrical cut looks a bit different).  Everything has a Universal flair.  Perhaps I'm stating the obvious, as this is a Universal property.  I'm awarding an extra half-Z'Dar for the multiplicity of bats.  Bats are cool.  I might rank 1979's Dracula above the garish 1992 version.  Is that a hot take?  I admit there is a Keanu Reeves-shaped hole in the script.  But that could be said of any film that doesn't star Keanu Reeves.

Blood Capsule #395

PREDATOR: BADLANDS (2025)

Out of all my friends, I was the only one who had yet to see this movie.  I had a good reason, mind you.  Um, I didn't want to pay for a Hulu subscription.  Thanks to Disney Plus, I'm all out of excuses.  I'm not complaining.  I loved Predator: Badlands.  Expectations are a strange thing.  Most people I knew came away from the film with positive takes, but I was still cautious.  Could the Yautja withstand babyface treatment?  I'm sorry, I'm using wrestling jargon.  A babyface is a good guy.  Personally, I don't know many good guys who will rip out your spinal column at a moment's notice.  And yet, it makes sense for Dek (our main Yautja) to be the protagonist within the context of the plot.  He must prove himself to be a strong warrior and opts to travel to a "death planet" to retrieve his trophy.  That being, the skull of the fearsome Kalisk.  Along the way, he meets the upper half of an android played by Elle Fanning.  Other stuff happens, but if you want a blow-by-blow breakdown of the script, I urge you to...read the script.

I'm running low on Blood Capsules, so I have to be picky when I settle on something to review.  I honestly didn't think I would dig Badlands enough to write about it, but man, I had a blast watching a Yautja essentially play an open-world video game for 107 minutes.  Even the side quests are entertaining.  At first, I wasn't sold on the dynamic between Dek and Thia (the android), but it eventually clicked into place.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss R-rated gore.  This is definitely the wholesome alternative for people getting into the shared Alien/Predator universe.  It's not like 2022's Prey was a grindhouse experience.  If I had to rank them, I'd say that Predator: Badlands is the most accomplished entry since Predator 2.  I wouldn't mind seeing a horror-leaning sequel going forward.  For the record, I also enjoyed Predator: Killer of Killers.

Blood Capsule #394

HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS (1970)

Somewhat famously, this is a pastiche of other works.  Director Al Adamson was a big fan of a Filipino horror film, so he bought the rights to it.  And he released it through his boutique Blu-ray label?  No, he chopped it up and shot footage around it.  Can you imagine if this was still a common practice?  I guess it beats a lousy remake.  Anyway, Horror of the Blood Monsters is miserable.  It's a unique kind of misery, though.  On paper, I should have had a blast with a cheap flick that flaunts crab ghouls, oodles of vampires, bat-winged cave trolls, and John Carradine.  As with the bulk of pictures made toward the end of Carradine's career, you can't really tell if it was filmed before or after his death.  Hold onto something because this is the second consecutive review where I pull out a Spookies reference.  Hey, it's warranted.  Spookies is a cut-and-paste job, but it's edited in such a way that it feels halfway cohesive.  Blood Monsters is...um, what's an antonym for "cohesive"?  It's that.  It's really, really that.

A lifeless battle between warring neanderthal tribes is rudely interrupted by a sex scene in which a couple is somehow governed by chromatic cycles of Christmas lights.  How is that an actual sentence that I just typed?  Better question; how is this an actual movie that I watched?  Despite the fact that things do happen in Blood Monsters, it's a frustratingly dull sit.  What a waste of a great title.  Do I have anything else to add?  Nope.  I did catch a well-crafted sci-fi/horror nugget last night.  I would have reviewed it, but I don't have much to say about it.  It's called Sputnik.  You can check it out on Shudder.  See, it's good, whereas Horror of the Blood Monsters is bad.  My job here is done.

Blood Capsule #393

INVASION OF THE MINDBENDERS (1987)

I'm a man of culture.  What does that mean?  It means that one of my favorite movies of all time is Spookies.  If I could remember my Letterboxd password, it would make my top four.  Easily.  I've defended it on numerous occasions, and I've even defended its (co-)director.  I'm referring to Genie Joseph.  I have long held the belief that Genie is the unsung hero of the Spookies story.  If she wasn't such an inept filmmaker, I don't think the film would have become...what it has become.  On a sidenote, if you're lost, and you haven't apprised yourself of Spookies, get on it.  My devotion to Spookies led me to Invasion of the Mindbenders, one of the few other credits on Genie's resume.  It was made after Spookies, so you'd think there would be a visible uptick in production cost.  Not necessarily.  Dear God, not necessarily.  For most of the running time, the film functions as a teen comedy.  In the eleventh hour, it decides to try its hand at science fiction.

So imagine Disturbing Behavior if it wasn't an actual movie.  There is some semblance of a "mind control" plot, but basically, the kids at Whatever High start acting funny.  The main characters realize that by playing melodic tones over the PA, the principal has been instituting a behavioral modification thingamabob to elicit obedience from his students.  Oh, and there's an alien.  Mindbenders is a chore.  It's not cute, it's not charming, and it's not well-directed (italicized for dramatic effect).  What did I expect?  How about special effects?  There are none until the closing frames.  By that point, I was ready to toss my VCR into the street.  What's worse, everyone - I mean everyone - in front of the camera screams their dialogue at seemingly random intervals.  They just scream.  Maybe it's supposed to be ironic.  Ugh.  I won't say that I regret buying Invasion of the Mindbenders because it's nice to have as a Spookies fan.  Who am I kidding?  I totally regret it. It's horrible.  Horrible.

Progress report?

I won't post here every time I write a review, but I wanted you folks (yes, you folks) to know that I just finished my write-up of Friday the 13th.  You're going to want to read it.  I'll check in with another progress report in a couple weeks.  Oh boy!