Blood Capsule #244

ABERRATION (1997)

This movie didn't leave much of an impression on me, but I have to document my viewing experience somehow, don't I?  Ordinarily, I wouldn't.  You see, Aberration does not pass muster.  It barely qualifies as horror.  A woman looks to spend some time alone at a remote cabin and winds up playing "whack a mole" opposite a gaggle of mutant lizards.  When I say "gaggle," I mean...eh, a handful.  The stakes aren't very high.  In fact, this "infestation" is manageable for most of the running time.  Why am I using so many quotation marks?  That has to be a red flag.  Anyway, Aberration only becomes a bloodbath in the last 15-20 minutes, but I was already zoned out.  Shockingly, there are a couple of explosion set pieces.  Do you know what that means?  It means a respectable budget was frittered away, relatively speaking.  I would blame Hollywood, but this thing was shot in New Zealand.

So there you have it.  Aberration doesn't deserve a second paragraph.  There is a flash of embarrassing CGI at one point.  It's rewind-worthy.  Heaven, help me.

Now Playing #16

Jerry Cantrell - I Want Blood

I'm just as much of a Jerry Cantrell freak as I am an Alice in Chains freak.  His first two solo albums are some of my favorite pieces of music ever recorded by man.  2021's Brighten proved to be an interesting digression, though I was expecting 2024 to be an Alice year.  Sadly, it is not.  Does the release of I Want Blood mean that AIC is currently kaput or out of commission, you may ask?  Jesus, I hope not.  Don't scare me like that.  I'm just grateful that Jerry recorded something, even if I consider this set to be a "grower."  Yeah, I wasn't crazy about this album at first.  The songs came across as Devil Put Dinosaurs Here b-sides.  The more I listened to them, however, the more I realized that I shouldn't complain about hearing Jerry's leftovers.  That's if they are leftovers (to be fair, they don't seem to be...from what I've read anyway).

The driving title track is stuck in my head.  "Off the Rails" has a sick guitar solo (of course, most of the tunes have a sick guitar solo).  "Echoes of Laughter" recalls the rustic grain of Brighten, while "Let it Lie" wields one of those note-bending riffs.  You know the kind (see "It Ain't Like That" off of Facelift).  Does I Want Blood come anywhere near the majesty of Boggy Depot or Degradation Trip?  Nope.  Will it tide me over until Alice's triumphant return?  Yep.  I hope I don't have to wait three years.

Vuur - In This Moment We Are Free (Cities)

Former Gathering throat Anneke van Giersbergen is one of my favorite female vocalists in metal.  "But Dom, she hasn't been in a metal band since the 90's."  Ah, you haven't heard Vuur!  Granted, the project is listed as "on hold" over at The Metal Archives, but they did release a banger of an album in 2017.  I remember that autumn very well.  I listened to Cities, like, a lot.  So what made me listen to it this past week?  Dude, I have no idea, but I'm totally glad that I rediscovered it.  If I had to drop it in a subgenre bucket, I would go with "progressive djent."  Don't run away.  Normally, I'm not into djent, but I would be if every djent band was fronted by Anneke.  If you need convincing, listen to "My Champion" or "The Martyr and the Saint."  I could listen to her angelic melodies over bluegrass.  Something about her phrasing, I don't know...I heart her.

I don't know why I started another paragraph.  I was going to make a point, but it left me.  Check out Vuur (not to be confused with the post-metal stylings of Vuur & Zijde).

Blood Capsule #243

THE HAUNTING OF MORELLA (1990)

I have a theory.  I think that Jim Wynorski, drunk on power and other spirits, accidentally made a decent little movie here.  The mission statement could not have included quality control.  No, I don't believe for a second that Jim (we're on a first-name basis, I'm sure) aimed any higher than sex and blood.  But something strange happened, dear reader.  Something mysterious.  Something cabalistic.  Something impenetrably anagogic!  As I was watching The Haunting of Morella, I noticed that I was beginning to...care...about the characters.  How could this be, you ask!?  I don't know.  It has to be said that a nascent Nicole Eggert actually tries in a dual role as her own mother.  A prologue establishes that Morella was a witch.  Because this is a period piece, she is blinded by torches, and in effect, burned at the stake.  Seventeen years later, her daughter is consumed by a paragraph break.

Clearly, Morella wants to live/kill vicariously through her daughter.  The script is not "chef's kiss" material, but at the very least, I can say that I wanted to see how the plot would resolve itself.  Ol' Jim tosses in plenty of cemeteries and lightning storms to maintain optimal levels of atmosphere.  And boobs.  Dear God, there are enough boobs to nurture an entire nation of starving babies.  Sorry, that's an unfortunate image.  I'm not certain if this film deserves the kind of standoffish acclaim you would give to art that was adequate in spite of itself.  And yet, The Haunting of Morella is adequate in spite of itself.  Take my rating with a silo of salt.  Random trivia!  Are you sitting down?  Screenwriter R.J. Robertson is also responsible for Munchie and Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time.  Feel free to digest that information any way you want.

My thoughts on the new Blood Incantation album...

I was going to save this for the next edition of Now Playing, but at press time, there is too much music that demands my attention.  I'll be honest (for once); I wasn't sold on this record on the first spin.  I felt that Blood Incantation's dalliance with 70's space rock had crept too far into the death metal arena.  But like I said, that was the first spin.  I am currently enjoying my tenth spin, give or take.  This stuff has grown on me.  A Creepshow analogy, if I may...I am to Absolute Elsewhere what Jordy Verrill is to meteor shit.  I'm digging the cosmic textures, the keyboard (and guitar) solos, and even the occasional patch of clean vocals.  If you weren't privy, Elsewhere is comprised of two 20-minute movements.  Both "The Stargate" and "The Message" sound fresh to my ears.

I've often lamented the stale state of modern death metal, so I can't gripe when a band actually does something different.  I understand if it's not your cup of herbal tea, though.  My personal favorite Blood Incantation release is still Starspawn.  That's subject to change in a couple of years.  Keep your eyes gouged for a new Now Playing sometime next week-ish!

Blood Capsule #242

CELLAR DWELLER (1988)

What do you get when you combine the creative brain trust behind Empire Pictures with a groovy script written by Don Mancini?  Don't answer just yet.  Imagine handing that script over to director John Carl Buechler, the enterprising special effects guru responsible for Troll and (most of) The Dungeonmaster.  Okay, now add a killer creature suit and a talented cast spearheaded by Yvonne De Carlo (yes, Lily Munster herself).  If you didn't know, what you get is one of the most entertaining horror films from the 80's that no one ever talks about.  I won't sit here and tell you that it's perfect, but I freakin' love it.  Cellar Dweller starts with a prologue that introduces us to Colin Childress (Jeffrey Combs, yo), a comic book artist toiling away at his latest creation.  Obviously, his latest creation is the Cellar Dweller, an abstruse beast with roots in the astrophysical (I think).  It seems that Colin's imagination has pulled his monster into reality.  Yeah, it's one of those stories.

Cut to thirty years later.  Whitney arrives at an isolated art institute run by the priggish, square-toed Mrs. Briggs (that would be Lily--I mean, De Carlo).  She learns that the basement is off-limits.  Apparently, it's where her hero - the shadowy Childress - butchered an innocent girl before turning the axe on himself.  At least that's the prevailing rumor, but Whitney doesn't believe a word of it.  Feel free to consult Wikipedia for a more detailed synopsis.  I don't want to reveal everything.  Actually, there isn't much more to reveal, as the film only stretches to 77 minutes, and that's if you count the credits.  Cellar Dweller does feel incomplete, but don't let that deter you from checking it out.  It's full of energy and, for lack of a better noun, color.  It wouldn't be inaccurate to say that it was shot to look like a comic book.  Aside from Creepshow, I can't name many other genre pearls that were so heavily influenced by EC comics (pre-1990, that is).  Creepshow 2 maybe?

Don't sleep on this beauty.  I'm proud to own it on both VHS and Blu-ray.  Come to mention it, I would put Cellar Dweller somewhere in my Top 20 movies of all time.  No, that's not a list I'm itching to make.

The Kane Multiverse

Gimmick infringement is nothing new in the wild world of independent wrestling, but a singular "development" has emerged in recent times.  If you fast-forward to 4:00 in the above video, you will see the entrance of CoKane.  Yes, that's Kane as a cocaine fiend, white gear and all.  He has wrestled for JCW, and legally, I don't know how that's possible.  I guess because it's slightly different, it gets a pass?  Something tells me that Glen Jacobs wouldn't approve.  But wait, there's more!

Meet Blue Kane!  He's just like Kane, only...blue!  I can't believe that he hasn't signed with AEW.  But wait, there's more!?

Meet Gayne!  Yes, it's the LGBTQ version of Kane.  But wait, there's...no, that's it.  Would a triple threat match mean the end of the Kane multiverse, or would it grow even stronger?

Blood Capsule #241

THE SHE-CREATURE (1956)

I have to be honest.  I wanted to like this movie more than I did.  It's in my wheelhouse.  There is nothing inherently wrong with it.  Let me do the synopsis thing, and then I'll try to make sense of it all.  An occult hypnotist has smoothed out the wrinkles of his road show.  He subverts the will of his lovely assistant through the power of suggestion, and presumably, her soul is transmigrated back in time.  She links up with her past life as a...um, a crawfish?  A brawny barnacle maybe?  I don't know what the hell it is, but it's beginning to vacate the ocean in search of...um, companionship?  Refreshments maybe?  I don't know what the hell it wants.  Huh, it just occurred to me that I don't know anything about The She-Creature.  The monster is cool, though!  There are shades of The Monster of Piedras Blancas, which is simply divine.  One day, I need to type up a definitive list of "fishman" flicks.

So where does this AIP picture go wrong?  It's hard to quantify.  There are far too many scenes of Dr. Lombardi (the aforementioned hypnotist) explaining the plot to cops and reporters alike.  On the upside, the cast is game.  Marla English is enticing as the diffident Andrea.  Apparently, Peter Lorre rejected the script outright.  But again, the film doesn't actually veer off course.  I just wanted more of the she-creature.  This is fine entertainment for a late autumn night.  Coincidentally, I watched it on Halloween, although I'm not sure when this review will be published.  Director Edward L. Cahn also gave us Invasion of the Saucer Men and The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake among many, many others.  The She-Creature was remade in 1968 as Creature of Destruction.  Man, I'm dying to see that one.  No, I'm not being sarcastic.

Product Review: Raycon Earbuds

This was hastily thrown together, but I wanted to shout-out Raycon.  NOTE: This is not a paid advertisement.  But man, I've tried a million earbuds.  They all fall out of at least one of my ears at some point, and obviously, I can't physically hold them in place.  These babies, on the other hand, fit snug.  Now I can cruise around Wal-Mart while listening to black metal like God intended.  Yesterday, I jammed Samael's Blood Ritual while running errands.  So that's neat.

That's all I'm typing.  It is what it is.