Cosmopolis

This week's NXT round-up has been rained out.  Apologies have been withheld by the cream of society.

Today has been a bummer.  I woke up to my mom telling me that Chris Cornell, an artistic inspiration to many (myself included), had passed away unexpectedly.  What the fuck?  This whole day has been marked with a murky haze, and then I remember that I have to review 2012's Cosmopolis, the last leg of my Cronenberg relay.  It wouldn't be so bad if this film was approachable.  I think I fucked up by ending with heady, highbrow stuff.  Of course, Croney's entire resume is heady and highbrow, but sheesh!  Crash and Cosmopolis take "aloof" to another level.  If you thought Dead Ringers was cold, this antifreeze will bind hoarfrost to your snow tires.  Or something.

The trailers were deceptive in that they hoodwinked you into believing that Cosmopolis had an actual storyline.  It does have a plot.  All movies have a plot, be they cadaverous or sophisticated.  Here, Eric (Robert Pattinson) has a series of serpentine conversations - with his employees, mainly - in a limousine.  Blammo, monkey puck!  There is your plot.  Please note that this differs from a storyline, as the term "storyline" suggests movement and things happening.  At least Crash disported some level of progression.  Lamentably, both pieces are about low stakes.  I don't have a dog in the fight.  Eric stands to lose a colossal fortune, but guess how many fucks I give.

Cosmopolis is a study, a visual essay.  It covers greed, impersonal relationships, the temporality of sex, the fine points of industrialism and symbolic rats.  What do the rats symbolize?  Goddamn everything.  On the topic of "killer rat" flicks, I recommend 1982's Deadly Eyes.  On the topic of Chris Cornell's solo works, I recommend 1999's Euphoria Morning.  It's gorgeous.  You know how certain celebrity deaths affect you more than others?  Man, this one is jumbling my wires.  He left behind a wife and three children.  I'll never judge him; I just have a tidy sum of questions that I won't be able to answer.  If it bothers me, imagine the consternation of his kids.

I didn't like Cosmopolis.  I don't mind admitting that it might be too smart for me.  It's fucking Cronenberg.  In my world, he's the jock who rides to school on his black motorcycle.  He's beyond badass, but every once in awhile, his pacing is apocryphally strangled and his characters are nondescript.  Look, if ice water is too cold, it can hurt your throat.  Cosmopolis shoved...wow, I stopped myself from diving into an obscene joke.  Has that ever happened before?  It concerned gagging.  Here is a better query.  Do I have anything positive to say in regards to Cosmokramer?  Yeah, the acting is incredible.

Robert Z'Dar says, "The part with the tits was okay."