Parts Unknown #104: Raw

This episode of Raw aired on September 12th, 1998. The 12th was a Saturday. Apparently, the USA Network tinkered with its schedule thanks to a sporting event of some sort. We are only afforded 90 minutes of action, and all in all, the "script" is light on storytelling. You had to wait until Monday to see most of the main event players. You know what that means, don't you? A desultory smattering of midcard matches! I'm in Henry O. Godwinn heaven! Get it? H.O.G. heaven? roflmaololz

~ Edge and Jeff Jarrett kick things off with a brisk bout. Not much to say about this one, but it does end with a Southern Justice sighting. They will be quarreling with Too Much later.

~ Droz versus a post-Blackjack/pre-Acolyte Bradshaw...interesting. It's a feisty brawl. J.R. recounts the risible angle involving The Road Warriors. Oy. You see, Droz was introduced as the third member of the Legion of Doom to compensate for Hawk's erratic behavior. Unfortunately, said behavior became part of the storyline leading up to a histrionic suicide attempt. I can't remember when, but eventually, the identity of Hawk's dealer was revealed. It was Droz! Holy soap! Fret not; there was a happy ending. Droz is now a paraplegic, while Hawk jobbed to God several years ago. Er, wait a second.

~ Marc Mero squashes Miguel Perez with Jacqueline by his side. The Sable chants are simultaneously whimsical and oppressive. Worst. Diva. Ever.

~ The Disciples of Apocalypse square off against Golga and Kurrgan of The Oddities. Luna and The Insane Clown Posse are at ringside. Jerry Lawler adorns the Cartman doll with his crown. Halfway through the breviloquent (READ: short) match, the top rope snaps. ICP interferes and everything breaks down. Wow. This was in the thick of the Attitude Era, folks.

~ A Rock promo! It was 1998, so he spoke in a low register. He spoke with poise, purpose and oodles of cool. As much as I love modern day Rock, I miss the icy knavery that he dropped at the turn of the new millennium. Good stuff.

~ Too Much take on Southern Justice in an extremely irrelevant tag team encounter. I love it. Mark and Dennis were a proven commodity, so why was SJ given a premature burial? I realize that injuries came into play. Maybe I'm just bothered by the fact that Too Much enjoyed meteoric success as Too Cool.

~ Another tag match? Here we have D'Lo Brown/Mark Henry versus The Headbangers. Chyna causes a disqualification. Absurd.

For the life of me, I cannot locate the last match of the night. Goddamn legal ramifications. It was DX and Kaientai...yeah, I shouldn't want to watch it, but I do. I hate to end this column on an abrupt note, but it's out of my claws. I'll get you for this, Jack Tunney!!!