Ring of Firmer

I was going to review 1999's Terror Firmer, but a couple of factors prevented this from happening.  HASHTAG ONE: I could only find the R-rated version online.  I wasn't going to plunk down a glob of chicken feed for the DVD when I barely have enough pocket money to put food in my kids' mouths.  Sure, my kids died decades ago, but that's beside the point.  HASHTAG TWO: I'll be busy this weekend, babe!  Tomorrow night, I will attend a Ring of Honor TV taping.  I'm making a concerted effort not to use a daffy amount of exclamation points, but trust me; I'm super stoked.  Who is seeing his favorite tag team - The Young Bucks - in action?  This motherfucker right here!  I mean, this motherfucker right here.  You can expect a write-up.

For those curious, I liked Terror Firmer, but I didn't love it.  I'm sure that the added gore/insanity of the unrated cut would garner an extra half-Z'Dar.  That would bring it up to three Z'Dars, by the way.  I was genuinely swayed by Will Keenan's pledged performance, and Alyce LaTourelle was just as charismatic as Jenny, the torn heroine. However, the lion's share of the comedy didn't click with me.  I'm not a "fart joke" kind of guy.  Pretty sure I've covered this before, but I dig a handful of Troma films, including the Toxic Avenger series.  I'm not anti-Troma.  In fact, I've been wanting to plant my eyes on Poultrygeist.  Is that foreshadowing???  No.

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