BOA (2001)
There is something wrong with me. I just know it. Feel my forehead. Feverishly warm, right? I may need to check myself into the nearest infirmary because I had a blast with Boa. Maybe Saturn is in retrograde, or the right stars have aligned. Or something. I wish I could explain it away, but this direct-to-video claptrap tickled my fancy. It wasn't content to merely mimic Anaconda. No, it takes a stab at the "prison" subgenre. The plot resides on New Alcatraz, a maximum security slammer located a few degrees of longitude (and latitude, I reckon) away from the South Pole. Eventually, it will house thousands of criminals, but as Boa begins, the prisoner count is in the single digits. Of course, these murderers and weapon smugglers are tapped to assist paleontologists in wrangling a prehistoric snake. Enter Dean Cain (I'll wait a minute for the applause to die down). He plays Scientist Guy, and I have to hand it to him; I believed he was Scientist Guy. For what it's worth, the acting is presentable across the board.
That's just it. Everything is presentable, aside from the spotty CGI. I'm not going to deduct points for, shall we say, dubious special effects, as it comes with the territory. It's low-budget entertainment, so play ball. Technically, it's mid-budget, but something tells me that catering consisted of crackers and peanut butter. That's only if you don't consider Dean Cain to be a square meal. So yeah, Dean Cain. Cripes, what happened to this review? Anyway, the creamiest compliment that I can afford Boa is that it takes its time setting up the exposition without burdening the pace. There is some semblance of structure here. If I could offer any constructive criticism, the film is visually barren. The sets are gray, the snake is gray, and my beard is gray. Enough is enough. I can't look you in the eye and proclaim that Boa is the best "killer snake" flick on the market, but it exceeded my expectations. By, like, a lot. Plus, Dean Cain.
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