Blood Capsule #330

SLAUGHTERHOUSE (1987)

"Bubba has an axe to grind.  A big axe."

What a tagline.  It jumped out at me when I first saw it at the video store.  I've since seen the movie twice, and each time, I've been impressed by the ingenuity on display.  That Slaughterhouse takes place in a slaughterhouse shouldn't surprise anyone; the slick production values might surprise a few people.  This slasher was made for nearly nothing.  The grody atmosphere recalls the austere conditions under which another slaughterhouse-themed film were made.  Yes, I'm talking about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Slaughterhouse is no Chainsaw, but the parallels are hard to miss.  I don't think I've seen so many pigs and feathers on celluloid before.  The plot deals with the foreclosure of an abattoir (sorry, I'm already tired of typing "slaughterhouse").  Lester Bacon refuses to sell the property.  The sheriff gives him thirty days to evacuate, but if I know ol' Les, he isn't going to go quietly.  And by that I mean, his mute giant of a son is going to kill a lot of people.

This flick is a little too good.  It will catch you off-guard with a host of basic character types.  You think you're settling in for a routine slasher.  And while Bubba does hack up a number of attractive twentysomethings, the script pays just as much attention to the adults on the periphery of the butchery.  You may not be invested in one specific person, but take the sheriff, for example.  He's quite competent, as is the deputy.  I'm not used to the authorities being useful in these kinds of situations.  In that respect, Slaughterhouse is a far cry from - oh, I don't know - Halloween 5.  We also get plenty of bloodshed.  The climax is strong, though I'm not sure that a sequel was necessary.  I say that because director Rick Roessler delivered Slaughterhouse 2, like, last year.  From what I understand, it's not...it's not.  Let's leave it at that.

Dom Reacts and Ranks!?

So I've started uploading more stuff to YouTube.  This is my ranking of the Cannibal Corpse discography.  Let me know what else I should rank!  They could be bands, movies, candy bars, ex-girlfriends (mine or yours), whatever.

Blood Capsule #329

BELIEVE (2000)

Upon glancing at writer/director Robert Tinnell's IMDb page, it becomes apparent that his heart is in the right place.  Those are probably the most glowing words I can dish on Believe, a domesticated "haunted house" flick that barely earns its PG rating.  I considered skipping out on this capsule.  But!  It's not too shabby.  A teenaged boy is forced to move in with his salty grandfather, and almost immediately, he notices a ghost on the premises.  Is his grandfather hiding some abstruse family secret?  If so, what does it have to do with the family across the street?  I'll level with you.  Believe is remarkably light stuff.  If it were a boxer, it would inhabit the featherweight division.  Or bantamweight.  I don't know anything about boxing.  You may have seen the (admittedly cool) VHS cover in the horror section at Blockbuster, but it's horror by rote.  There is no blood.  Even the atmosphere is flimsy despite a preponderance of the action taking place near a cemetery.

But!  Again!  I've seen worse, especially when it comes to family-friendly spookshows.  Ricky Mabe gives a favorable performance as our lead.  His girlfriend is played by a young Elisha Cuthbert.  This was well before her breakout turn in 24.  She couldn't have been any older than thirteen (you creep).  All of the adults are fine, but Believe is tailored for the young adult demographic.  Unfortunately, it's missing the wackiness of Goosebumps or Eerie, Indiana.  Still, I'll give it a halfhearted recommendation, listless though it may be.  That's all I got.

Random Album Alert

I have a thing for slow and/or mid-paced black metal.  Thus, I have a thing for Old Forest.

Blood Capsule #328

THE HORRIBLE DOCTOR BONES (2000)

What is it that makes us seek out grubby entertainment?  I'm convinced that some of us are born with a specific gene that makes us enjoy the most rotten films in existence.  Take The Horrible Doctor Bones, for instance.  I knew it was crap.  Did that deter me from popping it into my Blu-ray player?  Of course not.  If anything, it augmented the dopamine boost I experienced when I pressed play.  If you're wondering why I own this movie on disc (as I am at this very moment), it was simply cheap.  That's all it takes, friends. Bones was one of two cheapies churned out by Alchemy Entertainment, a subdivision of Full Moon that was supposed to specialize in "urban" horror.  The other was Ragdoll, and man, how does Charles Band sleep at night?  From the ground up, there is so much wrong happening here, some of it feels right.  The titular Dr. Bones is a famous hip-hop producer.  He's holding open auditions, the likes of which range in unease from edgy rap to...help me.  Please.  God, help me.

So Bones is going to transform listeners into zombies through liturgical chanting and general, all-purpose black magic.  For those curious, we do see zombies, but they're just regular people.  Y'know, method actors.  The doctor is played by Darrow Igus.  I dug his garish make-up (supplied by Gabe Bartalos), and I have to hand it to the guy.  He's committed, probably - no, definitely - going above and beyond the call of duty.  None of the cast members are actually bad.  The Horrible Doctor Bones itself isn't actually bad, especially compared to other Full Moon flotsam from the late 90's/early 00's.  It's not actually good either.  I'm sitting here and trying to remember what happened in the third act.  Wait, how many acts are there in a 72-minute film?

Iron Supplements #6

GENETIC WISDOM

I'll be upfront.  This particular Supplement isn't great or anything.  Genetic Wisdom is pretty cool.  Interesting even!  I'm listening to their debut LP at the moment, and it's just cool enough to write about.  The Fear Dimension was released in 1993, which was a sweet year.  Don't believe me?  It was the year of Ticks and Doink the Clown.  It couldn't have been that bad, right?  I don't know where trends were in the Netherlands (the band's country of origin), but over here, we were NOT into progressive thrash around this time.  Genetic Wisdom would have been seen as emphatically unfashionable.  Maybe that's why I dig them.  The first track - "Perseverance Kills the Game" - isn't too far removed from what Chuck Schuldiner was cooking up on Human.  There are no death metal elements, though.  The vocals are...meh.  Again, this record won't destroy you, but it shouldn't be this obscure.  I had to dig for the songs on The Fear Dimension individually, as I can't find it anywhere to stream or download.

Genetic Wisdom churned out one more album before calling it a day.  Check 'em out.  Or don't.  For metal nerds only.

Blood Capsule #327

METEOR MONSTER (1957)

I don't run across much independent fright fare from before 1970, so this is a treat.  Thankfully, I enjoyed Meteor Monster, which was released as Teenage Monster.  Story goes, cinematographer Jacques Marquette needed an inexpensive film to serve as the second half of a double feature with The Brain from Planet Arous (an awesome flick, by the way).  After his director quit on him, he ended up helming the project himself.  All of this is ironic, seeing as how Arous is already a "budget picture."  This was Marquette's only directorial credit.  I'm not sure what that says for the movie itself, but if you adjust your expectations accordingly, you'll find that Meteor Monster wines and dines you.  Hey, that's more of a commitment than I'm willing to make.  Nothing personal.  Anyway, this screwy slab of sci-fi horror is unique for the 50's in that it's a period piece.  Our action takes place towards the end of the nineteenth century.  The location?  Um, somewhere in the Southwest.  A meteor crashes in the next paragraph.

Right, so the meteor - literally a sparkler - kills a man and wounds his son.  We cut to seven years later.  The son is grown, but his injuries have turned him into a hideous monstrosity.  He looks like a cross between a werewolf and a caveman.  I don't know how a meteor can keep you from visiting a barbershop, but them's the breaks.  The rest of the plot involves a gold mine and manipulative shrews.  I'll hand it to screenwriter Ray Buffum; Meteor Monster is more engrossing than it has any right to be, at least on paper.  Dandy make-up effects come courtesy of Jack Pierce.  Apparently, Quentin Tarantino is a fan.  A clip from Meteor Monster shows up in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.  I'm going with four Z'Dars, but (and I know I'm repeating myself from other reviews) you have to consider the source.  I own the big box VHS that was released by Monterey Home Video as part of their Midnight Madness line.  That makes me cool, right?

Now Playing #24

Deftones - Private Music

I talked about this album on the debut episode of Dom Reacts.  At the time, I wasn't really feeling it.  But!  Those were my first impressions.  I have since accumulated, like, a lot of impressions.  As such, I can safely render a more official verdict.  This is a cool record.  It's not one of my favorite Deftones releases, but let's be honest.  It was never going to topple White Pony or Around the Fur.  That would just be crazy talk.  However, these new jams have seeped into my pores like a warm rush of air pollution (???).  I dig the menacing basslines of "Ecdysis," the sheer riffage of "Cut Hands." and the catchy chorus vibes found on "Metal Dream."  Any duds?  "I Think About You All the Time," a chill cut in the middle of Private Music, hasn't quite won me over.  It wouldn't be fair to call it a true dud, though.  Overall, I'd say this is a stronger batch of songs than Ohms, which in retrospect, seems a little patchy.

Craft - Total Soul Rape

These guys are often compared to Darkthrone, but the more I listen to Craft, the less I hear Darkthrone.  For starters, Craft is Swedish.  And while the production could be considered rough around the edges, it's nowhere near the level of Transylvanian Hunger or Panzerfaust in terms of "rawness."  Simply put, this is quality black metal.  The drumming is more involved than one might expect.  No, it's not technical, but it's...well-played?  Total Soul Rape might be my preferred Craft album.  They're all worth checking out, though.  You've got to love the songtitles.  "Death to Planet Earth," "Ultimate Satan," and "Past, Present, Dead" are my personal favorites.  My actual favorite song is "World of Plague."  It slows down at juuuuust the right moment.  If it doesn't make you overtax your neck muscles, you don't have a pulse.  Or to steal a famous tagline, if it doesn't make your skin crawl, it's on too tight.  Listen to Craft and prepare to be skinned.