This review - along with nearly 200 others - can be found in my book. Buy it HERE!
DNA (1996)
When I was 13 years of age, I passed by the box for this flick countless times. I never did rent it. How could I have known that it belonged to a stratum of cheese that I would prize as an adult? Of course, I'm speaking of the mid-level creature feature. Too big to be shot on video, but too small to be pieced together with any rhyme or reason. This stuff is manna from heaven. According to The Bible, manna tasted like honey. Admittedly, Winnie the Pooh would probably pass on DNA, so I think any canonical comparisons end there. The storyline finds a scientist (Mark Dacascos a.k.a. bush-league Brandon Lee) on the wrong end of a bizarre double-cross. An older, madder scientist (Jurgen Prochnow of all people) steals his research on enzymes in a bid to revive the fossilized remains of a mythical creature in the jungles of Borneo. Yes, enzymes. It's all very scientific.
First things first. Our main character is a bit of a dick. At one point, he beheads a perfectly chill anaconda in a show of chivalry. Drop the "tough guy" act, man. That snake was minding its own business. Anyway, DNA is anemic. Scratch that; it's virtually bloodless! That would explain the videotape's pallid complexion. Acts two and three are patterned after Predator. So much so, in fact, that I swear I saw the monster blush. We even get a shot of our intrepid hero diving into boggy waters with his alien assailant following close behind. I don't know why I'm mentioning this, but the sparse CGI isn't nearly as pathetic as you would expect. That didn't keep me from checking my watch on more than one occasion. DNA should be labeled "DNR." Cue the laugh track.
No comments:
Post a Comment