WM2 + WM25 = WM27?

Taker No-Sells Tripstone; HHH Goes to Tommy Jarvis For Advice

I enjoyed Wrestlemania 27. Like most of its predecessors, there were pros and cons. Why don't I outline them for you?

PROS

~ I don't know why the show opened with a World Heavyweight Championship bout, but things could have been worse. It could have been a mediocre match. It could have been predictable (I believe that I was the only smark who didn't see Del Rio leaving with the belt). Christian could have shocked absolutely no one by betraying Edge and assuming the nonsensical role of the "swerve heel." My only gripe is that the match should have been a few minutes longer.

~ Rey allowed Cody to pick up the clean win? Holy shit! This will do wonders for Rhodes. Captain Mexico (cool costume, by the way) just scored major brownie points with me. Another solid match.

~ The Snoop Dogg audition was ridiculous, but I'm sticking it in the "pros" section. Why? Because Beth Pheonix looked adorable. I love that girl. Oh, and congrats to Khali for winning the dark battle royale. Useless cunt. Why can't India rise up and assassinate this bromidic beanstalk? Every other brown nation is flipping their shit. If I was a celebrity, I would be pressured into apologizing for that comment.

~ The clash between CM Punk and Randy Orton was the second-best match of the night. Great use of ring psychology. It's too bad that the tree snake (or whatever the fuck he calls himself) refuses to put anyone over.

~ The Undertaker versus Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Match of the fucking night. For starters, Triple H's Metallica-backed entrance was epic. Some are saying that this match topped both HBK matches. Here's my take on it. Wrestling-wise, the HBK matches are superior, especially WM25. Storytelling-wise, the HBK matches don't hold a candle to what will surely be regarded as one of the best matches in Wrestlemania history. I couldn't believe how emotional it was. There is no doubt in my mind that Taker suffered an injury or two, but I'm just as positive that all of the post-match drama was staged. He knows what he's doing. Triple H made up for his finite athleticism with poised acting. Why is he wasting his talent on sewage like The Chaperone?

~ I'm ambivalent towards the ending, but I'm glad that The Miz retained the WWE Championship. Seeing The Rock pwn John Cena was just the icing on the cake.

CONS

~ No tag team title defense? No IC title defense? No US title defense (!)? Vince, we have a problem. I won't belabor the point, but something needs to be done about the midcard championships pronto.

~ It goes without saying, but the 8-man tag match was fucking pointless. I actually feel bad for the guys in The Corre.

~ The Cole/Lawler match was protracted beyond reason. This should have been a 5-minute squash. Period. Sheamus and Daniel Bryan were expunged from the card to make room for this bullshit? You've got to be kidding me. And why did Booker T eat a stunner? Just because? Fuck off. Suck my dick. Go to Hell.

~ Was I supposed to be impressed by Snooki's spot? Okay, I was kind of impressed, but the match was still miserable. I want John Morrison versus Dolph Ziggler for the WWE Championship at WM28. Do it!

Raw will be on soon, and my mind is drained. You know what that means...Coccaro out!