Blood Capsule #193

BONES (2001)

I remember renting Bones when it hit video shelves in early 2002.  I liked it.  Does it hold up to further scrutiny?  Actually, this is a rare case where my opinion has not weathered with time.  I feel exactly the same way about it as I did when I was seventeen.  Apparently, Snoop Dogg is a big horror nut.  I don't know how the hell my memory retained this information, but in an interview with Fangoria magazine, he claimed that his favorite horror film was Phantasm.  I can see the parallels, as they are both effects-heavy features (especially Phantasm II).  Snoop pulls just as much inspiration from 70's blaxploitation, a sub-genus of pop culture that is quite fashionable in the Coccaro household.  No, really.  I adore Blacula.  Not to brag (that's what I say when I'm bragging), but I have an original one-sheet for Scream, Blacula, Scream.  It's hot pink.  Gotta love the 70's.

The plot is barebones.  Snoop plays a paragon of virtue in his community.  After he is gunned down by crooked cops, the ghetto practically disintegrates in his absence.  Cut to modern day.  The blood-spattered dress of an old flame (an emphatically foxy Pam Grier) aids in reconstituting his remains.  Maggot storms ensue.  Bones was shepherded by Ernest Dickerson.  That dude doesn't play around when it comes to crafting stylish, spook-infused fright flicks.  He also directed Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, if that tells you anything.  There are so many cool, creative shots here (my favorite involving a bleeding billiards table).  Bones is an easy recommendation, although it's far from perfect.  I didn't care for the lopsided stabs at comedy, and our main coterie of characters comes across as flat.  A post-Ginger Snaps Katharine Isabelle is completely wasted.  But I digress.

I wouldn't be mad if someone gifted me the soundtrack.  Just saying.

Random Match Alert

I know what you're thinking.  "Dom, are you about to show me the match that planted the seed for Adam Bomb's face turn in 1994?"  Yes.  Yes, I am.  And you're welcome.

The Great Z'Dar Uprising

So I recently started uploading some of my Blood Capsules to Letterboxd.  You can assign a star rating to each movie, which got me thinking.  I might as well use my patented Z'Dar system for the Blood Capsules.  Originally, I only used them for full-length reviews, but c'mon.  Robert Z'Dar demands more attention.  This means I'm going to add Z'Dar ratings to all of my pre-existing Capsules.  Unnecessary?  Yes.  Kind of exhausting?  Yes.  But I want to do it!

For copyright reasons, Z'Dar ratings will not be appearing in the book.  Lame, I know.  Anyway, this is going to take a few epochs, but Z'Dar z'deserves it.

Blood Capsule #192

BLOOD DOLLS (1999)

I probably shouldn't have attempted to watch Blood Dolls last night.  For one thing, it's Blood Dolls (more on that later).  Secondly, my brain was in the process of shutting down during the opening credits.  I was just way too sleepy.  For whatever ungodly reason, I soldiered on, so I'm not 100% sure that I didn't dream this movie.  Not only was I staving off intermittent bouts of encephalitis lethargica, but this flick is also seriously loopy.  Being a Full Moon artifact, it was written and directed by Charles Band.  You'd think that I would be impervious to his brand of singular quirk by now.  But no, I'm struggling to describe this...what is this anyway?  Was it necessary for Band to take another pass at the much-lampooned "killer doll" subgenre?  I suppose I should be thankful that I never have to sit through Retro Blood Dolls or Dollman vs. Blood Dolls.  As if!

Okay, the plot.  Hold onto something.  An eccentric billionaire has found a way - through what kind of gnarled alchemy, I couldn't even begin to guess - to kidnap his enemies and transform them into literal dolls.  There is something about an antitrust lawsuit, but the particulars are neither germane nor do I care to remember them.  So this billionaire.  He wears a comically large Halloween mask, he domineers over two servants (one dwarf, one clown), and he has his own house band.  By the way, it's an all-girl group that he keeps in a cage.  Y'know, the more I write about Blood Dolls, the more credence I give to the theory that I simply dreamed it up.  To add insult to injury, it's not explicitly entertaining.  We do get some mild gore.  Meh.  Like I said, it's Blood Dolls.  I need to take a nap.

Album Cover of the Whatever

To be honest, I wasn't particularly enthused by Anima Hereticae's Descended from the Mountains on a musical level, but look at that cover.  Geez.

Blood Sugar Sex Aliens

Did you know that Flea starred as an alien in 1987's Stranded?  Because man, I didn't until I watched and reviewed it for the book.  Speaking of which, would you like to know which movies I'm reviewing exclusively for the book?  Assuming you responded in the affirmative, I'll post a list of book-only reviews...soon.  Ish.  Yeah, soon-ish.  Maybe in May.  There aren't that many, but I did go to the effort of writing them, so there.

For the record, my favorite Chili Pepper dish is Californication.  And One Hot Minute is underrated.

#@^#%

DO NOT watch 2001's A Crack in the Floor.  Dear God in heaven, it's dreadful.  It pissed me off so much, I'm not even going to review it.  Ordinarily, I would, but no.  I'm reclaiming my life.  #@^#% this movie.  You see all this black space beneath the text?  You're better off staring at it for 90 minutes.  Okay, I've typed too much.  End of.

It's time for another contest!

Boom!  Contest announcement!  Just like that.  And this one is super easy.  All you have to do to enter is join the Facebook Fan Club (it's similar in spirit to the Burger King Kids Club).  There will be a random drawing in two weeks.  The winner will receive a RANDOM REVIEWS CARE PACKAGE!!!  Yes, all caps was a bold choice, but the package will include...

3 Movies (VHS or DVD, maybe both)

2 Comic Books

2 Old Horror Magazines

1 Pack of Super Cool Trading Cards

Probably Candy

And who knows what else I might toss in there!?  I'm thinking of doing this every four months, so be sure to join the Fan Club so you don't miss out in August and December.  U.S. residents only!

Blood Capsule #191

ISLAND OF TERROR (1966)

I have a nagging headache, but I simply must tell you about this daffy sci-fi/horror cakewalk.  Island of Terror pits Peter Cushing against a roving band of silicates.  What are silicates?  They are amoeboid (that's a word, I swear) lifeforms that feed on calcium.  In essence, they drink your bones and leave you a ropy mess of flesh.  It's a fairly brutal death, and I have to heap praises on the special effects department for devising charmingly grotesque models of the jelly-like victims.  Needless to say, the film has a grim tone.  I would comment on the cast, but aside from Cushing, no one really stands out.  I'm not complaining, mind you.  Island of Terror is a bit of an ensemble picture, and as such, a few of the faces are interchangeable.  Likewise, a few of the accents are unintelligible.

For those interested, our amorphous antagonists were created in a laboratory to eat cancer cells.  At times, I was reminded of The Green Slime.  Regrettably, the silicates do not come equipped with their own theme song.  This flick was directed by the ever-dependable Terence Fisher.  Sandwiched in between Frankenstein Created Woman and Dracula: Prince of Darkness, it has the feel of a lost Hammer production.  The pace is rather prompt, save for a dead spot here and there. For example, I don't think we needed lingering shots of the scientists slipping into full-body condoms...I mean, radiation suits.  But hey, it is what it is.  Recommended to fans of bread pudding.

Rassle Inn #49

Well, that was entertaining.  I watched the second night of Wrestlemania 40 with a friend, and we both agreed that it felt like the ending of an epic, grandiose movie.  There were cameos, loose ends were tied up, and of course, we got the satisfaction of seeing the forces of good prevail over the forces of evil.  I want to make one thing clear, however.  This could have happened at last year's Wrestlemania.  The delay was ultimately pointless, and plus, that would have freed them up to chase after Rock vs. Roman (not to mention the fact that people would have embraced it, too).

I'm not trying to be the sole voice of dissension just for the sake of negativity.  But!  The words of a wise man (no, not that wise man) are ringing in my ears on a busy, percolating Monday afternoon.  After Wrestlemania 39 had ended with a whimper, he offered the following: "Just picture over 80,000 frenzied fans waiting for the moment - the tacit permission given by storytelling - to explode into a quasar of cheers, only to be socked in the gut and left flat."  That's what happened last year, and no one can convince me that it was the right move to make.  That's old news, though.  Let's enjoy Cody's run with the belt, even if it only lasts for a couple months.

The rest of Wrestlemania 40 was rock solid.  Jey Uso superkicking the piss out of his brother was really the only weak spot.  We bore witness to El Generico's finisher.  Bayley's redemption arc came full circle.  The Undertaker chokeslammed The Rock...!  Yeah, I'd say it was a fun show.  As a sidenote, be sure to watch the Bray Wyatt documentary that premiered on Peacock.  It's a tough sit (emotionally speaking), but it's definitely worth your two-hour investment.  I guess that's all I have to say.  I suppose I could comment on Tony Khan's latest ratings ploy.  Nah, I'll save it for a future installment of Rassle Inn.

Raw starts soon.  Now that will be interesting.

Blood Capsule #190

ARACHNIA (2003)

If I wasn't such a forgiving horror freak, I would start this review by referring to Brett Piper as a joke of all trades.  Only one problem with that assessment...this dude is no joke.  Shame on the carping critics over on IMDb.  If you weren't privy, Piper wrote and directed Arachnia.  In addition, he spearheaded the special effects department, a weighty task undertaken on nearly all of his films.  Color me impressed.  He isn't the first artisan to wear multiple hats on the set of a b-circus, but he may have been the first to utilize stop-motion animation when it would have been easier (not to mention more cost-effective) to take the rubbery route.  I often wish my parents would have taken the rubbery route.  Hey-o!  Here is the synopsis you ordered.  Actually, now would be a good time for a paragraph break.

Still with me?  So a plane goes down amidst a flurry of meteorites.  The survivors of the crash hole up in a deserted house adjacent to a cowshed of sorts.  The owner of the property has a gun and a well-preserved spider corpse.  Those two things are not related, but I should mention that the spider is the size of a tractor.  Our cast of characters - a professor and his students - theorize that the meteor shower may have awakened a whole host of these varmints.  The death sequences are fantastic.  Doltish dialogue will try your nerves, but when the fit hits the shan, watch out.  I have to tip my typing wand to Piper, mainly for throwing in the most random lesbian sex scene in the history of mankind.  Those two girls.  I don't know their names, but...yeah, they're talented.  Anyway, Arachnia is splendid.  I need to apprehend the rest of Brett Piper's filmography.

FACTOID: 74% of alien spiders turn to a life of crime.  It's sad, really.

Random Match Alert

I wasn't watching wrestling when CM Punk debuted on ECW, so I'm seeing a lot of this stuff with fresh eyes.  Man, this show had a different vibe, didn't it?  I kinda dig it.  In any event, what we have here is essentially a squash.  It's a shame that Kevin Thorn never clicked with audiences.  Dude was talented.

PS-Rassle Inn will make its much-awaited (lol) return next week after I've endured both nights of Wrestlemania.

Book Update

We are creeping ever closer to holding Blood Capsules: The Book (that won't be the actual title) in our hands.  I commissioned a super cool artist for the cover, but it won't be ready until June.  That gives me a little more time to pack reviews into this thing.  It could potentially top out at over 200 pages!  If you're wondering, the book will contain at least 15 reviews that you won't be able to find on this website.  Some are BRAND NEW, while others are BRAND OLD (like, really old).

So this will be the last book update until I'm ready to publish, although I may give a sneak peek at the cover when it's available.  Until then, I will continue to write like a madman.  Like a madman, I say.  We're almost there, folks!

Blood Capsule #189

THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977)

I just got back from seeing Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.  And last night, I watched a goofy tokusatsu spectacle that no one cares about.  Which film should I review?  Better question - which film do you think I'm going to review?  Realistically, what could I say about the latest chapter in Legendary's monsterverse that you couldn't predict with infallible accuracy?  It's basically a WWE pay-per-view.  You know I dug it.  What you may not know is that Rankin-Bass took a break from seasonal stop-motion animation in the mid-70's to copilot a kaiju picture starring Richard Boone as a creepy, eccentric big game hunter who winds up foraging for provisions on a remote strip of land in the Pacific.  Or the Atlantic.  Either way, he tracks down a T-Rex.  Man-in-a-suit shenanigans ensue.

Aren't you glad I decided to tackle The Last Dinosaur?  Is it too late to switch reviews mid-stream?  Nevermind.  I'll trudge forward.  If this audit is anything like the film on offer, it should be a jaunty footslog.  There is plenty of beastie-wrangling action to behold.  The special effects are perfectly acceptable, considering the bantam budget.  This was originally headed for a theatrical release, but it was thrown to ABC at the last minute.  More on the dinosaur suit...it was later repurposed for Dinosaur War Aizenborg, a TV series that combined anime with miniature set destruction.  I can wholeheartedly recommend The Last Dinosaur if you enjoyed 1960's Dinosaurus! or 1974's The Land That Time Forgot.  I can also recommend Godzilla x Kong, but that goes without saying.

The Gall of Chucky

I've been seeing advertisements for the upcoming season of Chucky.  Having never imbibed the series, I sat down to watch the first episode last night.  And that's about all I'm going to watch.  What the hell was that???  It doesn't bother me that Don Mancini is straining to be woke, but this is ridiculous.  In what universe would a middle schooler host a "true crime" podcast?  Don't even get me started on the talent show segment.  Normally, a supernaturally-charged slasher would be able to fall back on its inventive kills, but here, we get Chucky electrocuting someone via vomit.  Wow.

Does this show get any better?  Should I try one of the later seasons?  Or should I just stick with Child's Play 2?  I should mention that I dig the entire franchise, but the second entry is unequivocally rad.  Maybe it's just nostalgia talking.  Let me know if I should give Chucky another chance.

Blood Capsule #188

SUBSPECIES V: BLOODRISE (2023)

This one hurts.  It's never fun writing a negative review, but I was really looking forward to this long-delayed sequel.  Hell, I didn't know that it existed until a few days ago.  Whatever happened to the spindly, all-reaching fingers of Full Moon's marketing department?  Apparently, they are just as ineffectual as the spindly, all-reaching fingers of Radu.  Remember Radu?  He used to be cool.  He's depicted here as a near-prehistoric fossil who only speaks above a whisper and engages in sluggish, poorly-staged swordfights.  Bah.  The first act shows promise.  We are treated to Radu's origin story.  His mother was a demon, while his father was a vampire.  Raised by monks, he spends the majority of his adult life battling enemies of the church until he runs into an objectively hot Denice Duff.  She acts as the catalyst that gives Radu his fangs.

First, I was bumfuzzled by Barbara Crampton in Suitable Flesh.  Now this...these ladies are clearly witches.  And that's fine by me.  I just wish Duff's role was a bit more substantial.  As for Anders Hove, there is nothing wrong with his performance, but he does seem bored here and there.  I can't blame him.  Bloodrise is paced with the zeal and alacrity of an oil painting.  No, a software update.  In quarantine.  It's slow, folks.  It's very, very slow.  Do I have anything nice to say?  Yes, actually.  The film looks superb.  Full Moon productions haven't been this silky and sumptuous since the Paramount days.  I'm sure that won't stop Charles Band from cheapening it with a catalog's worth of merchandise.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I want Radu socks as much as the next guy.

Dom vs. Evil Ernie

I don't review many comics these days (and let's be honest, my knowledge of the medium was always suspect), but I'm still buying them at a feverish pace.  Every once in awhile, I read one so groovy, I have to tell someone about it.  Today, that someone is you.  Congratulations!

So I recently picked up Evil Ernie vs. The Movie Monsters, which dropped in March of 1997.  My God, that was 27 years ago.  I'd rather not dwell on that.  Anyway, our story follows Ernie as he visits a tumbledown amusement park after hours.  It's meant to mimic Universal Studios.  Sure enough, we run into copyright-friendly versions of Dracula, The Wolf Man, and Frankenstein among others (a certain hockey mask makes an appearance).  If you guessed that Ernie butchers all of them, you'd be right, but his first instinct is to act like a fanboy.  These monsters are his heroes!  I knew I dug Ernie for a reason.

Blood Capsule #187

ZARKORR! THE INVADER (1996)

There is a making-of clip that plays after the feature presentation on my VHS copy of Zarkorr! The Invader (you can check, but I'm sure it's on your copy as well).  The creative team behind this underachiever seems to be under the impression that their star monster will be a hit with fans.  They even went to the trouble of drumming up a theme song, which I admit, is a catchy little number.  Obviously, Zarkorr is a love letter to kaiju clashes from the 60's and 70's.  What shouldn't be obvious is the fact that the requisite scenes of creature suit carnage were shot before writer Neal Marshall Stevens had a chance to write the script.  Well, guess what?  It's pretty obvious.  The stale "exposition" is intercut - almost indiscriminately - with glamor shots of Zarkorr (I'm omitting the exclamation point in a vain bid to preserve my dignity) erupting from a pink precipice and demolishing miniatures.

That sentence was too long.  Also too long?  Zarkorr, which barely scrapes the 80-minute mark.  The film comes courtesy of Monster Island Entertainment, a shingle conceived by Charles Band to pay homage to Toho classics of yesteryear.  A nice idea, but the venture became insolvent after only a couple of years.  We got one other monster mash out of the deal, the equally mediocre Kraa! The Sea Monster.  Yes, I've seen it, and no, I'm not reviewing it.  Boo and hiss all you want.  It's funny; the main character is chosen by aliens to save the Earth because he is average.  Middling.  The mean.  And that's exactly how I would describe Zarkorr! The Invader.  It's not worth saying that I've seen worse, but of course, I've seen worse.  Who hasn't?  I'm in the market for a better measuring stick.

Album Cover of the Whatever

Finnish black metal.  Dig it!  The band is Azaghal, by the way.

Goodbye green...

So what do you think of the new color scheme?  Your vote counts.  Just kidding!  I'm not interested in your opinion at all.  What does that have to do with DNA, a straight-to-video creature feature from 1996?  Nothing, but I did review it for the book.  Speaking of which, I'll have more news on the book front in April.  No fooling!

Blood Capsule #186

SUITABLE FLESH (2023)

As anyone who knows me can attest, I am woefully out of step with modern horror.  In the days before social media, I used to be surgically grafted to message boards, and I had committed to memory the release dates of various upcoming projects.  That was then.  Now?  It wouldn't be unfair to say that I live in the past.  But generally, when something is worth watching, I hear about it.  Such is the case with Suitable Flesh, a film that reteams writer Dennis Paoli with ageless scream queen Barbara Crampton.  This is an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "The Thing on the Doorstep," and if the closing credits jog your memory, it's because Paoli also provided the screenplays for Re-Animator and From Beyond.  Does Flesh reach those levels of psychoactive tomfoolery?  Let's find out.

Director Joe Lynch does a commendable job of stretching an obviously low budget, even if the exposition does feel constrained to stay within the parameters of a handful of sets.  I dug the clever scene transitions.  My commentary might come off as dry, but I did enjoy this 80's throwback.  It's just...eh, it's only a throwback in spirit, as it never truly realizes the freakout genius of, well, Re-Animator and From Beyond.  Fans will appreciate the practical special effects, though.  The ugly truth is that we've seen the story of a baneful, body-hopping entity play out in so many other genre films, it becomes challenging to lose yourself in this one.  Still, kudos to Heather Graham for her multi-hued performance.  I bought what she was selling, and yes, the nudity helped.  'Twas unnecessary, but it helped.  Recommended to fans of Nyarlathotep and astral projection.

The Stuff?

I once met Buff Bagwell.  He worked an indie show here about 10-12 years ago.  And that's all I have to say on the matter, but I will be watching his episode of Dark Side of the Ring later tonight.  I'm taking the rest of the weekend off.  Laters!

Blood Capsule #185

THE DARK (1979)

Well, that was abysmal.  Ironically enough, I missed out on the opportunity to see The Dark on the big screen years ago at a movie marathon.  Hindsight suggests that my fate was fortuitous.  Where do I even begin?  I worry about any theater patrons who caught this sci-fi sedative during its initial run.  I'm afraid it may be revealed that watching The Dark has the same effect on the central nervous system as inhaling carbon monoxide.  Okay, that's enough critic quotes for the inevitable 4k restoration.  Let's anatomize the plot, shall we?  An alien dressed for Casual Friday crash lands in the bustling bowels of Los Angeles.  Reporters and detectives are puzzled by a recent rash of murders that don't seem to have any connective tissue, unless you count the blood samples collected at each crime scene.  I bet the alien is involved.

Usually, films that had a frazzled production history have some cult appeal.  This one is mind-numbingly boring.  That's hard to believe, seeing as how the alien shoots lasers out of his eyes.  John "Bud" Cardos occupied the director's chair to bail out a transient Tobe Hooper.  It doesn't feel like The Dark was directed by anyone at all.  Random shots linger for no reason, and most of the "action" is lost in a sea of black.  I've heard of day-for-night photography, but this is ridiculous.  Was the film shot on asphalt and edited with electrical tape?  Needless to say, my mind wandered here and there.  By the time we arrived at a resolution, I had my grocery list done.  I need more macaroni and cheese, by the way.  And fresh milk!  Yeah, The Dark is laborious.  I can only recommend the last five minutes.  Those other minutes?  Optional at best.

Now Playing

Mordicus - Dances from Left

"Diamond in the rough" is a designation that was seemingly minted just for this album.  I've never met anyone who has even heard of Mordicus.  Hailing from Finland, they released one EP and one LP before calling it a day.  They have a second album listed on Metal Archives, but it also mentions that their second album was shelved.  So who knows?  I'm here to discuss 1993's Dances from Left.  These dudes could pass for a melodeath band, but they don't frolic in the In Flames/Dark Tranquility strain that erupted out of Sweden.  Of course, I say that, but I'm going to compare them to a Swedish luminaire.  This record reminds me of At the Gates' Slaughter of the Soul, only...better.  Yeah, I said it.  The guitars have the same beefy tone.  What's more, vocalist Robert Arpo's blusterous rasps bring Tomas Lindberg to mind.

I know next to nothing about drums, but I can tell when a drummer kicks ass.  This guy (credited as Heikki Lappalainen) definitely kicks ass.  There is plenty of variation where the beats are concerned.  The riffs are fairly brutal, although I would still classify these tunes as "catchy."  My favorite track is the 8-minute "A Thorn in Holy Flesh."  You should also check out "Oceans," "I Bleed to See," and "Cybernetic Summer."

Atten Ash - The Hourglass

Do you miss Daylight Dies as much as I do?  For my money, they were the best melodic doom/death band going, but it has been twelve (!) years since their last opus.  It doesn't look like they'll be reemerging anytime soon.  But drop that noose!  I found an album that fills the void left behind by such classics as Dismantling Devotion and A Frail Becoming.  Atten Ash shares DD's state of origin, which happens to be my state of origin - North Carolina.  They also share a guitarist by the name of Barre Gambling.  I have to think this is the member responsible for the gorgeous guitar solos on The Hourglass.  Does this offer anything new?  No.  In fact, you could call it a lost Daylight Dies album, but that's not a drawback.  Unfortunately, this project has also been dormant for twelve years.  Oh, well.

Out of all of the music I've listened to since the last iteration of Now Playing, I've pulled The Hourglass the most.  Make of that what you will.  Preferred selections?  I guess "Born," but they're all tasty.

Random Match Alert

Most wrestling fans know that 1996's Bash at the Beach was an incredibly important pay-per-view, but did you know that the card featured matches other than the main event?  Take this one, for example.  Rey Mysterio and Psychosis "pulled the curtain" with this 15-minute barn-burner.  NOTE: You'll have to go to Peacock to see the full match.

Escape to Cremation

You can expect to see a new edition of Now Playing within the next week or so (give or take several decades), but you want to know what I'm listening to right now?  Like, now now?  Veteran bone-snappers Drawn and Quartered.  To be specific, I'm jamming Hail Infernal Darkness, their fourth album.  This band is so underrated, it's criminal.  In fact, it might be a felony in certain states.  They have kicked out eight (!) platters of raw, bloody death metal since forming in the mid-90's.  You can throw a dart at their discography, and chances are, you will probably land on something cool.  Last night, I played Return of the Black Death (LP #3, pictured above).  It sounds like it looks - awesome!

I was trying to think of points of comparison.  Imagine the sewage of Incantation intermingled with the neck-twisting groove of Immolation.  I guess that's all I wanted to say.  I'll be back in a few days with more randomness.  Insert guitar solo here.

Blood Capsule #184

SOMETHING EVIL (1972)

Following in the footsteps of The Lawnmower Man and Circuitry Man, Hologram Man is a cautionary tale about the dangers of transferring one's soul into holographic stasis.  And that, dear reader, was going to be the first sentence of today's review until I sleepily slid into watching Something Evil.  This was a treat.  I didn't know it going in, but this made-for-TV sternum-stroker (it was either that or "spine-chiller") was shepherded by a young, hungry Steven Spielberg.  Coming hot off the heels of Duel, he was still finding himself on the set of this project.  Personally, I was sold as soon as I saw a pre-Night Stalker* Darren McGavin's name in the opening credits.  He plays Paul, the concerned husband of a beleaguered woman (a fraught Sandy Dennis).  What's beleaguering her?  Find out in the next paragraph...same time, same channel!

There is something bedeviling their home, something a little more malevolent than a mere ghost.  It has been said that Evil served as a dry run for Poltergeist, and I can back that sentiment.  The latter film is superior, but Spielberg's direction is sharp here.  The first half is slow-going, almost too slow.  Almost.  Patience is rewarded in a significant way, however.  Stevie expertly uses the acoustics of a room to his advantage in building tension.  It's funny; according to the man himself, CBS hacked his budget and hobbled his creative impulses.  I couldn't tell.  By the way, I did pop Hologram Man into my VCR.  It's a tepid, noisy sci-fi/actioner.  I bet you weren't banking on reading two reviews in one, were you?  No one asked, but my favorite Spielberg joint has always been Subspecies.

*So apparently, both Something Evil and The Night Stalker premiered in early 1972.  'Twas a good year for small-screen spooks.

Album Cover of the Whatever

I don't listen to much modern thrash, but I have to respect Gama Bomb for going all-out with Bats, their latest LP.  At press time, it is unclear what role Lou Diamond Phillips played in the creation of the album, if any.  Great cover, though!

Blood Capsule #183

THE CELLAR (1988)

I know Kevin Tenney to be a talented director with a keen eye for style.  It's unfortunate that he wasn't allowed to utilize much of that talent on the set of The Cellar.  Apparently, he was roped in just days after someone else was relieved of the position.  Unable to reshoot thorny footage, he was able to make the best of a bad situation.  Watching the film over thirty years later, you can tell that it was a flustered production, but if you go in with the right mindset (and a fistful of edibles...I'm kidding?), most of the punches connect.  The premise borrows from the very well of Native American folklore that so many other budget-minded fright flicks have despoiled.  A Comanche tribe jams a spear into the ground in an effort to contain a profound evil.  As it happens, this evil is a ratty, brutish warthog demon...thing.

Cut to modern day Arizona.  The spear is unaccounted for, and as such, our bestial gallybagger is free to roam in the cellar of a dwelling peopled by an innocuous family.  The Cellar doesn't come right out and say it, but the monster seems to have a Shining-esque effect on Mance, the father of the household.  He stops just short of becoming an axe-wielding maniac.  An honorable mention goes out to Chris Miller.  He plays the prepubescent protagonist, and miraculously, he didn't grate my nerves.  As for the creature, I'll be charitable and say that the prosthetic is restrictive.  We're limited to tight shots of trunk, tooth, and claw.  Hey, I'll take what I can get.  The Cellar wrapped in the same calendar year as Night of the Demons.  That's a pretty sweet double feature from where I'm sitting.  Recommended to fans of basements and The Basement.  Don't forget Crawlspace!

From the depths of the sea...A TIDAL WAVE OF TERROR!

A rare photo on the set of Schindler's List.  I think.

"Attack of the Crab Monsters hits all of the notes you would expect, and to top it off, this crustacean's exoskeleton is drizzled with Roger Corman flavoring.  For the record, Corman has the same general taste and mouthfeel as orange dreamsicle shaved ice."

That's an excerpt from a Blood Capsule that you will only be able to find in my upcoming book.  Speaking of which, I'm giving myself all of March to stockpile reviews.  Then, and only then, I'll be 95% ready to publish.  Start saving now.  I'm setting the suggested retail price at a cool million dollars.*

*Price subject to change.

Blood Capsule #182

PROPHECY (1979)

Another one I'm surprised I hadn't seen, especially considering that I've owned it for some time.  This eco-horror nugget is notorious for all of the right/wrong reasons.  If you watch South Park, you have no doubt been acquainted with the Man-Bear-Pig.  Well, this is its origin story.  Like any good cult classic, Prophecy has no idea that it's patently ridiculous.  Sober on the surface, the plotline pits Native Americans against obdurate loggers.  Someone must shoulder the blame for the alarming number of missing campers, which is to say nothing about the campers who have been found.  Headless.  It won't shock you to learn that the offending party is the malformed upshot of mercury poisoning and acid rain, probably.  If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times...we've got to abolish paper mills!

Prophecy is loopy, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.  John Frankenheimer directs it with panache.  In fact, he guides it along as though it were an Oscar contender.  Who am I to say that he was deluded?  The acting is strong on all fronts.  I loved Armand Assante as the somber defender of the forest ("I'll tell you what right now!!!").  And you have to hand it to Talia Shire for delivering heavy-handed abortion dialogue with a straight face.  Did I mention that this flick was self-important?  It's okay.  You can be self-important when you have the Man-Bear-Pig at your disposal.  Prophecy earns extra credit for the bog-set finale.  The misty, nebulous backdrop is positively gorgeous, so you don't mind the false finishes.  On par with Grizzly, methinks.  Recommended to fans of groundwater pollution.

My Patreon!

I hate the fact that I have to promote my Patreon.  I feel like I'm saying, "Give me money!"  The truth is a little more nuanced than that.  Patreon allows me to make a little pocket change writing about the stuff I love.  For real, yo!  I'll give you an example.  Just the other day, I used my Patreon funds to buy two cheeseburgers and a cassette tape.  Did I NEED two cheeseburgers and a cassette tape?  Of course not, but that's beside the point.  What I'm trying to say is...I appreciate the support.  I still don't feel comfortable advertising this deal, but it is what it is.  If I were a YouTuber, no one would blink an eye at my soulless shilling.  Just think of me as another soulless YouTuber, only without the annoying videos.

Blood Capsule #181

EARTH VS. THE SPIDER (2001)

Y'know, I'm just now realizing that I haven't seen the original Earth vs. the Spider.  That's odd, considering that I have seen the four other films in this series.  What is this series?  Back in the day (like, way back...VHS was still a thing), Stan Winston forged an alliance with Cinemax to produce five loving tributes to b-movies from the 1950's.  Titles ranged from the execrable (Teenage Caveman) to the paper-thin (She Creature).  Yeah, these weren't exactly consumer-grade affairs, but the passion is there.  This is a remake in name only.  The plot follows Quentin, a security guard who spends his paychecks on comic books and action figures.  I can relate.  In the chaos of a botched burglary, this idiot willingly injects himself with an experimental serum that turns him into an eight-legged freak.  We'll call him Brundlefool.

Okay, that was a different pest, but this film clearly wants to remind you of David Cronenberg's The Fly.  While the make-up effects are proficient, the meat of the script doesn't quite measure up.  You would need to care about the main character for this set-up to work, and well, that doesn't happen.  Dan Aykroyd receives top billing.  Mm-hmm.  For whatever reason, there is a subplot involving his lush of a wife.  It doesn't go anywhere, though.  I'm finding it difficult to fill two paragraphs on this paltry porch-climber.  I wonder, do spiders get offended by incendiary slang?  More to the point, would a tarantula be insulted by Earth vs. the Spider?  These are questions that someone has to ask.  In any event, go watch Tarantula or Eight Legged Freaks to get your "killer arachnid" fix.

Random Match Alert

Here's something to watch while you wait for me to write another Blood Capsule.  Bam Bam Bigelow versus "The Rocket" Owen Hart...this match is so awesome, it's stupid.  As an added bonus, it features "Macho Man" Randy Savage on color commentary.  I can't think of a better way to spend eight minutes.

Album Cover of the Whatever

Boom.

My thoughts on the new Pearl Jam song...

So I guess I was dreading hearing this single.  Every other 90's band officially sounds old.  Recent material by Foo Fighters and Smashing Pumpkins has been awful offal (ha!).  But you know what?  "Dark Matter" is a solid Pearl Jam song.  It even features that propulsive groove that had been missing from the last couple of albums.  Thank you, Matt Cameron!  Eddie still sounds like Eddie.  Perhaps most importantly, we get a screaming guitar solo, and yes, I was going to complain if we didn't get a screaming guitar solo.  Using my trusty Abbath scale, I'd give it a cautious 4 out of 5.  Let's see what the other tunes sound like.  Grunge will never die!

"Patience, Dom. Patience."

Just a brief update.  Non-capsule content will be returning to the site because, well, things look sad and lonely.  While I may be in the home stretch of the book, I'm at least a month out from being ready to publish.  I'm still in the process of gathering reviews.  And by "gathering," I mean "writing."  I want there to be something you haven't read yet, even if it's a scatterbrained breakdown of a film that you will never watch.  Can you tell I'm getting antsy?

"Patience, Dom.  Patience."  Easy for you to say!

Blood Capsule #180

THE MONOLITH MONSTERS (1957)

In the 1950's, Universal sci-fi was just as ubiquitous as Universal horror.  In fact, the fabled studio hammered out quite a few pictures that dealt with outer space.  The Monolith Monsters submits a unique concept, and off the top of my head, I can't think of another film that grapples with this particular subject matter.  Maybe The Magnetic Monster?  No, that was an isotope.  I guess I should fill you in.  Meteorites are crashing in a parched desert bed near the small town of San Angelo.  Once they shatter on impact, the landscape is flecked with black stone fragments.  I know that doesn't sound very exciting, but wait until it rains.  When these shards of space gravel are met with moisture, they begin to grow.  WARNING: Exposure to spooky wet rocks may cause alarming side effects including lockjaw, granite hand, and ovarian magma.

I enjoyed Monolith.  If I were randomly using baseball jargon (just oblige me), I'd call it a solo home run.  There are a couple of impediments, however, that keep it from being a grand slam.  The third act is overwhelmed with technical scientific mumbo-jumbo, and well, I wasn't too keen on learning the intricacies of hydroelectric power.  Seriously, the characters will tell you everything you need to know with respect to floodgates.  I'm just not sure if that leaves us with a gripping script.  I mean, you could turn The Monolith Monsters into one hell of a textbook, but I'm in the business of reviewing movies.  As such, it's alright.  We get a forced love story, although I did like the main players.

The special effects are well-mounted.  And yeah, that about covers it.  Recommended to fans of irrigation.

Blood Capsule #179

DARK CARNIVAL (1993)

I came THIS CLOSE (insert hand gesture here) to not reviewing this movie at all.  It doesn't deserve the exposure, but someone out there might see the title and expect, oh, I don't know, legitimate entertainment.  I can't let that happen.  There is so little information on Dark Carnival available, that I'm actually finding more information on the WCW stable of the same name.  This unsound no-budgeter wishes it could be associated with the likes of Vampiro and Violent J, as opposed to...dear God, who are these people?  Director Eric Worthington ditched the industry after funneling resources into this washout (resources that could have gone to anything else), having absconded with about as much pride as - nevermind, I shouldn't make this personal.

On second thought, I'm taking it personally.  Dark Carnival is miserable.  The plot follows a group of friends who decide to celebrate Halloween by staging a haunted house attraction.  They spook patrons for all of ten minutes before claiming that the house itself is evil.  What are they basing this on?  No, I'm asking.  And who is their target demographic?  They construct tableaus that range in ripeness from a hokey mad scientist's laboratory (bolt-necked monster included) to a Satanic castration ritual.  Yeah, that's sure to scare the kids in attendance (???).  The acting is dreadful, the "characters" are morons, and of course, the production values are grotty.  Hey, I can put up with cheap sets if you have something else to offer.  This is basically 1991's HauntedWeen, only without the charm.

Do not, under any circumstances, watch Dark Carnival.

Blood Capsule #178

THE INVISIBLE MAN APPEARS (1949)

Some films only exist today as historical curiosities.  Take The Invisible Man Appears, for example.  It was never released stateside until Arrow Video saved it from certain obscurity by issuing a posh Blu-ray in 2021.  Considered the first science fiction film made in Japan, Invisible Man deftly utilizes tokusatsu effects engendered, in part, by Eiji Tsuburaya.  Kaiju fans will recognize that name.  Tsuburaya helped pioneer special techniques that would later be employed to stage elephantine battles between Godzilla and other giant monsters.  Speaking of which, this little conversation piece was produced by Daiei Film, the studio responsible for the Gamera series.  Okay, so I've given you plenty of background information.  Is Invisible Man worth tracking down?

The bulk of the picture operates around a knotty, near-Gordion jewel heist.  A batch of indistinguishable thugs kidnap a scientist in the hope of furtively using his untested invisibility agent to plunder a diamond necklace.  I guess it's interesting if you really enjoyed Ocean's Thirteen, but I yawned through a lot of the procedural build-up.  Admittedly, the visuals are eerie.  It's easy to spot where director Nobuo Adachi was influenced by American genre trappings, most notably Universal's own translucent monster.  At the end of the day, The Invisible Man Appears isn't terribly compelling.  There is a sequel - 1957's The Invisible Man vs. The Human Fly.  I doubt that I'll watch it, but you're more than welcome to give it a try.

A Bloodstained Update

Corny jokes aside, I do have an update for you regarding Blood Capsules (the book).  I'm a little past halfway done with the manuscript...!  As I approach the home stretch, I am primed to enter "review mode."  Once this mode is activated, watch out.  For the most part, Blood Capsules will be the only thing you see on this website for awhile.  For every review I post here, I will write one that is exclusive to the book.  I would ignore the site altogether, but I do want to keep interest up.

I'll give you another update when I'm closer to the finish line.  Until then, it's "review mode" for me.  This could get bloody.

Now Playing

Windthrow - Katabasis

Released in the sterility of early December, this record came and went last year with zero fanfare.  I can understand why this Swedish one-man project is obscure, but that doesn't mean it should be.  I'll do my part in singing its praises.  So what are we dealing with here?  Windthrow peddles black metal that borrows liberally from traditional heavy metal.  Expect to hear a wealth of guitar harmonies and solos that polish off each composition.  The well-endowed production ensures that your ears can isolate each instrument.  I'm picky as hell when it comes to black metal (okay, I'm a fastidious fool with all subgenres), so the fact that I've given Katabasis several spins should clue you in on something.

I'm using the word "spins" informally, as this record doesn't seem to be available on CD.  If you have a turntable, this is an easy recommendation.  Sample "Stygian Halls" or "New Light."

Solitude Aeturnus - Downfall

When I was hospitalized at the midpoint of 2022 (I call it the "deep torso of doom"), Solitude Aeturnus is one of the bands I can remember jamming on my headphones in an effort to obviate currents of anxiety.  I distinctly recall listening to 1994's Through the Darkest Hour, which I rate as my favorite SA album.  And even though Downfall has to settle for second place, I've been enjoying it quite a bit lately.  Can someone please explain to me in plain, elementary English why it's considered to be the worst of the bunch?  I don't get it.  Okay, it doesn't replicate the epic, haughty atmosphere of Into the Depths of Sorrow or Beyond the Crimson Horizon, but the songs are there.

The chorus of "Chapel of Burning" simply cannot be denied.  What about the moody hooks of "Only This (and Nothing More)" or the driving riffs of "Deathwish"?  The latter tune is a Christian Death cover, but I couldn't tell.  It doesn't intercede on the natural flow of the music despite its whereabouts in the tracklist.  I reject the notion that Downfall entertains alternative rock.  That's just bogus, man.  Listen to "Concern" and tell me it's not irrationally infectious.  Bogus!

Album Cover of the Whatever

How about some obscure death/thrash?  I would buy a comic book with that cover.  The band in question is Tyrant Trooper.  Insane Sickness was their only LP, and while I'm not super familiar with it, I've heard it enough to recommend it.

Rassle Inn #48

So what's going on with the Young Bucks?

Four years ago, I was on their side.  In fact, I even bought their merch at Hot Topic.  And y'know, a lot of people were on their side.  Fans (and journalists, if they're not ashamed to admit it) were excited about the prospect of a new major wrestling promotion.  Finally, Vinnie Mac was going to have direct competition.  But that was four years ago.  So many things can - and did - happen in four years.  It could be said that the Bucks gradually dropped all gimmicks in that span of time, riding a wave of grim reality that reached a crescendo on last night's Dynamite.

In what can only be described as a turgid interview segment, Matt and Nick Jackson essentially played themselves.  All bets are off, as Matt delivered a wordy, yet ultimately ineffectual promo that made reference to certain "cancerous" individuals in the wrestling business.  I guess I can't call it ineffectual.  He came across as a douchebag, which was the whole point of the scene.  The problem is that it's becoming clear to both doomsters and apologists alike that as much as AEW's roster would love to get credit from the Academy for theatrical performances, the dude wasn't acting.  It appears that the Young Bucks are douchebags.

"Do you know them personally, Dom?"  No, and I'm sure that they are great tippers.  But here's what I do know...they are responsible, in part, for driving out the biggest star in the history of their little company.  They may not be quite as responsible as Jack Perry or Tony Khan, but something tells me that they approve of AEW'S overall trajectory.  If by some chance they aren't douchebags, they're stupid.  I fear they may be both.  I'm still not 100% clear on the kayfabe reason for singling out Darby Allin and Sting.  Boredom maybe?  What could have been a marquee money match will probably just be another Young Bucks match.

Look, I've been guilty of defending them.  I have a high threshold for their "style" of wrestling, and in seasons past, one could argue that their most serious offenses were merely ridiculous high spots.  That was before they held sway as executive vice presidents.  Now, if they go down superkicking, they're taking an entire promotion with them.  But hey, look at all the stars they have made.  Like Private Party.  And...those other guys.