Parts Unknown #75: Raw

I know I said that I would skip this week's episode of Raw, but...I lied. Well, I didn't lie per se. I reserve the right to change my mind without notice. What good are rights if you don't exercise them?


~ Brand unification? It's about fucking time, even if it's just for the foreseeable future. The only drawback is the fact that the midcard will get lost in the shuffle. I would advise thinning the herd. Talents such as Zack Ryder, The Uso's, Yoshi Tatsu and Drew McIntyre are imperceptibly mismanaged as it is. Will they survive a seditious stretch of upheaval?

~ The barn-burner between Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler. Skeptics will claim that the United States Champion carried this match, but frankly, The Viper has been on a roll lately. I spent the bulk of 2010 voicing my disdain for Orton's hackneyed gimmick. While his character has remained considerably drab (sporadic freakouts notwithstanding), he has upped the ante where it counts - in the ring. His timing is impeccable. In defiance of a clean loss, Ziggler came out of this bout looking just as strong as his opponent.

~ The Miz and CM Punk worked well together. I don't have anything to add. Sweet powerbomb, Kevin.

~ Air Boom! I dig it. They need more competition, though. And matching tights. They need matching tights.

~ Punk versus Triple H, huh? I'm hearing groans from the IWC (if you're not up on fanboy rigmarole, that stands for "Internet Wrestling Community"), but this surprise announcement doesn't bother me. Punk/Nash was never going to be a slobberknocker for the ages, and besides, what is the point of delaying the inevitable?


~ The main event. I'm sure that it was a decent tag match, but I didn't bother watching it. Lazy filler.

~ Why are The Bella Twins on television? They are not relevant, they are not in contention and most importantly, they are not The Diva's of Doom! I'm not exaggerating when I say that they are the worst female "wrestlers" that I have been exposed to in the last five years. I would rank them below the worm-infested husk of Sensational Sherri.

~ Why are Ziggler and Swagger feuding? They're both heels. The crowd doesn't give a shit.

In other news, R-Truth and John Morrison battled on Superstars. Phooey.

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