GHOULIES IV (1994)
Awhile back, I made the conscious effort to leave profanity out of my reviews so that my family members could visit the site and share in my averting recreation. I always say that if I'm the kind of writer that people say I am, I should be able to sidestep choice obscenities. Today, I make no such promise. If there were a swear jar next to me while I was watching Ghoulies IV, I would have to sign up for welfare. This movie is an analplasty (DO NOT google that), which I suppose makes me a colostomy bag. I'll give you an example. I was all set to sit down and give this movie credit for a competent car chase...until I found out that the entire sequence was lifted from 976-EVIL II. I would shame director Jim Wynorski, but clearly, he wouldn't know what that means.
A leather-clad seductress from another dimension (???) steals poor souls and attempts to retrieve a special ruby. The ruby? It will grant powers to her master. Her master? The loggerheaded warlock goon from the original film. Yes, you read correctly. Ghoulies IV actually tries to establish a linear connection to the franchise story arc. The most frustrating thing about this misguided sequel is that the first three entries aren't too shabby. Relatively speaking, of course. Ghoulies II is loads of fun. Part four is loads of...don't do it, Dom. You must fight the urge to uncoil a repellent thread of expletives, even if the recipient is deserving. By the way, the two cosmic droppings pictured above are fatally useless. They exist to deliver agonizing one-liners, and I swear to God, if I ever catch one of them in public, I will use my wheelchair as an infrared homing weapon.
Ghoulies IV is bad.
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