Blood Capsule #363

SLITHIS (1978)

I feel like this review needs a disclaimer of sorts.  Something along the lines of "this movie will not entertain most normal people."  I accidentally slid into Slithis (a.k.a. Spawn of the Slithis), but as it turns out, it's comprised of the stuff, the very physiognomy, that appeals to the horror-centric circuits of my brain.  It has everything I need from a cult classic, regardless of whether or not it qualifies as a cult classic.  Of course, there is a monster.  And it might...might be a fishman.  Soil samples contain traces of radioactivity that might...might be coming from nuclear reactor spillage off the coast of California.  The script mentions that this ooze might...might have seeped into a lagoon.  A lagoon!  To me, that spells "fishman."  I'm taking it and running with it.  It should be noted that Slithis is not terribly concerned with the viewer.  There is a lot of talking, a lot of sedentary "action" that only bogs down the pace.  But!  If the characters are talking about ridiculous pseudo-science (and most of the time, they are), I'm hooked.  Can't help it.

For a no-budget production, the creature design is pretty fantastic.  Apparently, the poor guy in the suit was stuck in rubber on 15-hour shooting days.  I say, give him every Academy Award, even Best Sound Mixing.  Speaking of which, Slithis deserves serious consideration in the category for Best Gore.  After removing objectionable violence to secure a PG rating, producers edited those scenes back into the movie before it was shipped off to theaters.  Ha!  So you see that I have to dig this flick on principle alone.  The cast does make an earnest effort to give implausible lines of dialogue some degree of gravity.  While I can't say that Slithis holds a candle to Humanoids From the Deep or Island of the Fishmen, it certainly ranks above Bog.  And Blood Beach.  It's way better than Blood Beach.  Don't watch Blood Beach.

The German one-sheet.

Matches That Time Forgot #70

Has it really been four years since I posted one of these?  This one was inspired by Hiroshi Tanahashi's recent retirement.  It's also inspired by watching a bunch of random Razor Ramon stuff.  Yep, it's a post-WCW (and pre-WWE) Scott Hall versus a very young Ace.  The Bad Guy takes an upset.  Pretty cool find!

Blood Capsule #362

This review was requested via Patreon.  If you'd like to request a review (and please do show mercy on me), click HERE.

FRANKENSTEIN AND ME (1996)

I feel like I'm the only one who isn't overly enthused about Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein.  I only mention it because it seems to lack a key element that I was able to find in Frankenstein and Me.  That key element?  Fun!  Remember fun?  It was what you experienced as a kid when you first saw the Universal horror movies.  I'm sorry, but I can't be frightfully ardent for a 150-minute period piece.  A love story, at that...perish the thought.  This obscure curiosity nails the kind of vibe I was hoping to sluice out of both Del Toro's Frankenstein and the recent stab at The Wolf Man (or as a friend called it, Rabies Dad).  I can't believe it slipped past me in the 90's, but that's why I take requests on occasion.  The cast is outright bizarre.  Burt Reynolds - who could have easily been played by Norm Macdonald - stars as a dreamer.  That's how he is described anyway.  He is the main character's father, and roughly 30 minutes into the film, he dies of sudden heart failure.  So that's a bummer.

Frankenstein and Me tells the story of how a little boy copes with the loss of a loved one.  How is it horror-adjacent, you may ask?  Valid question.  There is a pastiche of nostalgia-tinted daydream sequences that depicts young Earl as the mad doctor in Frankenstein or as the tragic lycanthropic figure in The Wolf Man.  These scenes are lovingly shot.  As a matter of fact, I loved 'em, and I have to imagine that any other monster kid would feel the same way.  Without revealing too much, we also get a secondary arc that deals with a carnival sideshow attraction.  I would have liked Frankenstein and Me to focus a little more on its sci-fi underbelly, but I'm quibbling.  This is an engrossing picture.  I think it premiered on the Disney channel, but I haven't come across any hard evidence to back up such a claim.  Random trivia!  This flick features the screen debut of Ryan Gosling.  Oh my God, you guys, he's so cute.

Click HERE to read my review of 2000's Believe.  Same director.  And strangely, same MPAA rating (PG).

I'm starting a band!?

Check this out!

Blood Capsule #361

MASKED MUTILATOR (1994/2019)

If this is the first review of mine that you've read, you should know that I'm a fan of pro-wrestling.  For me, it occupies the same headspace as a ditzy b-movie.  It just so happens that Masked Mutilator combines schlock with the dubious world of rasslin'.  After a musclebound grappler accidentally kills someone in the ring, he goes to work at a group home for troubled teenagers.  Eventually, bodies begin to pile up.  Ah, but who is behind the mask?  I won't lie; there isn't much mystery behind the killer's identity if you've seen your fair share of psycho-thrillers.  That's not as interesting as this film's production history, however.  Most of Masked Mutilator was cobbled together in 1994.  The cast is fractionally comprised of former wrestlers, including Stampede veteran Brick Bronsky (who also serves as the director).  The story is relayed through a bit of podcast business that was shot in 2019.  These are stumbling blocks, but it's nothing that some careful editing can't cope with.

Look, everything makes sense.  At the end of the day, I liked this flick more than I thought I would.  Don't get me wrong.  It's an uneven slasher with wildly inconsistent acting.  It does help if you're into wrestling.  I'm surprised it's so obscure.  I borrowed the DVD from a friend, and neither one of us knew anything about Masked Mutilator before pressing play.  Your mileage may vary, but I certainly don't regret spending time with it.  For what it's worth, we do get even-handed proportions of gore and nudity.  By the way, this capsule is set for one fall.  Recommended for fans of Santo and WCW merchandise.  And Dusty finishes.  Don't forget Dusty finishes.

March will be...

...Random Dinosaur Month!  Some of the films won't be horror-adjacent (I'm bending my rules a little), but they're all dino-powered.  I thought this was going to be my last theme month, buuuuuut an idea organically developed for April.  So I'll announce that at a later date.  Lots of exciting things happening...!

Blood Capsule #360

DRAINIAC! (2000)

I think this is the fourth Brett Piper film that I've seen.  How many do I need to see before I can claim that he is one of my favorite filmmakers?  Because his stuff rocks.  Drainiac! distills the essence of low-budget splatter and nails the vibe that every young spook-enthused auteur should strive to emulate.  To wit, a third of Drainiac's budget (and please excuse my omission of the title's exclamation point...I'm easily frazzled by weird grammar) was spent on 16mm film stock.  That shows a serious commitment to the craft, seeing as how this thing cost $10,000 to make overall.  I dig this flick for a lot of different reasons.  For starters, it's unique.  I haven't seen many other "haunted house" romps about water spirits, and I'm guessing you haven't either.  Let's get a little more specific.  Julie's dad has just invested in a fixer-upper, a truly dilapidated piece of real estate that is home to an elemental.  What is an elemental, you may ask?  According to Wikipedia, it's a "mythic supernatural being" that corresponds with one of the four basic elements.  H2 oh no!

We don't learn anything about this specific ghost, and normally, that would be a problem.  However, Piper counterbalances this murkiness with a heapin' helpin' of practical creature effects.  All in-camera, all awesome, and all created by Piper himself.  Apparently, he's a big fan of liquids.  Drainiac is full of blood, water, and enough slime to stage an episode of Double Dare.  I haven't mentioned the cast, but everyone performs their task with aplomb.  An honorable mention goes out to Alexandra Boylan for...well, I think she's really pretty.  Hey, I never said that I wasn't vain.  The bottom line is that Drainiac is yet another Brett Piper joint that I'd endorse quicker than Donald Trump endorses the color orange.  If you're reading this capsule on my website, this is where I'll link you to my review of Piper's Arachnia.  If you're reading this capsule in my second book, go read my first book.

Recommended to fans of powdered laundry detergent.

2025 Albums I Missed or Forgot About

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Blood Capsule #359

THE ATOMIC SUBMARINE (1959)

I was today years old when I learned that this film served as the inspiration for the aliens on The Simpsons.  Y'know, Kang and Kodos.  I doubt very seriously that The Atomic Submarine inspired anything else, but it entertained me for a meager 72 minutes.  The storyline is strategically placed around stock footage (a lot of stock footage).  Something is disturbing subs near the North pole.  If you're like me, the expression "disturbing subs" brings to mind images of Subway's new sandwich that comes with herb stuffing and cranberry sauce.  Yech.  No, this involves an underwater flying saucer.  I know what you're going to say.  Yes, 1966's Destination Inner Space utilized a similar gimmick.  Whereas that UFO gave us fishmen, this UFO gives us a Cyclopean critter with objectively hot tentacles.  Wait, did I type that out loud?  Moving on.  Our protagonists approach the strange craft in an - you'll never believe this - atomic submarine.  They even board the saucer via a submersible cloyingly called The Lungfish.

And that's the movie.  You can probably see all of it in your head, right down to the model sets (a.k.a. Timmy's bathtub).  Yet I maintain that it's worth seeking out.  Arthur Franz, Dick Foran, and Brett Halsey are agreeable as the main...um, commander scientists.  The pacing is nimble in spite of the fact that we aren't allowed access to an unearthly lifeform until the hour mark.  This is where I'll recommend The Atomic Submarine to fans of 1963's Atragon.  The latter film offers a cool sub, but that's about it.  I realize that I'm talking to maybe three people at this point.  Hey!  Did you know that this flick was a part of the Criterion collection?  Would it surprise you to know that I watched it on VHS?  Because it shouldn't.  It really, really shouldn't.

The Criterion cover.

Blood Capsule #358

DEMON IN THE BOTTLE (1996)

In my capsule for Frankenstein Reborn!, I noted that Charles Band planned to make four Universal-style monster movies.  Turns out, he had a lot of plans.  Demon in the Bottle was the first in a proposed series of lightweight genre nuggets that would premiere on the Disney Channel.  Yes, there exists a Disney/Full Moon production.  I don't think I need to tell you that the deal fell through before any other films could be brokered.  If you're wondering why you have never heard of Demon in the Bottle, it's because it wasn't released on home video in the United States.  It hasn't been given proper exposure on Blu-ray either, despite the fact that boutique labels are constantly restoring hidden gems (as well as hidden not-gems).  So what's the deal with this thing?  I believe I am on Earth to tell you that Demon in the Bottle is an exceptional slice of "gateway horror."  It's up there with The Gate, in my opinion.  The main monster even looks like something out of The Gate, although Bottle utilizes puppets in lieu of stop-motion wizardry.

This is fantasy/adventure material before it's lowercase horror, but obviously, I had to cover it.  Synopsis mode engage!  Russell and Amanda literally stumble upon a chest of wonders that we know is afflicted with a pirate's curse.  Among the jewels within the case is a genie's lamp.  Kinda.  It doesn't grant wishes, but it does unleash a fiend that reminded me of the Ymir from 20 Million Miles to Earth.  When it's not stalking children, it takes the form of a blue tornado (that had to be one of Charles Band's ideas).  I don't know how much money Disney lost on Demon in the Bottle, but the special effects are actually...low-key incredible???  There is an impressive shipwreck in the first five minutes.  You will notice CGI here and there, but I'm not complaining.  Then you have the creature design, which I clearly loved.  Putting technicalities aside, the script is...well-written???  What's going on here?  This movie rocks.  It's a little bit tragic that you won't be able to add it to your collection anytime soon.  Thankfully, I have an "in" on Plex, so don't worry.  At the very least, I can watch it and tell you about it.