Dommy Impact?

So John Hennigan can just change his last name based on the company he's working for?  He has been Morrison (and Nitro) in ECW/WWE, he has been Mundo in Lucha Underground and ever since joining the Impact roster, he has been - you guessed it - Impact!  Readers, from hence and whence forth, I am to be addressed as Dom Random.

Ergh, nevermind.  I prefer my given appellation (Domstopher Valenzuela-Hakari Esq.).  So the other night, I decided to do the unthinkable.  I watched Impact Wrestling!  Apparently, I picked a good week, as the episode had a Crossroads theme.  It was essentially a 2-hour PPV with commercial breaks.  All but one contest was stipulated for a golden strap.  I will freely admit; I was impressed, although I had a feeling that I would be.  You see, management has been displaced again.  If what I'm reading is correct (it is), Impact's current bookers are Scott D'Amore and Don Callis.  And if I'm being honest (I'm not...okay, I am), the former TNA is in safe hands.

Then again, I was spared promo segments on account of the episode's match-only focus.  I'll watch again next Thursday to gauge the product and find out if it's still whackadoodle.  Other fans are into this shit.  Personally, I haven't watched Impact in years.  When I say it put me off, it really fucking put me off.  I don't expect to start watching it on a weekly basis because Satan almighty, there is a cunt-ton of wrestling in the ether!  Between NXT, Smackdown (I scarcely bother with Raw), NJPW and random (!) indie promotions that I follow, I don't have time to cum in my pants.

You caught me.  The truth is, I do have time to...let's change the subject, shall we?  The Sydal/Ishimori match was brain-melting, and it made me pine for the days of Evan Bourne.  Ha!  The main event was fucking killer.  Austin Aries versus Johnny Impact.  Need I say more?  They could have gone for half an hour.  Damn TV limitations.  I've mentioned this already, but I'm super curious to discover where this show is, really.  On a sliding scale from righteous X-Division wars to Dixie Carter sleeping with A.J. Styles, where are we exactly?  Which pole are we closer to?

PS-I don't get Laurel Van Ness.  Rosemary I get, but LVN?  She's tolerable in the ring, but something about the character isn't rendering for me.  My shoulders are shrugging.