Parts Unknown #1: Impact

Hey, look! A wrestling column! Each week, I'll be reviewing different wrestling shows. Nothing too in-depth (it is wrestling, after all). I'm just going to list the pros and cons of this week's episode of TNA's Impact. Since this is an introductory edition of Parts Unknown, I should tell you where I stand on TNA as a whole. 3-6 months ago, it rocked. However, ever since the ECW guys formed their own stable and the presence of the immortal ones (Hogan and Bischoff) permeated all of TNA programming, things have gone downhill. There are too many old fucks sopping up screen time and everything is beginning to taste like WCW. I still dig TNA, but at the moment, WWE has the superior product from a creative standpoint.

With that out of the way, let's break down this week's Impact...

PROS

~ The opening Knockout brawl was fantastic. This entire division is looking better and better each week. There aren't any Knockouts that I can say I dislike. Yes, Lacey Von Erich is a godawful wrestler, but I like her simple-minded character. The fact that she's insanely hot doesn't hurt either.

~ The 6-bitch tag match between Angelina/Velvet/Mickie and Madison/Tara/Sarita was fun and well-paced.

~ The tag team division. Holy shit. TNA continues to nurture the best tag division in pro-wrestling. If you don't think this is the best tag division in the world, you're fucking wrong. It's as simple as that. The 3-way championship bout between Generation Me, The Motor City Machine Guns, and Ink Inc was phenomenal. Crazy spots, dude. Team 3D coming out after the match was okay, but I sincerely hope that they lose at Turning Point.

~ The street match between Jay Lethal and Robbie E. I enjoyed the use of cheap weapons, although I'm not sure that Robbie E. is ready for a title shot. We've seen so little of him in the ring, that I still can't tell if he's a competent wrestler or not.

~ Velvet Sky's boobs.

CONS

~ RVD's "paranoia" angle is just stupid. It's not believable that he would suddenly question the motives of the EV2 gang.

~ A casket? A goddamn casket? Get your own gimmick match.

~ Jeff Jarrett in the main event? And he wins? Against Matt Morgan? Ridiculous booking. I'm fine with Matt turning face, but I could think of ten better ways to do it.

~ 30 minutes before the first match? That's a gargantuan no-no, in my book.

~ Why do I keep making statements in the form of questions? I blame Dixie Carter.

~ Eric, your heel character is generic. "I'm a bad person. I don't care about anyone else. I love heels and I hate faces. Have I mentioned that I'm a bad person?"

~ Reaction is still a pointless show.

That's all I got. Overall, it was just more mediocrity from TNA. This company needs more repair work than Hogan's back.