Blood Capsule #318

SKINWALKERS (2006)

Random Werewolf Month has taught me an invaluable lesson: there are way, way too many werewolf movies in the universe, especially on streaming.  I took a chance on Skinwalkers because it was directed by James Isaac.  That name might ring a bell, as he has toiled on oodles of genre films under oodles of different credits.  His main claim to fame - to my target audience anyway - is a certain spacebound slasher.  Yep, he helmed Jason X.  If you had anything to do with Jason X, I feel like I owe you one.  Renting Skinwalkers was the least I could do.  And I didn't even rent it.  That's just leftover 90's parlance that I'll probably never relinquish.  I did stream it, so I'm not a complete caveman.  Skinwalkers deals with a rogue clan of lycanthropes.  They reminded me of the villain's posse in Fright Night Part II.  That's definitely a plus.  Anyway, the bad guys seek to snuff out a 13-year-old.  This kid was prophesized to find a cure for "the curse," but some folks prefer being werewolves.

I hope you're not averse to warring factions.  Don't worry; Skinwalkers doesn't approach Twilight territory.  The casting is impressive.  Rhona Mitra and Elias Koteas are rock solid as the emotional anchors of the story.  There is a character twist that didn't make much sense, but I wouldn't want to spoil it.  Suffice to say, any system errors are minor.  Apparently, there is an unrated cut that adds twenty minutes of sex and gore.  In the film's defense, I didn't notice that I was missing out on choice exploitation.  Isaac does a bang-up job with the climax.  It's set at a steel mill, and it was giving me heavy Freddy's Nightmares vibes.  All in all, Skinwalkers is adequate.  Nothing mind-blowing.  I mean, it doesn't compare to Jason X, but what does?

Slumbering Sun or Random Album Alert

Click HERE to listen to Starmony, the new album from Texas doomsters Slumbering Sun.  This probably doesn't require a disclaimer, but I feel like I should mention that I'm not affiliated with the band in any way, shape, or form.  They simply rule.  Imagine something in the vein of Warning and Pallbearer (I'm also hearing a smidgen of Hangman's Chair).  This is just fantastic doom with crystalline vocal harmonies/starmonies and measured arrangements.  And riffs!  Riffs for days.  Listen to it.  Buy it.  Thank me later or not at all.

Blood Capsule #317

HOWLING III (1987)

Technically, this is a "found footage" film.  I'm clinging to that so I can cite it as a favorite whenever I hear someone losing their popcorn over the latest V/H/S venture.  Howling III is an oddity.  When I was a kid, I was spooked by seeing a ballerina transform into a werewolf.  Nowadays, that scene is hysterical.  I do wonder why it was shown on television during school hours in the early 90's.  Childhood rocked, didn't it?  Growing up, I never questioned the sheer audacity of this series.  Grunge was cool, the sky was blue, and there was a boatload of Howling movies.  We took these ridiculous franchises for granted.  How was I to know that it would be so much fun revisiting this Ozploitation lycanthropicture as an adult?  I'm still not sold on it being a high watermark for werewolves in general, but the synopsis alone is entertaining.  A feral girl escapes her rapist uncle and evades a "werewolf cult" by shacking up with a Hollywood producer.  Naturally, she auditions for a role in Shape Shifters Part 8.

It's interesting that Howling III seems to be winking at the viewer.  I don't know if you could call it self-referential in earnest, as it's pretty wacky outside of the movie-within-a-movie trope.  Let's talk about monsters.  I'm forgiving when it comes to creature effects, but these werewolves are just daffy.  Zany even!  I'll admit that the pouch-roving "kid" is ten kinds of cute.  The film almost becomes clever when it spins common thread between lycanthropes and marsupials.  Almost.  It's a nice idea, but it never really goes anywhere.  Honorable mentions must go out to Dagmar Blahova and Imogen Annesley as lady wolves Olga and Jerboa, respectively.  Honestly, their performances are too refined for this flick.  I'm counting that as a compliment.  I would have to rewatch the worst sequels to give my full ranking.  Since that isn't going to happen, I'll say that Howling III falls somewhere in the middle.

Recommended to fans of wombats and bandicoots.  They're marsupials; I checked.

Iron Supplements #3

CROWS

I like all of the bands that I break down here, but if I'm being perfectly honest, this is the first Iron Supplement that has joined my "regular" listening rotation.  That's pretty much on-brand, as this is easily the weirdest one yet.  Crows was a speed/power metal band out of Germany.  I'll talk about the music in a second, but the lyrics take precedence.  For some odd reason, Crows chose the plight of Native Americans as the theme of The Dying Race, their only full-length album.  Yeah.  But whatever.  The songs kill.  They're full of soaring harmonies (check out the chorus of "We Are the Storm"), melodic shredding, and more soaring harmonies.  This isn't straight power metal, which I think is the main reason why I dig it so much.  I'm reminded of Helstar.  And maybe Helloween.  I mean, I'm not into Helloween, but the similarities are there.

Members of Crows went on to play in Sodom and Angel Dust.  I will say, they don't share any common bonds with the Teutonic thrash triumvirate of Kreator, Sodom, and Destruction.  Same sandbox, different sand castle.

Blood Capsules #316

LATE PHASES (2014)

I meant to catch this flick upon its release.  For reasons unknown, I'm only seeing it now.  Let me recommend the hell out of it before I go any further.  It's a clever, point-blank cross-pollination of Silver Bullet and Bubba Ho-Tep.  Why Bubba?  Because our setting is a retirement community, and most of the characters are senior citizens (though I concede that none of them believe themselves to be rock stars).  The main dude is a blind man played - incredibly well, mind you - by Nick Damici.  He has an acerbic personality, which makes it easier to be in his corner.  Within the first twenty minutes, his neighbor is mauled by a hulking werewolf.  The fact that we don't see the beast again until the finale is actually a stroke of brilliance.  The film is forced to rely on the strength of its plot.  I'm not used to watching movies with, y'know, plots, so Late Phases was a breath of fresh air.

I sincerely hope the casting agent was paid handsomely.  Everyone is dialed in, and that includes...Tina Louise?  Yes, Ginger is given a supporting role, as is Tom Noonan.  Again, the acting is nuanced from all involved.  The werewolves are not "the point," but it has to be said that the creature suits are glorious.  I'm sitting here trying to decide if there was anything I didn't like about Late Phases.  I mean, I don't like that it's somewhat obscure.  This is easily one of the best werewolf movies of the 2010's, maybe the best overall since Ginger Snaps.  Why wasn't Tina Louise in Ginger Snaps?  I digress.  The non-lycanthrope drama is written with panache.  Ironically, it's just as affecting as the tender moments of Bubba Ho-Tep.  Check out Late Phases pronto.  Recommended to fans of 1994's Wolf and calcium-rich diets.

Mid-Capsule

I usually have a mid-capsule post ready to go, but at the moment, all I have is a reminder that Random Werewolf Month starts tomorrow.  Also, you can expect new editions of Now Playing and Iron Supplements in the next 7-10 days.  Dig it!

Blood Capsule #315

BOA (2001)

There is something wrong with me.  I just know it.  Feel my forehead.  Feverishly warm, right?  I may need to check myself into the nearest infirmary because I had a blast with Boa.  Maybe Saturn is in retrograde, or the right stars have aligned.  Or something.  I wish I could explain it away, but this direct-to-video claptrap tickled my fancy.  It wasn't content to merely mimic Anaconda.  No, it takes a stab at the "prison" subgenre.  The plot resides on New Alcatraz, a maximum security slammer located a few degrees of longitude (and latitude, I reckon) away from the South Pole.  Eventually, it will house thousands of criminals, but as Boa begins, the prisoner count is in the single digits.  Of course, these murderers and weapon smugglers are tapped to assist paleontologists in wrangling a prehistoric snake.  Enter Dean Cain (I'll wait a minute for the applause to die down).  He plays Scientist Guy, and I have to hand it to him; I believed he was Scientist Guy.  For what it's worth, the acting is presentable across the board.

That's just it.  Everything is presentable, aside from the spotty CGI.  I'm not going to deduct points for, shall we say, dubious special effects, as it comes with the territory.  It's low-budget entertainment, so play ball.  Technically, it's mid-budget, but something tells me that catering consisted of crackers and peanut butter.  That's only if you don't consider Dean Cain to be a square meal.  So yeah, Dean Cain.  Cripes, what happened to this review?  Anyway, the creamiest compliment that I can afford Boa is that it takes its time setting up the exposition without burdening the pace.  There is some semblance of structure here.  If I could offer any constructive criticism, the film is visually barren.  The sets are gray, the snake is gray, and my beard is gray.  Enough is enough.  I can't look you in the eye and proclaim that Boa is the best "killer snake" flick on the market, but it exceeded my expectations.  By, like, a lot.  Plus, Dean Cain.

Content (a gentle reminder)

I don't know how others view this website, if they view it at all.  This is probably just seen as another blog, but I see myself as a content creator.  I'm no different than a YouTuber, which by the way...YouTube is getting clued in on the Patreon model.  You can now "join" a person's YouTube channel and support them monetarily.  I'm hoping this normalizes the whole process because I always feel weird shilling my Patreon.  The truth is, every dollar helps.  Yes, even one dollar helps keep the site going, as it inspires the hell out of me and kicks my keister into overdrive.

So click HERE and maybe one day, I'll write a 1,000-word essay on The Supernaturals, a nifty "war zombie" movie you probably haven't seen.  Maybe one day...