Star Wars

How's this for random???  I never want this site to be predictable, so it made perfect sense to review Star Wars.  That's not the only reason why I'm exscinding this near-mythical sci-fi saga.  I thought it would be interesting to offer an outsider's perspective.  Growing up, I rarely showed interest in the series.  I seem to recall catching a chunk of Return of the Jedi on television, but aside from that piecemeal encounter, I didn't watch a full Star Wars entry until Revenge of the Sith hit theaters.  And I only went to appease a friend.  What can I say?  It's not my bag.  However, I've been indulging in more unmitigated science fiction as of late.  2013 might as well be the year that I sit down and tipple 1977's Star Wars.

On some level, this was an opportunity for George Lucas's pet project to submit itself to a dogged litmus test.  Would it be industrious and accessible enough to click with an esoteric horror geek?  Would it stand up to draconian scrutiny?  I spoke to George beforehand, and man, he was a nervous wreck.  He knew that my opinion could make or break his career.  I have the final word on these matters, and he understands how valuable my endorsement has become (look no further than Rachel Ray...you're welcome, America).  In any event, I liked it.  It's a blithe, expeditive space adventure with leading-edge special effects and an intensely prismatic cast of characters.  I can definitely see how an adolescent might fall in love with it.

Young Dom's brain was deflected in a different direction, but I get the appeal.  It almost feels custom-built for formative audiences.  The script is crude, as it paints the narrative in patent shades of black and white.  Star Wars is basically a Saturday morning cartoon.  Of course, that's not necessarily a complaint.  It's a style that serves its core players, especially its villains.  Darth Vader is one of the best scamps in cinematic history, and Peter Cushing steals the screen as Grand Moff Tarkin.  In my oh-so-humble opinion, the rest of the acting troupe is dissonant.  Harrison Ford is too cold, while Mark Hammill is...shit, I just can't take him seriously.  Yeah, that's kinda-sorta the point, but I'll kindly ask you to remove yourself from my conscience, thank you very much.

I wanted to view Star Wars on VHS, but I had to settle for the baroque Blu-ray.  Yuck.  Of course, I detested the supplementary CGI, but that won't be reflected in the rating.  As the closing credits rolled, I noticed that I was curious to find out what happened in the sequels.  Congratulations, George!  You passed, or at least your film did.  Does that mean I'm a convert?  Not really.  I didn't adore Star Wars to the point where I would consider myself to be a fanatic in training (frankly, the ham-fisted allusions to Christianity were off-putting).  I think it's cool; that's all there is to it.  Having said that, I'd be open to renting The Empire Strikes Back.  I realize that I don't sound particularly enthusiastic, but I enjoyed the jerkey out of this flick.

Beef.  The jerkey, I mean.  My flavor of choice?  Teriyaki.  Now you know.