Blood Capsule #239

THE KINDRED (1987)

I wanted to end my mad "14 in 14" experiment on a high note, so it's a good thing that I took a chance on this sci-fi/horror sleeper.  Nutshell review?  Rad monster, no other notes needed.  At least that's what I would write on Letterboxd, provided I had the time and energy to maintain my Letterboxd account.  I want to make sure that I don't bury the lede.  This flick is a dream, and I'm genuinely surprised - no, mortified that it remains criminally underseen.  It didn't even debut on disc until three years ago.  Apparently, a swathe of legal red tape safeguarded its status as a VHS rarity for years.  Now that I think about it, I might own it on video, but I'd have to check my haunted closet to be sure.  None of that matters.  The Kindred is based on an original screenplay, though you would swear that it's an adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story.  After John's mother dies of a heart attack, he is tasked with canvassing his childhood home (not in the political sense).  You see, Mom was working on a paragraph break.  Hold that thought.

Anyway, it turns out that the matriarch of John's family, herself a scientist, was conducting genetic research of some kind.  It was her dying wish that her experiments be terminated.  Why?  What horrible secrets can be found in the Anthony journals?  And who the hell is Anthony???  My lips are sealed, but I will tell you that the answer involves a cluster bomb of slime, tentacles, and other sweet practical effects.  The climax is a trip, man.   According to the behind-the-scenes featurette on the Blu-ray, co-directors Jeffrey Obrow and Stephen Carpenter were able to play with a budget of $3 million.  It shows.  Moreover, we get to know three-dimensional characters as the horror unfolds.  I don't know who was responsible for the dialogue (there are five people credited as writers, and that includes Psycho scribe Joseph Stefano), but everyone sounds grounded. 

I can't heap enough praises on The Kindred.  It comes dangerously close to 5-Z'Dar territory.  Recommended to fans of awesome stuff.

Taken from the bonkers UK poster.

Blood Capsule #238

STOPMOTION (2023)

I'm a fan of stop-motion animation.  I want to get that out of the way because I'm about to disparage this film.  We're not talking relentless butchery (as the half-hearted rating can attest), but I was definitely disappointed.  The storyline makes clever use of the tried-and-true special effects technique.  A stop-motion artist named Ella is knee-deep in the production of her mother's film.  When Mom is sidelined with dour health issues, Ella is faced with "demons" that threaten to level her mental faculties.  I'm using quotation marks out of selective necessity.  The villain(s) is hard to describe, and truth be told, you probably shouldn't read any reviews of Stopmotion before you press play.  As the running time progresses, the film reveals itself to be a challenge.  To be specific, it reveals itself to be the one kind of horror that I've always struggled to decipher and/or comprehend.  What kind is that?  Arthouse horror.  I shivered just typing the words.

Writer/director Robert Morgan submerges his characters in metaphors, both visual and contextual.  Some are oblique.  Others are more direct.  All of them facilitate painting a narrative that prioritizes creepy imagery over cogent storytelling.  And that's fine if you're in the mood for something offbeat and pretentious.  Those adjectives may carry negative connotations, but I don't want to ridicule Stopmotion for not catering to my tastes.  There are cool moments.  I found Caoilinn Springall's performance as the nameless neighbor to be chilling.  Unfortunately, my mind kept asking questions that were never going to be answered.  Like, how does Ella support herself?  Where are the little girl's parents, and how is it seemingly so easy for her to bulldoze her way through Ella's social circles?  Ultimately, half of this review is going to be meaningless if you haven't seen Stopmotion.  So either check it out on Shudder or...um, stop reading.

Blood Capsule #237

ZOLTAN: HOUND OF DRACULA (1977)

I'm a dog person.  I don't know if that made it easier for me to appreciate this film.  Of course, I wanted to play fetch with Zoltan and give him plenty of cuddles.  The viewer isn't supposed to warm up to the damned Doberman, but it's not my fault that the dog looks cute with vampire fangs.  If you're a dog person, I'm sure you can relate.  This is a pure-bred b-movie of the highest caliber.  A matter-of-fact prologue sets the tone as Communist soldiers inadvertently exhume the remains of one Count Dracula.  They subsequently disturb the caskets of his two servants, the skeletal Veidt and his emotional support animal of sorts.  We follow them as they track down Dracula's last living relative.  Our protagonists - a very vanilla family - have pets of their own.  I'll go ahead and praise the non-human cast members.  I suppose I should praise their trainers, but I have a weakness for German Shepherds.

Obviously, this is a silly flick.  It's worth mentioning, however, that it takes itself rather seriously.  There are copious shots of Zoltan piercing the necks of other canines, and director Albert Band frames them in such a way that they could have been death sequences involving regular people.  You're only going to get that kind of pokerfaced absurdity from the 70's.  On the acting front, Michael Pataki is grounded as Mr. Drake.  Get it?  Don't roll your eyes.  José Ferrer plays Zoltan's equivalent of Dr. Van Helsing with authority.  Try as they might, the flesh-colored thespians are not as compelling as their furry counterparts.  Screenwriter Frank Ray Perilli also wrote Laserblast.  Make of that what you will.  For the record, Zoltan: Hound of Dracula (a.k.a. Dracula's Dog) is leagues above Laserblast.  Recommended to fans of The Pack, Man's Best Friend, and parvo.

NOTE: I was set on 3.5 Z'Dars until the closing frames.  I won't spoil anything, but suffice to say, we were cheated out of a sequel.

Blood Capsule #236

WITCHBOARD 2: THE DEVIL'S DOORWAY (1993)

This one just missed my cutoff for Random Sequel Month.  It was in the running for three main reasons.  1) I dig 1986's Witchboard.  2) I dig director Kevin Tenney.  3) I dig Ami Dolenz.  It should come as no surprise that I dug Witchboard 2.  While it's an in-name-only sequel, it could be argued that it outpaces the original.  To be honest, it's a toss-up.  The plots are fairly similar.  After breaking up with her possessive boyfriend, Paige moves into a cavernous loft apartment.  She finds a Ouija board in the closet, and because this is a horror treat, she decides to put hand to planchette faster than you can say "Here I Go Again."  Wrong actress, I know, but I'm contractually obligated to make a Whitesnake joke in this review.  In any event, it seems that the former tenant of her living quarters was murdered.  Is a disturbed spirit trying to communicate with Paige?

In the distant future, scholars will anatomize Ami Dolenz's filmography.  She was the perfect final girl.  Hell, she made Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings watchable.  Aside from Ticks, The Devil's Doorway might be the best production to utilize her talents.  This isn't groundbreaking cinema, but it's polished enough to stand out from the pack.  The pace is spry, the camera is kinetic, and hey, we even get a car chase toward the finale.  Witchboard III: The Possession was churned out in 1995.  I've seen the trailer, and if it's okay with you, I think I'll pass.  No Tenney, no dice.  Random trivia!  The apartment in the film was later used as Paddy's Pub in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  More random trivia!  David Coverdale was born in 1908 in the far reaches of the galaxy.

Blood Capsule #235

FOREVER EVIL (1987)

This will be a hard movie to describe.  I'm up to the challenge, but forgive me if I sound...conflicted?  I don't know, man.  Parts of Forever Evil are interminably boring, yet other parts recall the resourceful horrors of The Evil Dead.  Of course, there is a caveat.  It doesn't hold a candle to The Evil Dead, nor does it possess the wax required to fashion such a candle.  Aside from sharing similarly miserly budgets, the two films have comparable plots.  Friends gather at an isolated cabin to play cards and discuss high-tech inventions (just roll with it).  It doesn't take long - like, at all - before one of the girls is gutted in the shower.  She was pregnant, but the fetus is missing.  Other characters turn up dead, one by hanging and one by off-camera methods.  The killer?  Well, how about a Lovecraftian god?  I definitely appreciated the film's cosmic bent.

Forever Evil was shot on 16mm, which looks glorious.  Again, there are moments that flirt with brilliance.  The surrogate villain is a ridiculously rotting zombie, and the film just stops at one point so that our baddie can pull out his own eyeball.  That.  I needed more of that.  Regrettably, the exposition is abound with pages upon pages of sardonic dialogue.  The talking never seems to end.  I wouldn't mind the, shall we say, patient pacing (the acting is actually decent), but the running time is...go ahead, guess.  Would you believe 106 minutes?  And the director's cut is even longer!  Somehow, I came away from this b-lark with a dopey smile on my face.  When it goes, it goes hard.  If I were Joe Bob Briggs (oh, let me pretend), the drive-in totals would include occult frippery, demonic baby fu, and gratuitous pyrotechnics.  3.5 Z'Dars.  Joe Bob says...er, Dom says check it out.

Blood Capsule #234

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL (2024)

If you have your finger on the pulse of modern horror, you have no doubt heard of Late Night with the Devil.  Part "found footage" and part mockumentary, it plays like an episode of a syndicated talk show.  Host Jack Delroy is in a rut.  After losing his wife to cancer, he finds himself in a ratings battle against the likes of Johnny Carson.  Jockeying for position and desperate to draw viewers, he unspools a Halloween special.  That's what we get to see, and we are told that the footage may shock us into oblivion.  Aside from behind-the-scenes stuff, the conceit of the film is to show us an ordinary block of network programming.  High-concept scares are a mixed bag, but Late Night feels like the genuine article.  For the most part.

Before I go too much further, I will say that the similarly-themed WNUF Halloween Special comes across as more authentic, and thus, more effective.  Directors Colin and Cameron Cairnes clearly did their homework, though.  This is a fresh spin on legerdemain and demonic possession.  Well-timed commercial breaks assist in keeping the pace afloat.  If I had to single out a drawback (and I don't have to, but roll with me), the character of Jack isn't exactly sympathetic.  Your protagonist can be flawed to a point, but in my estimation, the script goes a bit too far in fudging the lens, so to speak.  However, it ends with a bang.  I can appreciate the fact that Late Night with the Devil isn't afraid to get messy.  Recommended to fans of opening monologues and stomach worms.

Blood Capsule #233

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

STRANDED (1987)

As much as I didn't want to follow a running theme, a certain leitmotif seems to have materialized.  Call it a keynote.  Time and time again, I'm encountering random, off-the-wall films that failed to find footing with mainstream audiences.  Stranded is one such title.  I've never heard anyone make even a passing reference to this sci-fi sleeper.  A problem could be the presentation, as it was relegated to a "regional release" by New Line.  Still, it has the bells and whistles of a studio picture.  The narrative develops in real-time.  A woman and her bratty, bumptious granddaughter are visited by extraterrestrials on an otherwise ordinary weeknight.  I suppose it could have happened on a Saturday.  It doesn't matter!

The aliens are docile and benevolent.  They are seeking refuge, however, from a steely assassin who cannot be described as docile or benevolent.  Cops get involved, which only complicates matters.  Ill-tempered rednecks also get involved, but I don't want to reveal too much of the plot.  Stranded is wholly engrossing.  I dug the interstellar players, especially the automaton guard.  The special effects department is stately, but it doesn't showboat.  What I mean is that the visuals never supersede the storytelling.  An honorable mention goes out to Flea, of all people.  Yes, the bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers appears as Jester, the scamp of the alien lot.  If you're lucky enough to spot Stranded on VHS, wrest it from the shelf posthaste.  Because you can't have my copy.

Blood Capsule #232

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

MATTHEW BLACKHEART: MONSTER SMASHER (2002)

I'm assuming that this flick sat on the shelf for a spell before landing on television (not sure what channel; I'm banking on Syfy).  It feels like a 90's holdover, and scenes shot in New York City are clearly pre-9/11.  So who is Matthew Blackheart?  He's a unique superhero with the backstory of Captain America and the personality of Bruce Campbell.  The bulk of the film is relayed through flashbacks.  In the 1940's, Blackheart was created in a laboratory for the express purpose of locking horns with Nazis.  Of course, something goes wrong, and our valorous hero becomes cryogenically frozen until the present day.  The present day is 1999, which supports my "shelf" theory.  Anyway, the monsters being smashed are called Bogeys.  Some are vampires; some are were-trolls.  All of them are controlled by the nefarious Mortas and his subservient dwarf.

That's a lot to take in, huh?  Director Erik Canuel spoonfeeds the exposition to us, so everything is easy to follow.  An honorable mention goes out to Robert Bogue.  He plays Blackheart with an equitable mix of pathos and absurdity.  Comparisons to Ash are justified, but things never get too silly.  Monster Smasher's strength lies in its special effects.  I'm surprised that it was claimed by the hazy hands of obscurity.  The DVD is long out of print, but it's not impossible to find.  Recommended to fans of Darkman, Brian Yuzna's Faust (hey, it's relevant), and comic book tie-ins.  As an added note, I doubt very seriously that a Blackheart comic was ever commissioned, but I would love to be proven wrong.

Blood Capsule #231

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

DNA (1996)

When I was 13 years of age, I passed by the box for this flick countless times.  I never did rent it.  How could I have known that it belonged to a stratum of cheese that I would prize as an adult?  Of course, I'm speaking of the mid-level creature feature.  Too big to be shot on video, but too small to be pieced together with any rhyme or reason.  This stuff is manna from heaven.  According to The Bible, manna tasted like honey.  Admittedly, Winnie the Pooh would probably pass on DNA, so I think any canonical comparisons end there.  The storyline finds a scientist (Mark Dacascos a.k.a. bush-league Brandon Lee) on the wrong end of a bizarre double-cross.  An older, madder scientist (Jurgen Prochnow of all people) steals his research on enzymes in a bid to revive the fossilized remains of a mythical creature in the jungles of Borneo.  Yes, enzymes.  It's all very scientific.

First things first.  Our main character is a bit of a dick.  At one point, he beheads a perfectly chill anaconda in a show of chivalry.  Drop the "tough guy" act, man.  That snake was minding its own business.  Anyway, DNA is anemic.  Scratch that; it's virtually bloodless!  That would explain the videotape's pallid complexion.  Acts two and three are patterned after Predator.  So much so, in fact, that I swear I saw the monster blush.  We even get a shot of our intrepid hero diving into boggy waters with his alien assailant following close behind.  I don't know why I'm mentioning this, but the sparse CGI isn't nearly as pathetic as you would expect.  That didn't keep me from checking my watch on more than one occasion.  DNA should be labeled "DNR."  Cue the laugh track.

Blood Capsule #230

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

LOVERS LANE (2000)

There should be an apostrophe in the title.  That shouldn't bother me, but it does.  I could say the same for this workaday slasher.  I should be immune to derivative "teen horror," but I'm not.  Lovers Lane is especially bothersome because it comes dangerously close to being, well, good.  A pair of lovebirds is brutally slaughtered while in mid-snoggle.  Thirteen years later, the hook-handed killer is granted a reprieve from a mental institution.  Dead bodies begin to pile up, so you'd think this would be an open-and-shut case.  And it probably should be, but we get multiple suspects tossed our way.  I'm not spoiling anything by lamenting the circuitous plot, am I?  Not that I care.  The script tries too hard to be clever.  RANDOM TRIVIA: Lovers Lane was drafted, in part, by Geof Miller.  He also wrote House IV and DeepStar Six.

There isn't much to review here.  The teenaged cast is likeable (Anna Faris plays a plucky cheerleader a full year ahead of her star-making turn in Scary Movie), but the film doesn't decide on a main character until the third act.  I was reminded of Cherry Falls, a similarly uneven fright show that subverts stereotypes.  Of course, Lovers Lane wants to be compared - favorably - to I Know What You Did Last Summer.  Eh, they're neck and neck.  I'd give the edge to Summer since it came first.  Recommended to fans of rejection.  Needs more death.

Blood Capsule #229

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS (1957)

Why do I feel like I'm reviewing the same movie over and over again?  Grab your bingo card.  Attack of the Crab Monsters hits all of the notes you would expect, and to top it off, this crustacean's exoskeleton is drizzled with Roger Corman flavoring.  For the record, Corman has the same general taste and mouthfeel as orange dreamsicle shaved ice.  Now that I'm hungry, let us continue.  The "plot" serves up standard fare, but these crab monsters are clairvoyantly possessed by their victims.  I'll give b-scribe Charles B. Griffith this much; he makes dubious quasi-science sound plausible.  Looking at his track record, it's no wonder.  He also wrote 1960's Little Shop of Horrors and 1956's It Conquered the World.  When his characters discuss the effects of radioactive fallout on seafood, you believe them.

Russell Johnson (a.k.a. The Professor from Gilligan's Island) anchors the cast as an insufferably dull geologist.  Or maybe he's a seismologist.  I don't know.  I drifted from time to time, which again, could be found on my horror bingo card.  I swear, it's not my fault.  The exposition is the very definition of tedious.  On the bright side of the carapace (I'm running low on crab terminology), the deaths are quite brutal for 1957.  It's hard to believe that this is the one Corman quickie that was never given the remake treatment.  I suppose I shouldn't give anyone ideas.  Attack of the Crab Monsters is hardly mandatory viewing, but at just over an hour in length, I wouldn't call it an exasperating experience.  It falls somewhere between "okay" and "hunky-dory."

Blood Capsule #228

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

THE CAT CREATURE (1973)

I feel like I've written this review before.  Here we have yet another made-for-TV spleen-tickler, and this one involves a mummy!  Unfortunately, it's a proper mummified corpse that remains in his sarcophagus.  He wears a golden amulet around his neck, and that, dear reader, serves as our MacGuffin.  An antique appraiser is killed while assessing its worth, but who is the killer?  Could it be the all-pervasive black cat that always seems to loiter near a crime scene?  Or maybe it's Hester Black, the macabre owner of an occult boutique.  I have a feeling that you're not going to watch The Cat Creature, so I'll just tell you that it's neither.  Would you believe that the guilty party happens to be Meredith everloving Baxter?  She plays the reincarnation of Bast, an Egyptian feline goddess.

Now you're definitely going to dismiss The Cat Creature, but it's not quite as inauspicious as it sounds.  From what I remember anyway.  Look, it was late at night.  Don't give me grief.  Or guff.  Can you give guff to someone?  Oh, bother.  My memory recall is bleary, but I know that I was on board with whatever chicanery that director Curtis Harrington delivered to my doorstep.  The cast is well-equipped for the job.  Gale Sondergaard turns in a standout performance as the wraithlike Black.  John Carradine shows up to chat with a dwarf prostitute.  Apparently, Harrington included the bantam trollop (or fun-size floozy, if you prefer) as retaliation against the network* for forcing him to excise lesbian overtones from the script.  Yeah, that'll show 'em.

Overall, I feel comfortable labeling The Cat Creature as borderline forgettable.  I mean, it's fine, but it's a waste of a good mummy.

*Animal Planet, I'm assuming.

Blood Capsule #227

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

THE CURSE (1987)

I mainly watched this movie to try and figure out how it spawned three sequels.  I still have no idea, but it wasn't nearly as rotten as I was expecting.  It loses its footing in the third act, but before we get there, an apology may be in order.  Wil(l) Wheaton stars as a wide-eyed kid on the receiving end of pejorative abuse from his scripture-slinging whackjob of a father (I can understand blaming the scripture, but this guy is truly bent).  Apparently, he wasn't doing much acting, as the Star Trek alumnus recently revealed that he was abused on the set of The Curse.  The experience was so damaging, that he outright refuses to sign memorabilia relating to the film.  Yikes.  I'm sorry for halfway enjoying it?

Maybe I shouldn't apologize.  After all, there are still fans who insist that Clownhouse is acceptable entertainment.  For the record, this is not a hearty endorsement for Clownhouse.  Good God, let's change the subject.  Synopsis, save me!  A meteor crashes on a farm, and the resultant astro-sludge seeps into the town's water supply.  It isn't long before people and animals alike start acting bizarre.  If that sounds familiar, it's because this is an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's "The Colour out of Space."  You wouldn't be wrong for thinking The Curse is sorely lacking Nicolas Cage, but it compensates with an eerie atmosphere and a mostly galvanizing pace.  While I've got your ear, I'll also recommend The Curse II: The Bite.  For some ungodly reason, I own multiple copies of The Curse IV.  And that, my friend, is just unfortunate.

Blood Capsule #226

This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book.  Buy it HERE!

THE NIGHT CALLER (1965)

Disregard the generic title.  This British sci-fi import was released in the states as Blood Beast from Outer Space.  Now that is a title!  You would never know it from the candy coating, but this is a wry, imaginative film.  It certainly surpassed my expectations.  I was just in the mood for a cozy sliver of psychotronic delectation.  The storyline is deceptively simple.  When a meteorite crashes near a laboratory (it's quite convenient, really), a team of scientists examines the strange quark* and deduces that it must be a transmitter of some sort.  Their hypothesis proves to be correct.  It isn't long before the device is tied to a string of missing girls.  I know what you're thinking, and yes, the alien is from Ganymede, Jupiter's largest moon.  They're always from Ganymede.

The Night Caller has a laconic sense of humor.  Having said that, the funny stuff isn't forced.  The dialogue is tapered, and we get strong performances from our leads.  A young John Saxon stars as the central savant.  The film takes a sharp left turn at the halfway point, which very nearly gave me whiplash.  I was worried that the script wouldn't recover from such a precipitous about-face, but the sequence of events keeps the viewer guessing.  Sure, the resolution is a tiny bit anticlimactic.  I can't complain because of how much I enjoyed the journey to the resolution.  A diamond in the rough, to be sure.  Apparently, there is a colorized version available, but the crisp black-and-white photography feels right.  So check out The Night Caller.  Even Leonard Maltin liked it.

*I definitely misused that word.  Don't tell anyone.

Now Playing #15

Metal Church - Metal Church

For a metalhead, I don't listen to a ton of West Coast thrash.  I dig the usual suspects (your Metallicas, your Testaments, etc.), but by and large, it seems that I wasn't born with the recessive Bay Area gene.  And yet, I'm all about some Metal Church.  More specifically, I'm all about the first two Metal Church albums that featured David Wayne on vocals.  Don't ask me why.  It's not that I dislike the material that came later, but in my estimation, the early stuff reigns supreme.  I recently picked up the 1984 debut on CD.  It has proven to make for superlative driving music.  The riffs slam, the leads slay, and the production is surprisingly robust for an old school metal platter.  I do prefer 1986's The Dark by a (very) slim margin, but I have yet to upgrade from my cassette tape.  In due time, in due time...by the way, does anyone know how much it would cost to install a tape deck in a custom van?

Black Sites - The Promised Land?

I feel like I've said this about other albums, but this baby is definitely going to wind up on my Top 10 year-end list.  As a matter of fact, it's currently sitting in pole position (sorry, I promise that will be the only Nascar reference I type today).  This is Black Sites' fourth long player.  They hail from Chicago, and if I had to quantify their sound, I'd say they play a beefy mix of thrash and traditional heavy metal.  Closest comparison?  Eh, I guess Spirit Adrift, but they have a unique flavor.  Vocalist/guitarist Mark Sugar can actually sing, which is refreshing for a band in 2024.  The solos are guaranteed to rip out your pubic hair.  I'm loving the dual harmonies in "Dread Tomorrow" and "World on Fire."  Those are probably my favorite songs, though the 11-minute title track is worth an honorable mention.

Overall, The Promised Land? (the question mark is optional) is freakishly good.  Out of everything I've listened to since writing the last edition of Now Playing, I've spun this record the most.  Figuratively.  Forget subgenres; this is just solid metal.

And the winner is...

By random drawing, the winner of the Super Cool, Super Random Giveaway is...Kanyon Bickel!  As is customary, the winner has 48 hours to respond.  If it's a no-go, I'll contact someone else.

Thanks to all who entered!

My thoughts on Terrifier 3...

How in the hell did this film secure a wide theatrical release?  Yeah, Terrifier 2 was a surprise success, but have you seen Terrifier 3?  I have, and...yeah.  Say what you want about brazen gore (Jesus Christ, the gore), but this has to be seen as a win for the horror genre.  Doesn't it?  Maybe I'm trying to convince myself.  I did like the movie.  There is no doubt in my mind that this is the best film in the series.  It has a tighter sense of pacing, and unlike its direct predecessor, you could actually tell that there was an editor on the payroll.  Terrifier 3 hits all of its beats in two hours flat.  Now, that's still too long, but the thing was easier to digest.

The special effects are insane (dig the Tom Savini cameo).  All of the violence is extremely well-staged, even if it left me ambivalent at the end of the day.  This movie made me realize - more than any other recent horror hit - that my tastes are uniformly innocuous by comparison.  I appreciate gore, but I doubt that I'll ever watch Terrifier 3 again.  To be clear, it's a fine achievement.  The acting is low-key incredible.  I don't think it's engaging in hyperbole to suggest that Lauren LaVera may very well be this generation's Jamie Lee Curtis.  I'll be interested to see where her career goes from here.  Likewise, David Howard Thornton is most definitely the modern day equivalent of Robert Englund.

Ah, but how will these flicks be remembered in thirty years?  No idea.  More power to 'em.  It's been too long since a horror film has truly pissed off white bread America.  Terrifier 3 fits the bill, although your mileage may vary.  Closing thoughts?  Clint Howard rules!

Embarrassment of Witches

I recently cracked open my Tales From the Darkside set.  First impressions after zooming through the first season...man, there were a lot of duds, weren't there?  Some episodes don't make any sense whatsoever.  But - and this is a weighty "but" - the pilot is killer.  Entitled "Trick or Treat," this episode focuses on a miserable miser who gets his comeuppance in the form of a cackling witch.  It's so good.  I don't even care if the rest of the series is pure cack, although I know it isn't.  I may need to revisit Tales From the Darkside: The Movie in the near future.

PS-The contest ends in a couple days.  Jump into the fray!

Album Cover of the Whatever

The band is Aethyrick.  The music is mystical black metal.  Dig those milky midnight blues.

Random Match Alert

Cora Jade recently made her return from injury.  She looks to be entering a feud with Giulia down in NXT, but you may not know that she wrestled in AEW as Elayna Black.  It was only a couple of matches during the pandemic era.  Here, she squares off against Red Velvet.  Remember her?  It's funny to think that Tony Khan had access to both Jade and Stephanie Vaquer before fumbling the ball.  Man, AEW's women's division is a mess.  Sorry, but it's true!

My thoughts on Oreo Coke...

One bottle.  There was one bottle of Oreo Coke (Zero) left at the grocery store, and since my mom knows me pretty well, she grabbed it.  I didn't know this product existed until recently.  Vanilla Coke is my favorite drink on the planet, so this seemed like a slam dunk.  The verdict?  It's...okay.  Honestly, it just tastes like really, really sweet Coke.  I do like sweet Coke, especially if it's streaming from a McDonald's soda fountain.  Take my comments with a cube of sugar, though.  Mom disagreed with me.  She tried it both with ice and straight from the bottle.  Without ice, she claims that the Oreo flavor is much stronger.  My tastebuds tell a different story.  Who knows?  I don't know how much longer we'll be seeing Oreo Coke on shelves, but I wouldn't be opposed to drinking more in the future.

At press time, I haven't eaten any of the Coke Oreos.  I have to assume that I would dig them, so it's probably a good thing that they aren't currently haunting our kitchen.

14 in 14!

Last Halloween, I did something called "7 in 7" where I posted seven Blood Capsule reviews in seven days.  This year, I'm doubling down on the madness.  That's right, folks.  Fourteen reviews in fourteen days!  Am I insane???  Yes!  If you're wondering, I won't actually have to write that many reviews because I'm pulling from my book.  Oh, you didn't know?  A few months back, I published my first book, which contains reviews that you won't find on this website - until now.  I will be writing some new ones, however (I'm using ten from the book).

14 in 14 begins October 18th!  I'll post plenty of other stuff until then, but be forewarned...I'm going to promote the hell out of this thing on social media.  It's a big deal, man.