Blood Capsule #366

THE VOID (2001)

Not to be confused with 2016's The Void.  No, this isn't cosmic horror.  It's barely horror at all, but I wanted to review it to convince myself that it exists.  I mean, I have a faint memory of seeing it on a shelf in the waning years of the video store.  Ah, the video store.  This is something I would have rented, so I'm surprised that I never did.  While it can't be argued that any ties to the genre are tenuous at best, The Void does make use of primordial sci-fi tropes that ruled the day in decades past.  We have a mad scientist, a crusty old curmudgeon played by...Malcolm McDowell?  What is he doing here?  He oversees Filadyne, an evil corporation bent on recklessly smashing particles together in a vain bid to create tiny bombs.  Or something.  Eva has crunched the numbers, and she believes that McD - er, Dr. Abernathy is on the verge of creating a black hole that could swallow the totality of civilization.  So it's a race against time, which I realize doesn't sound too appetizing.

Maybe it does sound appetizing.  Maybe you're into incomprehensible, near-cabalistic techno-babble.  I'm on record as enjoying pseudo-science (or "movie science"), but I have to admit that The Void pushed me to my limits.  The question is, why didn't I hate this flick?  For starters, the cast is game.  Amanda Tapping is solid as Eva.  Apparently, she pursued a career behind the camera, but she's comfortable in front of it (though I'm pretty sure those were stunt boobs, not that I'm complaining).  Her relationship with boyfriend Steven is reasonably well-developed.  The digital effects are standard for the period.  I knew what I was signing up for, so I'm in no position to gripe about CGI.  Will I ever watch The Void again?  Probably not.  Do I wish I could have those 93 minutes back?  Nah.  I'm sure there are folks on Letterboxd who will try to be cute and tell you to "avoid The Void," but you have seen worse.  My VCR has definitely seen worse.

Random video on black metal and monster movies...

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Blood Capsule #365

THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA (1971)

Yesterday, I reviewed Count Yorga, Vampire.  I said I wasn't sure if I would review the sequel, but I guess I'm sure now.  Wouldn't it be weird if I still wasn't sure?  The Return of Count Yorga was patched together by the same creative team.  Robert Quarry is an aristocratic vampire again, although it's not explained how he survived being impaled in the first movie.  This is truly a random sequel.  At the top, I'll say that I didn't love this follow-up with as much execrated zeal (!?) as I was hoping.  I did appreciate the fact that Return attempts to tell a fresh story, as opposed to merely parroting the events of the original.  Our setting is an austere institution.  Count Yorga presents himself out of thin air (a result of the "Santa Ana winds," we are told) and falls head over wings with Cynthia, a teacher at an orphanage.  Exactly thirty minutes into the thing, his concubines rise from the earth and victimize everyone on screen.  It's a harrowing scene, and it would probably be the climax of a mediocre fright flick in the modern day.  But this isn't the modern day, now is it?

By the way, that's a minor spoiler.  It won't have an adverse effect on your viewing experience.  There is an hour to go, after all.  The second act does lag a bit, but generally speaking, the pace is kept cracking.  I dig how the camera backs off of the leads as they try to make sense of the horror that has found them.  It's a neat trick (used in the previous film as well) that lends a sense of voyeuristic dread to the exposition.  You get the feeling that Count Yorga could be watching them at all hours of the day.  Creepy, no?  The final stretch adds a few interesting wrinkles to the formula.  I definitely had fun with The Return of Count Yorga.  Fair or not, it doesn't quite compare to Yorga's incipient sojourn.  By the way, check out my prog rock band Incipient Sojourn.  We formed a couple of seconds ago, and by George, I think we have a shot at the Billboard charts.  In 1971.  Ahem...highly recommended to fans of Yorga-based sequels.

4-0-0?

Yesterday, I wrote Blood Capsule #375...we're closing in on the big 4-0-0.  If you're not aware, I've been YouTubing like crazy lately.  Click HERE to check me out over there.  I'll promote it more later on, but eventually, the idea is to embrace YouTube full time.  I now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

Blood Capsule #364

COUNT YORGA, VAMPIRE (1970)

Where has this movie been all my life?  I knew of the title; I knew that Robert Quarry played an aristocratic bloodsucker.  I did not know that Count Yorga, Vampire was ten kinds of awesome in a five-pound bag.  Okay, maybe it's a six-pound bag.  Oddly enough, the film starts in slasher mode.  Following a seance sequence in which Yorga necromances the dead mother of partygoer Donna, a young couple is vamped after making love in a van.  This must be one of Jason Voorhees's favorite horror flicks.  The victims are not murdered, however.  Erica is bedridden and requires blood transfusions.  Her boyfriend is suspicious of the...um, suspicious Yorga, a Bulgarian mystic who dated Donna's mother in the weeks leading up to her passing.  It doesn't take long for our main coterie of characters to reach the grave conclusion that their suspect is, in fact, a handsome mosquito.  Paragraph!

Break!  So this should have been one of my go-to vampire romps for years.  Seriously, how has it eluded my eyeballs for so long?  In nearly every Blood Capsule that I've written, I have made it a point to reference pacing.  In my book (my figurative book, that is), it's of paramount importance if you're reading a review of a movie you haven't seen.  Yorga is paced to perfection.  It's never dull, nor does it feed you information in spastic fits of "plot dumping."  It goes without saying that the acting is engaged from all involved.  If it doesn't go without saying, well, that's why I said it.  There are times when I struggle to elucidate why I enjoy a film so much.  Count Yorga, Vampire is simply enjoyable.  Check back with me in a few years, and it's likely that I'll give it a full 5 Z'Dars.  Before you ask, yes, I do own the sequel.  It remains to be seen whether I review it or not.  Nevertheless, I have a brilliant chunk of random trivia for you.  We very nearly received a showdown between Yorga and Vincent Price's Dr. Phibes.  Holy cricket, how cool would that have been???

Disco!?

The beauty of this website is that it's programmed to update itself (well, I write the reviews...you know what I mean), so it's not going to matter that I'll probably lose power over the weekend.  Random Reviews Incorporated is a nonstop horror disco.  Until it stops.  But that won't be for awhile!

Blood Capsule #363

SLITHIS (1978)

I feel like this review needs a disclaimer of sorts.  Something along the lines of "this movie will not entertain most normal people."  I accidentally slid into Slithis (a.k.a. Spawn of the Slithis), but as it turns out, it's comprised of the stuff, the very physiognomy, that appeals to the horror-centric circuits of my brain.  It has everything I need from a cult classic, regardless of whether or not it qualifies as a cult classic.  Of course, there is a monster.  And it might...might be a fishman.  Soil samples contain traces of radioactivity that might...might be coming from nuclear reactor spillage off the coast of California.  The script mentions that this ooze might...might have seeped into a lagoon.  A lagoon!  To me, that spells "fishman."  I'm taking it and running with it.  It should be noted that Slithis is not terribly concerned with the viewer.  There is a lot of talking, a lot of sedentary "action" that only bogs down the pace.  But!  If the characters are talking about ridiculous pseudo-science (and most of the time, they are), I'm hooked.  Can't help it.

For a no-budget production, the creature design is pretty fantastic.  Apparently, the poor guy in the suit was stuck in rubber on 15-hour shooting days.  I say, give him every Academy Award, even Best Sound Mixing.  Speaking of which, Slithis deserves serious consideration in the category for Best Gore.  After removing objectionable violence to secure a PG rating, producers edited those scenes back into the movie before it was shipped off to theaters.  Ha!  So you see that I have to dig this flick on principle alone.  The cast does make an earnest effort to give implausible lines of dialogue some degree of gravity.  While I can't say that Slithis holds a candle to Humanoids From the Deep or Island of the Fishmen, it certainly ranks above Bog.  And Blood Beach.  It's way better than Blood Beach.  Don't watch Blood Beach.

The German one-sheet.

Matches That Time Forgot #70

Has it really been four years since I posted one of these?  This one was inspired by Hiroshi Tanahashi's recent retirement.  It's also inspired by watching a bunch of random Razor Ramon stuff.  Yep, it's a post-WCW (and pre-WWE) Scott Hall versus a very young Ace.  The Bad Guy takes an upset.  Pretty cool find!