THE COFFEE TABLE (2022)
This will be an extremely difficult review to write. Basically, I have to sell you on The Coffee Table without telling you anything about it. In fact, just stop reading. It's available on Shudder. Watch it, then get back to me. I will reveal this much; I knew about the film's "gimmick" (that isn't really the right word) beforehand, and I still enjoyed myself. So maybe it's not that big of a deal, but...I wish that I had gone in blind. It's up to you. What the hell can I say here? The Coffee Table concerns a coffee table. Don't expect a supernatural contingency. There are no ghosts or goblins, nor is the coffee table made of wood sourced from a witch's bonfire. There is no villain per se. Is it even a horror film, you ask? Absolutely. It's 100% horror, and while the script flirts with black comedy and histrionic melodrama, the characters find themselves in truly horrifying situations. Maybe tag it as "furniture horror" alongside Mirror, Mirror and Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes.
The acting is top-notch. David Pareja is believable as a father who simply wants to protect his family. You can understand the extreme decisions he makes, even if you take the judgmental route and you don't think you would ever be in his shoes. The point of The Coffee Table is that you could be in his shoes. What if? What would you do? It's frustrating to speak in such opaque terms, but again, it's best if you go in fresh. An honorable mention goes out to Estefania de los Santos. She gives a grounded performance, although it did take me awhile to warm up to her. The last twenty minutes are unreal. I don't know if I'm ready to hand out a 5-Z'Dar rating to a movie that hasn't had a chance to age gracefully. I'm tempted! I totally dug The Coffee Table, and yeah, you should check it out. Without delay.
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