Blood Capsule #383

EVOLVER (1995)

Ever heard of Evolver?  I'm guessing not.  I've never heard anyone make a passing reference to this flick, and if it wasn't for a back issue of Fangoria (never let anyone tell you that you can't live in the past), I wouldn't know about it either.  Imagine if you will that one of the killbots from Chopping Mall decided to embark on a solo career.  Now imagine this bot voiced by William H. Macy.  That almost sounds contrived, but I'm telling you, this thing exists.  So what is an Evolver?  It's a virtual reality game in beta mode.  Teenaged Kyle wins a contest and thus, wins the right to test Evolver in his own home.  Essentially, he and his friends play laser tag with an advanced robot that could be called a dummy run for Siri or Alexa.  Any 90's kid will tell you that the period between, say, '92 and '95 was rife with virtual reality mania.  As it relates to horror, it's practically a subgenre all its own.  Evolver starts with that kind of deliciously dated cheese.  I was instantly reminded of 1994's Brainscan, which has long been a favorite of mine.  But then...

...something happened.  Evolver evolved.  The film seriously shaped up and entertained the bejeezus out of me.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Maybe the script used sleight of hand to lubricate the receptors in my brain.  Ethan Embry is likeable as a normal 16-year-old who is so invested in video games, he doesn't notice the obvious signs that a girl is crushing on him.  I was going to say "I've been there," but I was usually the one with the crush.  The pace?  You knew I was going to comment on it.  Everything glides along with a reserved urgency (???).  You're never too far away from a well-earned red herring or a wacky death sequence.  Evolver has a mean streak.  The stakes are high from the very beginning, as the storyline cleverly nudges Kyle's little sister into danger.  There is a capitalistic corporation involved, and I was ready to deal with those tropes, but amazingly, the bigwigs in the film are the first folks to kibosh the project.  They actually react in a realistic way.  Go figure.

I could easily write a few more paragraphs.  I realize that we're not even halfway through Random Robot Month, but this is definitely the hit of the bunch.  5 Z'Dars?  Why not?  By the way, I'm pretty sure that Evolver is on DVD, but you can also watch it on Tubi.  Check it out pronto.

Lunacy, huh?

Click HERE to watch me rant about JCW.  It's not...good.

Blood Capsule #382

TARGET EARTH (1954)

Here we have a film that more people should know about.  See, this is why I do what I do.  I don't know why Target Earth has been condemned to obscurity, but if you'll just hand me that shovel over there, I'll dig it up and praise its peculiarities accordingly.  Our story begins with a woman waking to find that her city of residence (Chicago, if I'm not mistaken) has been evacuated.  Later, we learn that she was never supposed to regain consciousness at all.  She tried to overdose on sleeping pills, which adds dramatic weight to her character.  It's a sidenote, but I thought it was a nice touch on screenwriter James H. Nicholson's part.  Random trivia!  Nicholson later co-founded American International Pictures with Samuel Z. Arkoff.  Okay, I have seriously derailed myself.  It happens.  Anyway, the woman eventually finds a few other folks who were left behind.  Is it the end of the world?  While I wouldn't describe this landscape as post-apocalyptic, it's certainly a grim situation made all the more grim by the presence of...giant robots!

We never find out where they came from, though a levelheaded Richard Denning posits that they most likely arrived from Venus.  It's a full-scale invasion, but we only ever see one robot.  It's a testament to Target Earth that the atmosphere is wrought with unease.  We don't need to see the rest of the world in chaos; we feel it.  Of course, I'm me, so I loved the robot action.  As far as robots go, it's no Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still, but it's charming nonetheless.  With a satisfying climax, everything is wrapped up in a breezy 75 minutes.  Given its early release in relation to other sci-fi blue chippers, I'm surprised that Target Earth doesn't command more respect from the nerd community at large.  As a nerd myself, I remain perplexed.  Definitely check it out.  I usually try to end with a stupid joke.  Nah, just check it out.

Blood Capsule #381

DEADLY FRIEND (1986)

If you're going to call yourself a horror fan, you better watch every Wes Craven film.  Random Robot Month gave me the opportunity to take this one off my list.  I still haven't seen A Vampire in Brooklyn, but um, I have my rudiments covered.  Can we just pretend - for the sake of this capsule - that I've seen every Wes Craven film?  Thanks.  I went into Deadly Friend with zero expectations.  I didn't even know that it was the victim of reshoots, but I would have figured it out.  It's clear that we have a struggle on our hands, an epic joust between a somewhat wholesome sci-fi story and an unambiguous slasher that forces gore into every available open wound.  Ouch.  Paul is a whiz kid who makes robots.  He likes the girl next door, so when she is accidentally killed by her abusive father, his Frankenstein faculties impel him to bring her back from the dead.  Basically, what we have here is I Was a Teenage Bride of Re-Animator.  Kristy Swanson plays the half-undead Samantha well, but it's hard to buy her as a monster threat.

Of course, that could be the point.  That's the problem, dear reader.  Deadly Friend aims too high.  Yet somehow, I was entertained.  There's something cozy about the autumnal vibes here, even if Halloween is merely a backdrop.  I see trick-or-treaters, I smile.  It's that simple.  An honorable mention goes out to Anne Ramsey.  In my head, this movie shares a universe with Throw Momma from the Train.  Elvira's basketball death is patently ridiculous, and I'm here for it.  I might recommend this flick for most of the wrong reasons, although it's easy to understand why Craven felt disenfranchised by the final product.  I think everyone can agree that BB is an objectively delightful robot.  At the very least, I'd rank Deadly Friend above Deadly Blessing.  And A Vampire in Brooklyn?  No?  Fine, not that I need your permission.

Blood Capsule #380

REPTILIAN (1999)

For years, I confused this flick with 1998's Gargantua.  An easy mistake, as both endeavors attempt to piggyback off of the fleeting success of Roland Emmerich's Godzilla.  I have a confession to make; I have a soft spot for 98's 'Zilla.  Can't help it.  I was 13 at the time, and I was on a voracious Godzilla kick.  Toys, movies, comic books...I had to have all of it.  It could be argued that I haven't matured since then.  Case in point, I was bound and determined to end Random Dinosaur Month with Reptilian.  And yes, it counts.  We open on an archeological dig where journalists and scientists alike wax philosophical about the discovery of a giant dino fossil.  Hold that thought.  A fringe paleo-savant has also found prehistoric hieroglyphics that seem to denote extraterrestrial intervention.  Sure enough, we cut to the cosmos and yahtzee!  Wicked-looking aliens (in comparably wicked-looking spaceships) have designs on the colossal skeleton.  One concentrated laser blast later, Yongary Jr. sprouts flesh and stomps his way to Los Angeles.

That's not just a kaiju allusion.  This film is known as Yong(g)ary overseas, though it doesn't appear to be an official remake.  It's a South Korean production with a mainly American cast.  For what it's worth, it's very possible that I'm still a teenager because I really enjoyed this twaddle.  The blocky CGI leaves much to be desired, but eh, I'll allow it.  The third act busts out a second monster, an Anguirus clone named Cycor.  Expectations exceeded?  I think so.  I don't need to tell you that the human characters aren't terribly fascinating.  Reptilian compensates for its lack of profundity with plenty of dumb explosions.  I like dumb explosions.  When you couple the brisk action with a quick pace, you get a fun viewing experience.  By the way, the version I watched (and indeed, it's the only version available) includes story tweaks and fine-tuned special effects that were added two years after Reptilian's release date.  Almost 4 Z'Dars.  Let's not get too crazy.

10 (repost)

I just filed away Blood Capsule #390 (see the Upcoming Review Schedule to the right).  That leaves ten reviews to be written.  And then?  And then.  I will let you guys know when I actually start the process of putting the book together.  That's probably when I'll announce the book-exclusive reviews.  Yes, I'll be writing something special just for the book, and unlike the exclusives in my first book, these will NEVER appear online.  So I still have plenty of work to do.

PS-Buy the first book HERE.

Blood Capsule #379

DENNIS THE MENACE: DINOSAUR HUNTER (1987)

I...have been burned.  It's my own fault.  I bought this movie without doing any research on it.  If I had done my due diligence, I would have discovered that Dennis the Menace: Dinosaur Hunter doesn't contain any dinosaurs.  There are dinosaur bones, and one of the characters is a paleontologist, but that's about it.  So why am I writing this review?  To punish myself, mainly.  I can't believe that I thought Dennis the Menace not only hunted dinosaurs in this thing, but that some studio went out of their way to create dinosaurs for Dennis (y'know, the menace) to hunt.  Victor DiMatteia stars as the troublesome tyke.  He finds a fossil in the front yard, so his father has an old college buddy take a look at it.  The buddy turns out to be a parasite.  Not literally, although that would have been an interesting plot twist.  Eventually, the Menace clan runs afoul of an evil corporation (dear God) who wants to convert their neighborhood into a dino-themed amusement park.

Guess what?  This was a pilot for a potential series.  You don't have to believe me, and I don't blame you if you don't, but it aired on September 11th.  That makes so much sense.  Actually, it's not terrible.  I remember the 1993 version of Dennis the Menace being more cartoonish.  Here, Dennis is a pain, but he doesn't seem worthy of a comic strip.  Mr. Wilson is given a fairly involved subplot.  His wife goes to work at a candy store to pay for their second honeymoon.  It's high drama.  Yeah, I don't have much to offer on Dennis the Menace: Dinosaur Hunter.  Random trivia!?  The little girl who plays Margaret grew up to be a porn star.  I wish I didn't know that.

10

I just filed away Blood Capsule #390 (see the Upcoming Review Schedule to the right).  That leaves ten reviews to be written.  And then?  And then.  I will let you guys know when I actually start the process of putting the book together.  That's probably when I'll announce the book-exclusive reviews.  Yes, I'll be writing something special just for the book, and unlike the exclusives in my first book, these will NEVER appear online.  So I still have plenty of work to do.

PS-Buy the first book HERE.