Blood Capsule #167

THE FACULTY (1998)

Happy Halloween!  I guess I could have picked an actual Halloween-themed movie to review on this date, but that wouldn't be very random, now would it?  When you think about it, The Faculty is a felicitous selection.  We go back to school in the fall, and what is scarier than high school?  I was a minor myself when this flick came out.  At the time, I liked it, but it didn't read as anything far removed from the prevailing trends of 1998.  Don't let the clammy, sputum-encrusted (ew) alien fool you; this is a slasher.  And as slashers go, this one is crafty and entertaining.  It doesn't reinvent "body count" vehicles.  Director Robert Rodriguez still adheres to certain clichés, such as a cast of teenagers being played by full-grown adults.  Speaking of casting, Salma Hayek as the school nurse?  Were these staff members hired by 14-year-old Dom?

As a monster mash, The Faculty hits all of the right notes.  The CGI is spotty, but that's to be expected.  I dig the fact that we don't learn much about this particular extraterrestrial.  Allusions to Invasion of the Body Snatchers are cute, but again, this flick has more in common with Scream than any sci-fi bender.  Hats off to Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Jordana Brewster, Clea DuVall, Famke Janssen, and even Jon Stewart.  The characters are fleshed out just enough to avoid becoming cardboard stereotypes, though Kevin Williamson's script does strain to be "hip" and "edgy."  The Faculty was made back when soundtracks still mattered, so I enjoyed rocking out to the accompanying music.  Who else remembers the Class of '99 cover of "Another Brick in the Wall?"  It was one of the last studio recordings to feature Layne Staley on vocals.  Nostalgia is a cruel mistress...

Blood Capsule #166

THE MAD MAGICIAN (1954)

Vincent Price is my favorite actor of all time, just edging out Peter Cushing.  I am determined to see all of his vital performances, regardless of the genre (though I do have a preference, natch).  This is one of his most interesting turns, pre-moustache anyway.  In The Mad Magician, Price plays Gallico the Great, a deft magician who endeavors to establish his own stage show.  Due to a clause in his contract, however, he is obliged to create tricks for rival illusionists, namely The Great Rinaldi.  After his boss quelches one of his lavish spectacles with a court injunction, Gallico sets off a chain of increasingly nasty events to settle the score.  Several mangled cadavers later, he must find a way to debut his newest trick - dubbed "The Lady and the Buzzsaw" - without being exposed.

Less of a pure horror film and more of a drama/thriller, Mad has plenty to offer your Hallowtide festivities.  Indeed, it's horror enough for this website.  Price is his usual beguiling self, pacing is premium, and there is a handful of plot twists along the way to keep the viewer guessing.  If I had to pinpoint a drawback, it would be that the guesswork comes to a halt a little too soon.  Without spoiling anything, I'll say that the climax isn't quite as riveting as it could have been.  The Mad Magician isn't the impenetrable mystery that it purports to be.  But these are relatively microscopic quibbles.  This is a fine motion picture that fits neatly next to House of Wax and The Abominable Dr. Phibes in a bloodline of classic shockers that I'm calling Vincent Price Will Have His Revenge (italicized for effect).

Blood Capsule #165

HOWL FROM BEYOND THE FOG (2019)

And now for something completely different.  This is an independent animated short made entirely with puppets.  As for the plot, we're in kaiju territory.  A blind girl befriends a lake monster as they try to protect their land against insatiable developers.  It's official; if you're a land developer in a sci-fi/horror film, you are scum.  There is also a ghost involved, but to be honest, the minutiae of the script is glossed over in a push to focus on Nebula (the monster).  Unfortunately, that means character interplay is a bit muddy.  Don't let that deter you from checking out Howl from Beyond the Fog.  If you search for reviews of the film, you'll notice that most folks only discuss the merits of the visuals.  That's because the visuals are truly incredible.

There is a making-of documentary on Amazon Prime (it plays directly after the feature), and I recommend watching it.  This thing is a joy to behold.  There are so many details that pay off in dividends.  For instance, we see a shot of Nebula strutting her (his?) stuff with a fireworks display in the background.  It's one of countless arresting images I remembered well after the ending credits rolled.  Concerning Nebula, it can be best described as a cross between a sexy brontosaurus and the Crater Lake monster.  NOTE TO SELF: Revisit The Crater Lake Monster.  Howl from Beyond the Fog is a technical wonder.  A 35-minute running time ensures a bouncy, nimble viewing experience.  For your information, it pairs well with Wild Cherry Pepsi.

Blood Capsule #164

GHOULIES IV (1994)

Awhile back, I made the conscious effort to leave profanity out of my reviews so that my family members could visit the site and share in my averting recreation.  I always say that if I'm the kind of writer that people say I am, I should be able to sidestep choice obscenities.  Today, I make no such promise.  If there were a swear jar next to me while I was watching Ghoulies IV, I would have to sign up for welfare.  This movie is an analplasty (DO NOT google that), which I suppose makes me a colostomy bag.  I'll give you an example.  I was all set to sit down and give this movie credit for a competent car chase...until I found out that the entire sequence was lifted from 976-EVIL II.  I would shame director Jim Wynorski, but clearly, he wouldn't know what that means.

A leather-clad seductress from another dimension (???) steals poor souls and attempts to retrieve a special ruby.  The ruby? It will grant powers to her master.  Her master?  The loggerheaded warlock goon from the original film.  Yes, you read correctly.  Ghoulies IV actually tries to establish a linear connection to the franchise story arc.  The most frustrating thing about this misguided sequel is that the first three entries aren't too shabby.  Relatively speaking, of course.  Ghoulies II is loads of fun.  Part four is loads of...don't do it, Dom.  You must fight the urge to uncoil a repellent thread of expletives, even if the recipient is deserving.  By the way, the two cosmic droppings pictured above are fatally useless.  They exist to deliver agonizing one-liners, and I swear to God, if I ever catch one of them in public, I will use my wheelchair as an infrared homing weapon.

Ghoulies IV is bad.

Blood Capsule #163

TALES OF FRANKENSTEIN (1958)

As a diligent metalhead, I've always been interested in sussing out a band's rare, unreleased material.  I'm talking primarily about b-sides.  Well, what we have here is a Hammer b-side.  Tales of Frankenstein is a leftover that never saw the light of day.  What is it?  I'm glad you asked.  It's an unaired pilot for a TV series that would have followed the good doctor and chronicled his various experiments.  A co-production with Columbia, Tales looks and feels like one of Universal's Frankie features.  It was supposed to introduce Hammer to American fright fans, but lamentably, the show was given the axe before it had a chance to win audiences over.

The episode in question is entitled "The Face in the Tombstone Mirror."  Dr. Frankenstein is close to perfecting his creation, but his supply of reprobate brains is running low and he wants to curb the monster's penchant for violence.  As luck would have it, he is approached by a terminally ill sculptor who begs the mad genius for help.  That's the crux of the premise, but I won't give everything away.  It only runs for 28 minutes, so you have no excuse not to watch it, provided you can track it down (I believe it's a special feature on the Blu-ray version of 1964's The Evil of Frankenstein).  I really dug Anton Diffring's overwrought performance as Dr. Frankenstein.  Bonus factoid!  The monster is played by Don Megowan, who donned the creature suit on land in 1956's The Creature Walks Among Us.

I packed a lot of trivia into this capsule, but I don't want to bury the lede.  Tales of Frankenstein is rad!

Blood Capsule #162

SPIRIT HALLOWEEN: THE MOVIE (2022)

A part of me wants to deride this film, a see-through stratagem created to entice shoppers into walking through the doors of what has become the Wal-Mart of seasonal retail.  The conventional tropes are there, the dopey character motives are there, and the painful attempts at comedy are there.  Be that as it may, another part of me appreciates Spirit Halloween as "gateway horror."  If you didn't know, this is aimed squarely at the kiddie crowd.  I don't believe that it was submitted to the MPAA, but if it were, it would most certainly earn a benign PG rating.  And hey, that's okay.  There is a place for all shades of this beautiful genre.  The spook spectrum is vast, and it's not like we need every new release to be Black Sun: The Nanking Massacre.

Jake, Bo, and Carson are about to begin high school.  As such, there is some dissention on the subject of trick-or-treating.  Carson says they're too old to bother, while Jake still has a soft spot for costumes and confections.  No one asked me, but I side with Jake.  In any event, they decide to compromise and spend the night locked inside of their local Spirit Halloween.  The Imperial Japanese army then proceeds to assail refugee safety zones.  Wait, wrong movie.  The three friends wind up doing battle against the ghost of Alex Windsor, a nefarious land developer who goes to the trouble of possessing animatronic monsters for...reasons, I'm sure.  Silly, but that comes with the territory.  I can think of worse ways to spend 90 minutes.  Keep an eye out for Rachel Leigh Cook.  Yep.  She plays the mom, which means I'm officially old.

Blood Capsule #161

CROWHAVEN FARM (1970)

It's fitting that director Walter Grauman also spearheaded an episode of The Twilight Zone.  This made-for-TV fright flick has an episodic nature, and of course, you can pinpoint the commercial breaks with 100% accuracy.  That Crowhaven Farm shakes and bakes like so many of its contemporaries (I was reminded of several Dan Curtis vehicles at times) isn't a hindrance.  These days, small-screen ghouls from yesteryear have a quaint charm about them.  Let's ruminate over a synopsis, shall we?  Ben and Maggie Porter have inherited the titular estate.  Ben is gaga over the rustic bequest, while Maggie gets bad vibes from the jump.  Call it an augury.  Because it's a cool word.

It turns out that her apprehension is well-founded.  The farmstead has a history intercut with witchcraft and vengeful spirits.  There is quite a bit more to the plot, but half of the fun is not knowing where the script is going to take you next.  It doesn't have a traditional three-act structure, as the running time is a swift 74 minutes.  The pacing is methodical without feeling drowsy, and the atmosphere is swollen with consternation.  I did get a few unintentional laughs from our leads' domestic troubles.  I'll just put it this way - it was definitely 1970.  Recommended for fans of the occult and arcane goings-on.  Watch it as part of a double feature with The Norliss Tapes or Trilogy of Terror.  Or The Crucible.  Either way, you can't lose.

Now Playing

Alkaloid - Numen

One day, I looked up quantum theory out of innocent, yet sternum-splintering boredom.  I learned a little about subatomic particles, eigenvectors, and parallel dimensions.  Heady stuff, but what did I actually retain?  It's not important.  What's important is that Alkaloid loves science as much as they love progressive death metal.  The band is technically a side project comprised of members from Obscura, Dark Fortress, and Eternity's End among many, many others (drummer Hannes Grossmann is in every band on the planet).  Being a fan of the associated acts, I was on board with Alkaloid in 2015 when they issued their head-scratchingly amazing debut (see The Malkuth Grimoire).  2018 saw the release of Liquid Anatomy.  It was a functional follow-up, but it didn't quite tickle my neurotransmitter receptors.

Comparatively, Numen is the proverbial tickle monster.  Buyer beware - this is a massive double album.  I can only speak for myself, but I haven't felt overwhelmed by these compositions.  That's impressive, considering the intricate nature of the songwriting.  Tracks such as "The Cambrian Explosion" and "A Fool's Desire" are sophisticated without sacrificing the almighty riff.  Do I even need to mention the guitar work?  It's mad, I say.  Mad.  PRO TIP: The album title should only be spoken like an incensed Jerry Seinfeld.  Four or five of you are laughing pretty hard right now.

Dio - Dream Evil

I don't listen to traditional heavy metal all that much, but when the mood strikes, Dio is a go-to artist that never disappoints.  At the outset, let me recuse myself by stating that I am by no means an expert on The Man on the Silver Mountain.  That said, I know enough to know that 1987's Dream Evil was somewhat of a course correction after the maudlin Sacred Heart (which I do like; I can't dislike any Dio record).  Songs are overall darker and harder-hitting affairs.  You still get your fist-pumping anthems in the shape of "Sunset Superman" and "Naked in the Rain."  "All the Fools Sailed Away" is a ridiculously strong ballad that might be my favorite cut here.  I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, though.  I mean, it's Dio.  End of discussion.

Splitting the Stars

My next post was going to be the latest edition of Now Playing, but the surprise release of this split LP demands to be covered.  Worm and Dream Unending are excellent doom/death metal bands.  They both put out records in 2022 that showed up on many year-end best-of lists.  Personally, I adored Bluenothing, even if I forgot to include it on my own year-end list (d'oh!).  Starpath melds the two bands' moony, quixotic sounds to form over 40 minutes of righteous tuneage.  You get hazy, layered material from the two Dream Unending tracks, while you get nightmarish shredding from the three Worm tracks.  Combined, you get a badass split that can be owned on CD, vinyl, or cassette.

I shouldn't have to say this, but this isn't a paid advertisement.  I just really dig this stuff.  Click HERE to buy/listen!

Rassle Inn #46

I just wrapped Wrestlers on Netflix.  First of all, I recommend checking it out.  It's a docu-series that chronicles a summer quarter for OVW (Ohio Valley Wrestling).  You may have heard about OVW through WWE.  It was a developmental territory where such stars as John Cena, Brock Lesnar, and Shelton Benjamin broke into the business.  In those halcyon days, it was overseen by the ever-contentious Jim Cornette.  Fast-forward to the modern day.  OVW is now run by Al Snow, a legend in his own right.

Wrestlers gives you a look into the cogs and gears of a small wrestling promotion on the brink of bankruptcy.  It's interesting to see the tension between those in charge of creative and those who act as financial boosters.  The "cast" of the show is populated with talents you may have seen in other promotions.  Off the top of my head, Mr. Pectacular Jessie Godderz had a spell in Impact (I believe he was there when it was still called TNA), and I know I've seen Hollywood Haley J somewhere before.  It may have been WOW, the company executive produced by A.J. Mendez.  Leila Grey was signed by AEW, though I haven't seen her on television in awhile.

The season finale culminates with The Big One, which is OVW's version of Wrestlemania.  I must admit, I was pulled in far enough to want to know where the key players ended up.  Hopefully, Netflix goes ahead with a second season.  As for the major leagues, I haven't watched much AEW in recent weeks.  It's a situation where bad booking has actively turned me away from a product, and that's a bummer.  WWE is...still WWE.  At this point, that is neither a pro nor a con.  I have been paying more attention to NXT.  I'm glad that Brian Pillman Jr. (or Lexus King) is finally being utilized in a sensible manner.  And I guess I can say the same for Jade Cargill.

Man, this is probably the least enthusiastic edition of Rassle Inn I have penned to date.  An apology is in order.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch as many Head Cheese matches as humanly possible.  If I have to explain anything beyond typing "Head Cheese," you are at the wrong establishment.

Numbers are hard...

I did the math wrong.  "7 in 7" starts on the 25th, not the 24th.  Reconfigure your calendars.  Get excited!  Again!

Album Cover of the Whatever

Does this album cover actually feature a skeleton pirate jousting with a giant octopus?  A giant octopus with a bat wing?  Or am I just crazy?  Don't answer that.  For your information, the band is Urn and the album is Iron Will of Power.  This might be the zaniest artwork I've ever featured here, and folks, that's saying something.

Celebrate Halloween with me!

Every year, I try to think of something special I could do for this website around All Hallow's Eve.  Most years, I come up short.  This year, however...I may come up short again, but I'm going to give it the ol' college try.  So what am I doing that's so special?  7 in 7!  During the week of Halloween, I will be posting a new Blood Capsule every day.  No theme, just random chaos.  Check the site on the 24th to see the festivities begin.

Because of the extra workload, there won't be as many updates from now until the week of Halloween commences.  I do have a couple of non-movie things planned, though.  Get excited.  7 in 7 starts later this month...!

The Exorcist: Believer

Disclaimer?  I don't know if this is necessary or not, but I'm not exactly married to this franchise.  I do recognize the 1973 original as a bona fide classic.  As for the sequels, they simply exist.  Actually, I take that back.  The Exorcist III rules, but the others...hell, I didn't even bother renting Exorcist: The Beginning.  Considering that Hollywood hasn't had a good-faith relationship with fans, I can't say that I'm surprised by the scurrilous reaction to The Exorcist: Believer.  I can, however, say that I wasn't betting on my reaction being favorable at all.  Turns out, I liked it!  Go figure.  If you go in expecting this 2023 sequel to mirror the scarifying (it's a word) shocks of the first film, you will be disappointed.

Maybe that's it.  Maybe my congenital pessimism set me up for success.  Because I didn't think for a second that director David Gordon Green would take his time establishing a pregnant mood, if you'll allow the obnoxious wordplay.  We skip a title screen and dive headfirst into a prologue.  Victor's wife is a couple of trimesters deep into a pregnancy while the happy couple is vacationing in Haiti.  Unfortunately, a massive earthquake lands the mother-to-be in a hospital bed.  It's a worst case scenario, as Victor is forced to choose who lives and who dies.  Fast-forward thirteen years.  His daughter disappears into the woods with a friend.  Obviously, they find the girls safe, but that's not a spoiler.  You know that they are possessed by a demon.  Let's move on.

I mentioned that Green demonstrates patience arranging his horror in such a way that it pays off premeditated streaks of momentum.  And he does, but I must confess that there were times during the exposition where my eyes wandered.  It doesn't really have the feel of a genre piece until the third...er, fourth act, so I can commiserate with those who fault the pacing.  Most of the negative reviews have been unfair, though.  Just my dweeb opinion, but I think that Believer jabs when it needs to jab and ducks when it needs to duck.  "But Dom, it's not a boxer."  Point well taken.  I was ready to sign off right before the climax, but without giving anything away, I dug the decisions that were made when it came to closing certain holes in the script.

The acting is excellent.  Leslie Odom Jr. and Norbert Leo Butz are both believable as concerned fathers.  I suppose that country singer Jennifer Nettles is alright, but I have no idea why she's in this movie (the movie doesn't know either).  Ellen Burstyn was forthright about accepting her role for the money, which was subsequently given to charity.  You know what?  She's great.  It was cool seeing that other lady, too.  Yes, it's cloying fan service, but I'm okay with it.  I'm not going to proclaim that The Exorcist: Believer is a masterpiece, but it's as entertaining as it probably could be.  Again, adjust your expectations accordingly.  The power of popcorn compels you!

   

A Band: Moonlight Sorcery

It's been awhile since I've talked about...a band.  There has been a ridiculous amount of killer metal released in the last few weeks, and it can be overwhelming if you try to stay abreast of the "underground," as it were.  One release, in particular, is in danger of wriggling its way off the map entirely.  I can't let that happen.  I'm speaking of the debut full-length from Finnish meloblack paladins Moonlight Sorcery.  It's called Horned Lord of the Thorned Castle, and folks, it's good.  Of course, you need to have a taste for the idiosyncratic flavor of Kool-Aid that these guys are pouring.  I would place it somewhere in between Rock-A-Dile Red and Mountainberry Punch myself.

I've actually editorialized on Moonlight Sorcery before.  I don't feel like using the search function, so for now, I'll repeat some of what I said in the past.  ADDENDUM: I caved in and used the search function.  A neat tool, that.  Anyway, I described the band's music as "icy, well-calculated black metal with a melodic bent."  That pretty much sums it up, especially with regard to the first two EPs.  The sound on Horned Lord has been reconditioned a bit.  We're still on melodic black metal turf, but the new tunes have been inoculated with the flair and character of power metal.  Keyboards are more pronounced.  I don't know if this helps draw a clear picture of what I'm hearing, but I feel exquisitely nerdy when I'm blasting this stuff.

Speaking of which, dungeon synth seems to be part and parcel of the album's chemical make-up.  That's just me reading into their influences.  I should note as a disclaimer that Moonlight Sorcery has not officially endorsed dungeon synth.  Hell, maybe they hate dungeon synth.  I don't know, but either way, that's enough on dungeon synth.  You definitely need to scope out Horned Lord of the Thorned Castle if you're a fan of catchy, finger-deforming guitar solos.  In fact, Moonlight Sorcery's penchant for shredding brings Children of Bodom to mind.  If you're in a rush, sample "To Withhold the Day" or "Fire Burns the Horizon."

Best songtitle?  "The Moonlight Dance of the Twisted Jester's Blood-Soaked Rituals."  Man, what is it about jesters that inspires badass metal?  What do the members of Moonlight Sorcery and In Flames know that we don't?  I bet it has something to do with Funnyman.

Blood Capsule #160

THE SEVENTH SIGN (1988)

It doesn't feel like October yet.  I keep waiting for the Halloween spirit to grip my penetralia, but something - maybe the temperate weather - is getting in the way.  I was hoping that this apocalyptic thriller would do the trick.  There seems to be a microgenre set around mothers dealing with ostensibly paranormal events.  Screenwriter Emily Green (credited here alongside her husband) can be held accountable for at least two of these pictures, the other being 2000's Bless the Child.  Demi Moore plays Abby, a pregnant woman who believes that a miscarriage could foretell the end of the world.  Of course, her husband calls it applesauce.

Okay, maybe he doesn't use that word, but he has enough to worry about.  His day job?  An attorney defending a man on death row, a man with Down's Syndrome who claims that God told him to kill his parents.  I'd be stressed out, too.  The good news is that Sign addresses heavy topics with tact.  Plus, the cast is filled out with adept professionals like Jurgen Prochnow and Michael Biehn.  There are a couple of dull spots hither and thither, but for the most part, the pace has a kicking pulse.  If you've seen as many religious horror films as I have, you'll be able to predict the outcome.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing, mind you.  All in all, The Seventh Sign was a solid springboard for my spooky season, even if it can be argued that my spooky season started in January.

Um...

Just so you know, I have actual content in the works.  But um, I have to watch a lot of wrestling first.  Priorities?  Hang tight.  I'll be with you shortly (after these messages).  Until then, just imagine the sweetest "loading" screen of all time.