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Blood Capsule #324

THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER (1977)

If you look up reviews of this film, a couple of things will jump out at you.  A) The production company - Crown International - gave director William R. Stromberg a gastric ulcer (just guessing) by tampering with the final product.  B) You will notice throngs of dweebs grousing about the special effects.  Okay, maybe "throngs" is overshooting it a bit, but I did come across more than one artless comment on the stop-motion beastie in The Crater Lake Monster.  Don't listen to the dweebs.  This particular Plesiosaur looks incredible, considering the dinky budget.  I don't even know how certain shots were achieved.  The clay models mesh unjustifiably well with the actors.  And the bulldozers.  Yes, we get a brief struggle between our dinosaur and heavy machinery.  By the way, I'm calling it a dinosaur out of sheer laziness.  It's a prehistoric something that is shaken to life by a meteor.  I'm realizing with age that a generous portion of the best movies ever made begin with a bolide fireball landing in the middle of a forest.

To that end, I wouldn't rank this flick over other contenders in the "meteor monster" sub-subgenre.  Sorry, but it doesn't touch The Blob or Killer Klowns from Outer Space.  It's definitely fun, though.  I'm contractually obligated to enjoy it on account of a gratuitous car chase.  It's so random, as is the double homicide that leads to the car chase.  Seriously, where did that come from?  I do have to deduct points for the goofball comedy.  For some ungodly reason, we spend an inordinate amount of time with the muttonhead owners of a boat rental service.  The film won't let them fade from memory.  I guess we're supposed to react when one of them ends up as chum.  Personally, if I were the Crater Lake Monster (y'know, in The Crater Lake Monster), I would demand better chum.  I'd still say this is a fine motion picture.  Slightly superior to 1985's The Sea Serpent, which I recently watched.  Slightly inferior to the fossilized dung of the Midwestern Tree Dolphin.

Gotta watch out for those tree dolphins.

Iron Supplements #5

BEHOLDER

Here is one for fans of epic metal.  Beholder also falls into the power metal camp, although they're nowhere near, say, Hammerfall.  They trend towards Candlemass-style doom, with vocalist John Yelland (of Judicator fame) sounding like a younger Robert Lowe.  Any Dungeons & Dragons players in the house?  Apparently, that's where the name comes from.  A Beholder is a "floating orb of flesh with a large mouth, single central eye, and many smaller eyestalks on top with powerful magical abilities."  I probably just scared you off, but don't recoil just yet.  This stuff jams.  You can expect to hear prize-winning riffs and saucy solos (sorry, my adjectives are out of control) on In the Temple of the Tyrant, the 2025 full-length debut.  Amorphis frontman Tomi Joutsen delivers guest growls on "Eyes of the Deep," which is currently massaging my earholes.  All in all, this band is kicking my crippled caboose.  Highly recommended for fans of air guitar and...um, paladins.

Short story!  I once played D&D at a coffeehouse.  Once.  The night ended with my character (a druid, if memory serves) committing suicide as I ran over the game pieces with my wheelchair.  For some reason, I wasn't invited back.

Blood Capsule #323 (Special Edition)

What's a Special Edition?  It's a series where I review one of my favorites.  These are films that would appear in my Top 50 or so (if I endeavored to compile such a list).

THE HOWLING (1981)

I'll end the suspense.  The Howling is my favorite werewolf movie of all time.  I have a sick fascination with the sequels, but they really did it right the first time.  Watching it last night (after a period of dormancy that lasted several years), things clicked for me.  I think I know why it works.  I mean, I've always known, but this most recent viewing shed some clarity on the matter.  The Howling is one of a handful - and that's being generous - of lycanthropictures that perfectly balances vein-slashing horror with genuine pathos.  The secret weapon?  Dee Wallace Stone.  She's invaluable as TV journalist Karen White, so much so that I can't imagine the film without her.  None of it, not even Rob Bottin's jaw-dropping special effects, would hit the same without her ardent, solemn performance at the core of the film.  If you need a synopsis, White is sent on a furlough to a mountain resort to find some solace after a harrowing episode where she assisted the police in nabbing a serial killer.

I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying that this leave of absence is interrupted by a gaggle of werewolves.  The creatures themselves are fierce.  I can only echo the sentiments of others when it comes to the transformation sequence, which I just learned was shot after director Joe Dante ran out of money.  Who needs a budget anyway?  This is a five-Z'Dar supernova of fur and wolfsbane (I'm using five Z'Dars from my personal collection, I'll have you know), but it should be noted that the midsection is sluggish.  As much as I try to silence my inner critic, I had to mention it.  That doesn't diminish the explosive third act, though.  John Carradine earns a nomination in the category for Best Supporting Actor That is Almost Dead.  And that was a tough playing field, too.  Elisabeth Brooks was a shoe-in for Sexiest Werewolf Bitch.  I'm kidding; that's not a real category.

Random Album Alert

Another day, another 2025 release that rips.  The band is Shrieking Demons, and this is an excellent slab of death metal.  Could very well end up on my year-end list.

Blood Capsule #322

UNNATURAL (2024)

Disclaimer!  I'm only roping Unnatural into Random Werewolf Month for two sketchy reasons.  How sketchy?  Enough to warrant a disclaimer.  I needed there to be a "current" film amongst the dead pool of titles that I curated.  Also, this is a werewolf movie for, like, five minutes (the first five, to be exact).  It switches to vampire mode for the rest of the running time.  I had to include it, though.  Folks, Unnatural is a horror/western hybrid starring Al Snow.  Yes, the wrestler.  I didn't realize that he entertained an acting career on the side, but his IMDb page is variegated in an assortment of low-budget projects that range in style from horror to Homeless for the Holidays, whatever you would call that.  He's pitch-perfect here as a grizzled cowboy.  Actually, that's going to be a theme, as I have to say that Unnatural is pretty...unbad.  Don't get me wrong.  It's obvious that this flick is limited in scope, but I didn't spot nearly as many unintentional gaffes as I was expecting.

Snow plays a stolid, imperturbable drifter who opens the film by saving his grandchildren from a werewolf.  Incidentally, our lycanthrope looks...can I use "unbad" again?  It's un-ungood.  From there, we cut back and forth to a Dodge City of sorts.  The sheriff is a bloodsucker.  By God, if Al Snow can't send him and his acolytes back to Hell, he's going to die trying.  That running time I mentioned clocks in at 103 minutes.  Normally, that would be a hindrance for a z-grade picture show, but while Unnatural moves at a methodical pace, I was never bored.  I was hoping to see Al Snow dispatch monsters at high noon/midnight, and for better or worse, that's what I got.  If I want to sleep at night, however, I can't hand out any more than three Z'Dars.  That's just the way it is.  Now, I'm no wobblin' jaw, so I'm going to head for the door.  Don't squat with your shootin' spurs on, partner.

By the way, Unnatural II and III are in pre-production.  Hot dog!

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Blood Capsule #321

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS (1997)

I imagine that fans who flocked to see this film in 1997 were disappointed that it didn't (correction: couldn't) live up to An American Werewolf in London.  Can I share something with you?  Promise not to laugh?  In my opinion, London is overrated.  Any moron could tell you that the special effects were incredible, but it left me feeling flat.  It's definitely not my favorite werewolf movie.  Not even close (I'll get to my actual favorite a couple of reviews from now...patience, patience).  If you view Paris as a true sequel, it's not going to wash your dishes.  However, if you view it as a stand-alone creature feature, one produced in the gizzard of a slasher boom, you might find that most of its punches connect.  The main dude is played by Tom Everett Scott.  He is vacationing in France with his daredevil buddies, and right off the bat, this flick has a leg up on the original.  The oh-so-significant best friends are brought to life by perennial "that guy" actors Vince Vieluf and Phil Buckman.  Simply put, they rock.

This is the last time I'll reference it, but I never felt a connection to the side characters in London.  Here, they're entertaining, and as an added bonus, they play an integral role in the storyline.  Conversely, I can't say that the chemistry between our cloying leads is particularly riveting.  Julie Delpy is fine as the lycanthropic love interest, but...meh.  The rain-soaked opening credits ensured me that Paris would be easy on the eyes.  And it is, with the exception of the werewolves.  Good Lord, the CGI has not aged well.  It looks foul.  Malodorous even!  That's a crucial bone of contention, considering that the werewolves are the stars of the show.  In terms of gore, nothing stands out.  I realize that it sounds as if I've soured on An American Werewolf in Paris over the course of this capsule, but I had fun with it.  I enjoyed it more than I did when I saw it at the fragile age of thirteen.  I'm pretty sure I was just waiting to see boobs and/or blood in 1997.  I'd like to think I've matured since then.  Ahem.