Blood Capsule #273

THE COFFEE TABLE (2022)

This will be an extremely difficult review to write.  Basically, I have to sell you on The Coffee Table without telling you anything about it.  In fact, just stop reading.  It's available on Shudder.  Watch it, then get back to me.  I will reveal this much; I knew about the film's "gimmick" (that isn't really the right word) beforehand, and I still enjoyed myself.  So maybe it's not that big of a deal, but...I wish that I had gone in blind.  It's up to you.  What the hell can I say here?  The Coffee Table concerns a coffee table.  Don't expect a supernatural contingency.  There are no ghosts or goblins, nor is the coffee table made of wood sourced from a witch's bonfire.  There is no villain per se.  Is it even a horror film, you ask?  Absolutely.  It's 100% horror, and while the script flirts with black comedy and histrionic melodrama, the characters find themselves in truly horrifying situations.  Maybe tag it as "furniture horror" alongside Mirror, Mirror and Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes.

The acting is top-notch.  David Pareja is believable as a father who simply wants to protect his family.  You can understand the extreme decisions he makes, even if you take the judgmental route and you don't think you would ever be in his shoes.  The point of The Coffee Table is that you could be in his shoes.  What if?  What would you do?  It's frustrating to speak in such opaque terms, but again, it's best if you go in fresh.  An honorable mention goes out to Estefania de los Santos.  She gives a grounded performance, although it did take me awhile to warm up to her.  The last twenty minutes are unreal.  I don't know if I'm ready to hand out a 5-Z'Dar rating to a movie that hasn't had a chance to age gracefully.  I'm tempted!  I totally dug The Coffee Table, and yeah, you should check it out.  Without delay.

Random Song Alert

This was a random pull, but it will cool your jets on a carefree Sunday evening.  Well, if you're into fiendish black/death metal.

Blood Capsule #272

DESTINATION INNER SPACE (1966)

Don't look now, but I'm in my wheelhouse again.  If only I could stay here indefinitely.  For the uninitiated, my wheelhouse involves fishmen.  This one is a little more fish than man.  It's also from outer space, but hold your (sea) horses.  I can't actually remember how or where I learned about this mini-submersible, but I'm glad that I did.  Revisiting Destination Inner Space, I wondered aloud how it wasn't a cult classic held in high esteem.  All of the right ingredients are present.  A chiseled, wildly misogynistic Scott Brady turns in a proficient performance as a naval commander reporting to an underwater laboratory.  Sonar has detected an unidentified object floating ever closer to home base.  It's soon revealed to be a probe that isn't from around here.  The hovercraft contains a strange capsule, and no, it's not full of blood.  As it happens, it's fraught with a fishman, a righteous rascal with an orange mohawk (technically, it's a fleshy ridge, but I'm sticking with "mohawk").

Once our monster is introduced, the camera isn't timid when it comes to glamour shots of Gillman from Space.  He seems to know he's the star of the show.  Now, I'll level with you; the pace could be described as somewhat laborious.  There are a few moments of dead air, but I was sold on this flick from the very first frame.  I'm willing to overlook certain flaws, flaws that might be damaging to someone who doesn't have a predilection for this sub-subgenre.  I think we all have cases where we look the other way as it relates to a movie's deficiencies.  For instance, I refuse to believe that Spookies isn't pitch-perfect.  I better wrap this up before my tangent charters an oblique course through redundancy (sorry, Spookies brings out the worst in me).  Definitely give Destination Inner Space a whirl, even if it's just for the scene in which Gillman from Space is restrained and basically handcuffed.  It's too much, man.

Grog

Sometimes, I'll watch two movies and decide what to review the next day.  Last night, I watched Tentacles and Monster in the Closet.  Coin toss?  Honestly, neither picture is particularly inspiring.  The latter was released by Troma, though I don't believe it was an in-house production.  Then again, it's suffused with Lloyd Kaufman's unsavory brand of humor, so who knows?  Clearly, I don't.  Also, I took a muscle relaxer a few hours ago.  I'm surprised I'm typing anything remotely coherent.

I'm going back to bed.

Blood Capsule #271 (Special Edition)

What's a Special Edition?  It's a new series where I review one of my favorites.  These are films that would appear in my Top 50 or so (if I endeavored to compile such a list).  My goal is to write a Special Edition Blood Capsule once every couple of months.  We'll see how that goes!

PUMPKINHEAD (1988)

When I was a kid, Pumpkinhead was just a cool box at the video store.  Now, thirty viewings later (that's a conservative estimate), it's my third or fourth favorite film of all time.  Top five, easily.  In maintaining this website, I have developed a reputation as a monster guy, especially amongst my friends.  Well, Pumpkinhead is the monster movie.  It's perfect cinema, as far as I'm concerned.  The trick?  The film's entertainment value doesn't begin and end with special effects that are now considered legendary.  It has heart.  There's a reason why I chose the image you see above these words.  There is no shortage of killer visuals I could have went with, but they don't mean anything without the story of a father losing his son in a lamentable accident.  Lance Henriksen was born to play the role of Ed Harley, and if Pumpkinhead is ever given the remake treatment (I'm surprised it hasn't already happened), I pity the fool burdened with the task of stepping into those shoes.

Of course, the rest of the cast is superb.  No, splendiferous!  It's hard to believe that this was little Matthew Hurley's only screen credit.  Ed and Billy share, what, fifteen minutes of screen time?  Less if you disregard Hurley's post-mortal bit of acting.  And yet they hammer out a believable relationship, the kind that some of us remember from childhood through the silver-hued eyes of nostalgia.  When Billy dies in his father's arms, it's a punch to the small intestines that you feel in your gums.  But the film delivers in the "cool stuff" department as well.  The death sequences are brusque and anguished, matched by a multi-pronged score that ratchets up the intensity at just the right moments.  This may seem minor, but Pumpkinhead features one of the creepiest depictions of a witch in all of horrordom.  See, it really does have everything.  Stan Winston keeps the plot humming at a controlled pace.  It seems wrong somehow that this was his sole gig as a director (in the horror field anyway...no, A Gnome Named Norm doesn't come up to scratch).

I may or may not cover the sequels.  That's a...that's a situation.  Watch Pumpkinhead if you haven't!

Blood Capsule #270

THE UNKNOWN TERROR (1957)

This film was delivered to my doorstep at just the right time.  I've made it no secret that I've been in a rut in terms of what I've been watching.  Some people would take that as a hint and maybe - oh, I don't know - change their viewing habits.  Yeah, I don't see that happening anytime soon.  But again, I won't need to change anything if I can keep finding pearls like The Unknown Terror.  This is a heady slice of "scientific horror" where the antagonist seems drab on paper (shades of The Monolith Monsters).  After anatomizing the lyrics to a calypso song, scientists head off to the Caribbean in search of the fabled "cave of the dead."  Upon arrival, they are met with cold silence from the locals.  There is a doctor who may know where the cave is located, but he isn't saying much either.  Without spoiling everything, I can tell you that the unknown terror in The Unknown Terror is an aggressive fungus deleterious enough to cause gruesome deformities.

You know what that means, don't you?  Cave monsters!  It does take awhile to get to the good stuff, but the exposition is both tightly paced and written with panache.  The relationships between our leads are a little more complex than I was expecting.  At a certain point, a potential love triangle becomes a love...parallelogram?  I dug Paul Richards as Pete, a geophysicist who walks with a pronounced limp.  It could be said that this flick hobbles a bit, especially around the hour mark.  There are too many shots of people looking, studying, spelunking.  However, that's the only negative comment I can muster.  The Unknown Terror is engrossing.  I was just as intrigued by the human drama as I was by the spuming microbes.  And let me tell you, I love me some spuming microbes.  I know I already mentioned it, but if you enjoyed The Monolith Monsters (which came out the same year, coincidentally), you're going to want to hunt this baby down.  Also, I recommend it if you're really into the weathering of rock.

A few convention pics...

So yesterday, I attended Mad Monster Party, a rockin' horror convention here in North Carolina.  It's definitely the grandest, most opulent (???) con that I can call local.  I suppose most fans go to these things to meet certain celebrities and nab exorbitantly priced autographs, but with few exceptions, I go to buy stuff I don't need.  It's a tale as old as time.  What's that saying?  A fool and his money are about to part ways?  Yeah, that's me.  I'm the fool.  You can see my haul below.

I always forget to take pictures during these situations.  Clearly, I wasn't in the mood for photo ops, but Devon was cool enough to take a picture for free.  I did meet Darcy the Mail Girl, and unlike the last time, I managed to say intelligible words to her.  Small victories!

Taken just before I was powerbombed through a table.

Random clown!

Creepy dude on stilts.

My comic book haul.

My movie (and wrestler) haul.

MMP '25

That bald, purple fellow is the logo for Mad Monster Party, a horror convention that haunts North Carolina on an annual basis.  I've attended MMP on numerous occasions, and I'm sure that if you used the search function on this here website, you could find my write-ups from years past.  I doubt that I'll write much about it this year, but I AM attending.  And I can't freaking wait to spend money on crap I don't need in the vendor room.  If there are any photo opportunities, I'll post them on Sunday along with my "haul."  Lastly, if you're going to Mad Monster Party and you happen to see me there, greet me accordingly!  I'll be the devilishly handsome lad in the Maniac Cop shirt (oh, and the wheelchair).

PS-I watched 1955's The Quatermass Experiment last night via Amazon Prime.  Too busy to review it at the moment, but man, I highly recommend it.  It's all sorts of cool.

The Dark Power?

So The Dark Power is a mix between Demon Warrior and Neon Maniacs.  And I was hoping it would be good fodder for a Blood Capsule, but...nope.  It just sucks.  I need to be inspired in order to write, and I've just seen way too much junk lately.  Yes, I realize this is all my fault.  Back to the drawing board.  Man, these must be the residual effects of Mummy Month.  Ick.