Wrestle Kingdom 12 > Royal Rumble?

Now that the dust has settled and wrestling fans have had a chance to assimilate New Japan's Wrestle Kingdom 12, I feel that I can comment on it with some objectivity.  Of course, everything I'm about to say is opinion.  Still, it's MY objectivity.  If I had tried to pen this piece an hour after watching the main event(s), I would have approached the subject matter as a partisan dickbag.  I would have typed, "WK12 was the best pay-per-view since WWE's Money in the Bank 2011."  But with the leverage of time (plus distance) on my side, I can calmly and rationally state that WK12 was the best pay-per-view since Money in the Bank 2011.

This is how it's done.  I will try not to piss on Vinnie Mac too much.  After all, I am a WWE fan.  I do enjoy the bulk of their programming, especially NXT (and yes, the Round-Up returns next week).  However, there is a considerable difference between these two promotions as it relates to booking.  The Mixed Match Challenge on Facebook Live...goddamn.  Solid idea, but have you seen the videos where the pairings are announced?  Kurt Angle invites a superstar into his office.  He says, "Here is your partner!"  Then a wrestler - let's use Braun Strawman as an example, seeing as how he's the size of a fucking sequoia - steps into frame from what couldn't have been five feet off-camera.  The superstar - in this case, Alexa Bliss - is surprised.  Surprised!

How in the leapin' landlord did she not see him???  Nitpicking, quite possibly.  Yet this is a microcosmic sampling of WWE's foremost stickler.  Their fundamental headache is stupid writing.  I don't even like the word "stupid," but I'm forced to use it here, as it applies.  McMahon clings to outmoded wrestling tropes that the rest of the world find laughable.  The way backstage interviews (hell, all backstage segments) are shot, the way sets are dressed, the way levity is used...if comedy is implemented, 97% of it will be fatal.  Wow, I spent two whole paragraphs pissing on Vinnie Mac.  That's exactly what I didn't want!

Moving on.  I don't mean to suggest that NJPW is perfect, but comparatively speaking, it's miles above the North American competition.  If you don't know, Wrestle Kingdom is the company's tentpole show.  It's their Wrestlemania.  Their Triplemania.  Their Bound For Glory (that was tough to type with a straight face).  Casual admirers might only inject this event into their system before going back to discounting New Japan altogether.  I started with WK9.  It was good.  WK12 was great.  The card was a killer.  Every single match had something to offer, even if you didn't particularly care about the angle or the people involved.

Personally, I didn't have much investment in the Goto/Suzuki "hair match," but aside from the pre-card New Japan Rumble, it was the only bout that I considered skipping.  No bathroom breaks.  For the most part, I agreed with the decisions.  I loved The Young Bucks winning their seventh set of IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championships.  Cody and Kota Ibushi worked one hell of an American-style match.  I dig the fact that Brandi Rhodes is finally heeling it up and calling herself the most beautiful woman in professional wrestling.  Because damn, she isn't far off.  Yeah, yeah...she's playing a character, but this is where I'll slide another picture.

That ain't no Eartha Kitt, y'all.

There was a four-way scrap for the IWGP Light Heavyweight Championship featuring "The Villain" Marty Scurll, Kushida, Hiromu Takahashi (w/ Daryl, natch) and Will Ospreay.  I won't spoil it, but the accelerated pace and the hypersonic, air-happy spots are worth a gander.  This division puts WWE's cruiserweights to shame.  Okay, that was the last reference to Stamford, Connecticut.  I promise!  Hiroshi Tanahashi put his IWGP Intercontinental strap on the line against a rechristened Jay White.  I was looking forward to seeing White take his "Switchblade" persona for a spin and I wasn't disappointed.  He may be wrestling Kenny Omega next, so you know that elder chieftains spot his potential.

The co-mains.  I'm not going to elucidate a grand...er, elucidation on Okada/Naito.  It was the match that everyone thought it would be, which isn't necessarily an aspersion.  It was fine, but this is my site, and I was slavering over Alpha versus Omega.  Chris Jericho versus Kenny Omega.  If you can't see why this fight is a big deal, like, where are you?  If you weren't excited to witness it, I would have to seriously question your status as a wrestling fan.  I thought it kicked ass.  The first three minutes alone are more exhilarating and electrifying than--NO, I PROMISED!  But it did rule.  We got blood, profanity (f-bombs are not a must, but it's refreshing to hear adults sound like adults), and assuredly, signature moves from both combatants.

Match of the year!  Well, it's early January, but I guarantee that it will materialize on several year-end lists.  NJPW has already progressed certain storylines.  White is a member of Chaos (!), and Jericho has made it clear whether or not he's staying in Japan (!!).  If I were you, I'd sign up on New Japan World, NJPW's streaming service.  This isn't a sponsored write-up, you asshole.  You do what I tell you to do!