Now Playing #21

Krabathor - Cool Mortification

I guess most people will have heard of Krabathor through their ties to Master.  Paul Speckmann was a member of the line-up for a few years, but that was late in the game.  Cool Mortification dropped in 1993, and I'll be perfectly honest.  This is the only Krabathor record I have consumed.  Why?  Because...because.  No reason really, though I probably oscillated towards the sick cover art.  I'm superficial like that.  The album itself is pure death metal.  It was Krabathor's second long player, and from what I can tell, they made a precipitous leap from the debut in terms of craftsmanship and sheer chops.  Songs such as "The Loop" and "Evil Corners of Mind" don't necessarily do anything new, but they're written so freakin' well, it doesn't matter.  I particularly love the sweet guitar solos.  An honorable mention goes out to bassist/vocalist Bruno Kovarnik for his beastly growls.  Basically, everything here is cool.

I still have a bit of exploration in front of me as it relates to Krabathor, but if I can convince one reader to check them out, I'd be satisfied.  Oh, and they hail from Czechia.  Now you know.

Gruesome - Silent Echoes

I wrote a little about this album before it was released, but since this column is supposed to document what I've been jamming, it looks like I'm going to write about it again.  If you don't know, Gruesome exists to pay homage to Chuck Schuldiner.  Each record is a callback, and Silent Echoes is a chilling tribute to Human.  They NAILED it.  The production, the vocals, the lead harmonies...this thing reeks of mid-era Death.  I realize that some metalheads stopped listening to Death by the time Human came around.  Hell, some folks even stopped before Spiritual Healing came around, but if I wasn't seven years old in 1991, I wouldn't have been one of those folks.  I love, love, love the progressive-minded approach that Chuck took on later records, so Silent Echoes was built for my ears.  It's a consistent listen.  As such, I can't say that I have a favorite track.  Every song is dotted with "woah" moments.  For instance, the double bass patterns in "Frailty."  Woah.

I'm hoping that this means we'll get Gruesome's take on Individual Thought Patterns and Symbolic next.  Maybe The Sound of Perseverance?  I don't want to sound greedy, but c'mon, you know that would rule.

Blood Capsule #306

MONSTER ON THE CAMPUS (1958)

Gamma rays.  You gotta watch out for those gamma rays.  Here, the electromagnetic radiation has polluted the plasma of a coelacanth.  If you'll turn in your textbook to page 4,567, you'll see that the coelacanth is a species of fish once thought to be a sort of "living fossil," a throwback to an age when the earth was just a giant pot of primordial soup.  But that's not terribly important.  What's important is that the coelacanth has infected Professor Donald Blake.  His DNA is dialed back to the extent that he transforms into a raging caveman.  We also catch a glimpse of an oversized dragonfly, but that's not terribly important either.  Monster on the Campus was directed by sci-fi veteran Jack Arnold.  He knew his way around a monster movie, and it shows in the film's buoyant pace.  I love the scene where Blake realizes that he is the one responsible for the rash of deaths in town.  This almost has the cadence of a werewolf story.  Considering its status as a Universal picture, that may not be a coincidence.

Can I get away with cutting this capsule short?  I mean, I've told you everything you need to know about Monster on the Campus.  It's effortlessly entertaining.  Random trivia!  I missed it, but apparently, there is a shot where you can see the side of the Munsters' house.  So y'know, bonus cool points.

R.L. Stine's Man-Thing?

A friend recently gave me the omnibus collection of the five-issue series of Man-Thing that was written by R.L. Stine (thanks, Bobby!).  I didn't know that such a thing existed until, well, recently.  My history with Stine is unbelievably complex.  To me.  Maybe it's utterly, unabashedly normal, but I don't know.  I can't wrap my head around the guy.  To be clear, I love Goosebumps.  Most of the books are bubblegum-scented garbage, but for obvious reasons, they will always hold a special place in my cankered heart.  I spot something branded with the Goosebumps logo, I buy it.  It's a Pavlovian response, you see.

That doesn't change the fact that...how do I put this?  R.L. Stine is a terrible writer.  Reading his run of Man-Thing just solidified my opinion of his style.  And make no mistake, he has one style.  He has no idea how to write anything that isn't It Came From the Pizza Box or whatever.  I could have sworn that Man-Thing was a typically solemn title, but in the hands of Stine, it's replete with juvenile gags and painful one-liners.  Christ, the one-liners have one-liners.  Every villain has something ridiculous to say.  Man-Thing himself has dreams of becoming an A-List actor in Hollywood.  Yeah.

Of course, the artwork is incredible, but that goes without saying.  I'm glad that I read it, but Stine needs to stick to teenaged ghosts and mutant chickens.  I would actually spend money on It Came From the Pizza Box, though.  Don't tell him I said that.

Blood Capsule #305

PUMPKINHEAD: BLOOD FEUD (2007)

While I'm glad that I'm done wading in this septic tank of a series, I have to admit that Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud (apparently, the "4" is optional) is the best sequel of the lot.  Of course, it's a pale imitation of the original, but - eh, no but.  It's just a pale imitation of the original.  That's okay!  There is still a smattering of rancid CGI, but all in all, the creature suit shenanigans look more fearsome this time around.  Tiny alterations have been made to the plot, and in my humble opinion, these permutations have a positive effect on the final product.  Even Haggis, the old witch, is haunted by the ghost of Ed Harley.  That adds an interesting wrinkle to the mix.  It also gives more purpose to Lance Henriksen's presence.  Hate to say it, but he is entirely unnecessary here.  The idea of a vengeance demon being roped into a "blood feud" makes sense, although I don't know if the story of the Hatfields and McCoys would be considered fertile ground for a horror movie.

Yeah, I suppose I can recommend this flick to Civil War buffs.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  No clue, but either way, we see a wagonload of spilled guts and crushed heads.  Like its predecessor, Blood Feud premiered on the Sci-fi/Syfy Channel, so I appreciate the high-octane violence.  Still, this does bear the stench of broadcast television.  The ending is fairly predictable, what with the third act becoming a waiting game.  The cast is...limited.  But they're trying, and again, at least the script doesn't tarnish a pre-existing character.  Man, Pumpkinhead deserved a classy franchise.  Nevermind the fact that I can't name many classy franchises off the top of my head.  You know what I mean.  In essence, Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud holds the distinction of being the nicest guy in prison.  3 Z'Dars.  I'm tapped.

Random Album Alert

There is a new edition of Now Playing in the oven.  In the meantime, however, check out the classic(k) debut by Floridian death metallers Brutality.  Highly recommended to fans of Malevolent Creation and Bleeding-era Cannibal Corpse.  My favorite track is "Crushed," but you should definitely listen to the whole thing.

Blood Capsule #304

PUMPKINHEAD: ASHES TO ASHES (2006)

I thought I had seen this film when it debuted on the Sci-Fi/Syfy Channel, but apparently, I was mistaken.  This misfire is all new to me, so I'm offended nineteen years too late.  Yes, offended.  Where do I even begin?  Ashes to Ashes tries to be a direct sequel to the original.  That's where it falls short.  It repositions - or "'remakes" - beats from Stan Winston's Pumpkinhead without any of the character that made those beats work in the first place.  Within the first ten minutes, we are told that someone has been wronged, a corpse has been defiled by a crooked undertaker.  Naturally, we don't learn anything about these people and we don't have a reason to be invested in their story.  Remember when Ed Harley visited the pumpkin patch and found Pumpkinhead's eerie grave?  Remember how that moment was cloaked in atmosphere?  Here, Pumpkinhead is dug up by some random lunkhead.  That's your cast, by the way.  Random lunkheads.  And a disheveled Lance Henriksen (more on him later).

The script has the audacity to bring back Bunt from the first movie, the only yokel youngin' with street savvy.  Ashes has turned him into a mentally-challenged manchild.  Moreover, Douglas Roberts' performance is putrid.  Speaking of putrid, the CGI...Jesus wept, the CGI.  The creature effects are standard for the most part, but yeah, the digital stuff is tantamount to Sega Genesis horseplay.  Oh, Doug Bradley collects a paycheck as the town heavy.  I'm so impressed.  According to IMDb, Henriksen was so thrilled with the project, he left the film's premiere before he was called on stage for the Q&A.  Y'know, Blood Wings was forgettable, but it didn't piss me off.  Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes pissed me off.  Most men would lay their weapons down at this point, but I'm committed to see this charade through.  Am I just destined to see through this charade?  We shall see.

August will be...

...Random Werewolf Month!  I used AI to generate an image of a werewolf in a wheelchair, thinking it could be a mascot of sorts.  Eh, I'm not feeling it.  Regardless, I'll be tackling seven or eight werewolf flicks in August.  Most decades will be represented.  I've curated a nice mélange of lycanthropictures to weed through.  I'm hitting obscure stuff, mainstream stuff, and two entries in the Howling series.  Which two?  You'll have to wait to find out!

Blood Capsule #303

PUMPKINHEAD II: BLOOD WINGS (1994)

Alright, I've delayed this long enough.  Let's break down the pithy, somewhat puny Pumpkinhead franchise.  Unfortunately, I'm doing this in chronological order, which I don't recommend.  If you haven't read my review of the original film, click HERE.  If you haven't seen Blood Wings and you're thinking of checking it out, click...anywhere.  Just do something else.  That's my advice.  I have a long history with this curiously delayed sequel, a history rife with vexation and disillusionment.  My dad rented it when I was 10, so I actually saw it before the original.  That is sheer lunacy.  Alas, it is my truth.  Essentially, Blood Wings asks us to forget most of what we know in relation to everyone's favorite vengeance demon.  There is a sepia-toned prologue that introduces us to a deformed child.  Of course, the boy is unjustly killed, but is Pumpkinhead called forth?  Nope!  The old witch can't be bothered until she is badgered by "rebellious" teenagers thirty years later.

We learn that Pumpkinhead is the boy's father.  That raises so many questions, I can't even.  The witch's house burns down, but technically, it's her own fault.  Basically, nothing here is based on logic.  The hushed tragedy and forlorn grace of the first film is replaced with Andrew Robinson clunkily reciting a nursery rhyme.  Why is the coroner always at his house?  Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt myself with random questions, but these are things you're going to ponder while you wait for KNB's effects to pop up.  The cast is dreadful, aside from Ami Dolenz.  Poor Ami Dolenz.  Thankfully, Linnea Quigley's boobs make a cameo appearance.  We get a fantastic decapitation, but good luck caring about any of the characters.  Now, my rating may seem high after all of that bellyaching.  I can't help it.  I have a sentimental attachment to this flick, although if I saw it today for the first time, I wouldn't be nearly as forgiving.

Guilty pleasure?  Comfort watch?  Nostalgia?  I'm trying to find some way to rationalize the fact that I've seen Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings more than once.  Okay, maybe more than twice.