Blood Capsule #384

THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME (1979)

While this isn't much of a "killer robot" flick (although we do see a roving band of diabolical automatons), it's worth mentioning as a "waste of Jack Palance" flick.  You didn't realize that was a subgenre, did you?  Here, he is the de facto despotic leader of Delta 3, a distant planet in something that tries to pass itself off as an H.G. Wells adaptation.  In reality, The Shape of Things to Come has very little in common with its supposed source.  We're knee-deep in the future.  Earth has successfully colonized the moon, but we are dependent upon a radiation drug for survival.  Unfortunately, the drug can only be found on Delta 3.  How are there humans on Delta 3?  No, I'm asking.  The script casually mentions this other planet that seems to be habitable.  I'm thinking too much.  Palance would make for a grand villain, but he only pops up for the first and last fifteen minutes.  The in-between focuses on Starstreak, a rogue spaceship that hasn't been tested.  I feel like I'm hemorrhaging readers.  I don't blame you.

Wrestling is on in the background.  I'm waiting to see the AEW Women's Championship match between Thekla and Thunder Rosa.  Thekla is cool.  She's way more interesting than The Shape of Things to Come.  Let's be honest; I'm in autopilot mode.  Oh, I forgot to mention that this is a Canadian film.  The budget is low, although the sets are quite stately.  The robots?  Mid.  The Shape of Things to Come came out in an era where audiences had acclimated to Star Wars standards.  As such, it feels desperately out of time.  Director George McCowan also helmed Frogs.  NOTE: I'm returning an hour later to tell you that Thekla won the match.  Yay!

Blood Capsule #383

EVOLVER (1995)

Ever heard of Evolver?  I'm guessing not.  I've never heard anyone make a passing reference to this flick, and if it wasn't for a back issue of Fangoria (never let anyone tell you that you can't live in the past), I wouldn't know about it either.  Imagine if you will that one of the killbots from Chopping Mall decided to embark on a solo career.  Now imagine this bot voiced by William H. Macy.  That almost sounds contrived, but I'm telling you, this thing exists.  So what is an Evolver?  It's a virtual reality game in beta mode.  Teenaged Kyle wins a contest and thus, wins the right to test Evolver in his own home.  Essentially, he and his friends play laser tag with an advanced robot that could be called a dummy run for Siri or Alexa.  Any 90's kid will tell you that the period between, say, '92 and '95 was rife with virtual reality mania.  As it relates to horror, it's practically a subgenre all its own.  Evolver starts with that kind of deliciously dated cheese.  I was instantly reminded of 1994's Brainscan, which has long been a favorite of mine.  But then...

...something happened.  Evolver evolved.  The film seriously shaped up and entertained the bejeezus out of me.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Maybe the script used sleight of hand to lubricate the receptors in my brain.  Ethan Embry is likeable as a normal 16-year-old who is so invested in video games, he doesn't notice the obvious signs that a girl is crushing on him.  I was going to say "I've been there," but I was usually the one with the crush.  The pace?  You knew I was going to comment on it.  Everything glides along with a reserved urgency (???).  You're never too far away from a well-earned red herring or a wacky death sequence.  Evolver has a mean streak.  The stakes are high from the very beginning, as the storyline cleverly nudges Kyle's little sister into danger.  There is a capitalistic corporation involved, and I was ready to deal with those tropes, but amazingly, the bigwigs in the film are the first folks to kibosh the project.  They actually react in a realistic way.  Go figure.

I could easily write a few more paragraphs.  I realize that we're not even halfway through Random Robot Month, but this is definitely the hit of the bunch.  5 Z'Dars?  Why not?  By the way, I'm pretty sure that Evolver is on DVD, but you can also watch it on Tubi.  Check it out pronto.

Lunacy, huh?

Click HERE to watch me rant about JCW.  It's not...good.

Blood Capsule #382

TARGET EARTH (1954)

Here we have a film that more people should know about.  See, this is why I do what I do.  I don't know why Target Earth has been condemned to obscurity, but if you'll just hand me that shovel over there, I'll dig it up and praise its peculiarities accordingly.  Our story begins with a woman waking to find that her city of residence (Chicago, if I'm not mistaken) has been evacuated.  Later, we learn that she was never supposed to regain consciousness at all.  She tried to overdose on sleeping pills, which adds dramatic weight to her character.  It's a sidenote, but I thought it was a nice touch on screenwriter James H. Nicholson's part.  Random trivia!  Nicholson later co-founded American International Pictures with Samuel Z. Arkoff.  Okay, I have seriously derailed myself.  It happens.  Anyway, the woman eventually finds a few other folks who were left behind.  Is it the end of the world?  While I wouldn't describe this landscape as post-apocalyptic, it's certainly a grim situation made all the more grim by the presence of...giant robots!

We never find out where they came from, though a levelheaded Richard Denning posits that they most likely arrived from Venus.  It's a full-scale invasion, but we only ever see one robot.  It's a testament to Target Earth that the atmosphere is wrought with unease.  We don't need to see the rest of the world in chaos; we feel it.  Of course, I'm me, so I loved the robot action.  As far as robots go, it's no Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still, but it's charming nonetheless.  With a satisfying climax, everything is wrapped up in a breezy 75 minutes.  Given its early release in relation to other sci-fi blue chippers, I'm surprised that Target Earth doesn't command more respect from the nerd community at large.  As a nerd myself, I remain perplexed.  Definitely check it out.  I usually try to end with a stupid joke.  Nah, just check it out.

Blood Capsule #381

DEADLY FRIEND (1986)

If you're going to call yourself a horror fan, you better watch every Wes Craven film.  Random Robot Month gave me the opportunity to take this one off my list.  I still haven't seen A Vampire in Brooklyn, but um, I have my rudiments covered.  Can we just pretend - for the sake of this capsule - that I've seen every Wes Craven film?  Thanks.  I went into Deadly Friend with zero expectations.  I didn't even know that it was the victim of reshoots, but I would have figured it out.  It's clear that we have a struggle on our hands, an epic joust between a somewhat wholesome sci-fi story and an unambiguous slasher that forces gore into every available open wound.  Ouch.  Paul is a whiz kid who makes robots.  He likes the girl next door, so when she is accidentally killed by her abusive father, his Frankenstein faculties impel him to bring her back from the dead.  Basically, what we have here is I Was a Teenage Bride of Re-Animator.  Kristy Swanson plays the half-undead Samantha well, but it's hard to buy her as a monster threat.

Of course, that could be the point.  That's the problem, dear reader.  Deadly Friend aims too high.  Yet somehow, I was entertained.  There's something cozy about the autumnal vibes here, even if Halloween is merely a backdrop.  I see trick-or-treaters, I smile.  It's that simple.  An honorable mention goes out to Anne Ramsey.  In my head, this movie shares a universe with Throw Momma from the Train.  Elvira's basketball death is patently ridiculous, and I'm here for it.  I might recommend this flick for most of the wrong reasons, although it's easy to understand why Craven felt disenfranchised by the final product.  I think everyone can agree that BB is an objectively delightful robot.  At the very least, I'd rank Deadly Friend above Deadly Blessing.  And A Vampire in Brooklyn?  No?  Fine, not that I need your permission.

Blood Capsule #380

REPTILIAN (1999)

For years, I confused this flick with 1998's Gargantua.  An easy mistake, as both endeavors attempt to piggyback off of the fleeting success of Roland Emmerich's Godzilla.  I have a confession to make; I have a soft spot for 98's 'Zilla.  Can't help it.  I was 13 at the time, and I was on a voracious Godzilla kick.  Toys, movies, comic books...I had to have all of it.  It could be argued that I haven't matured since then.  Case in point, I was bound and determined to end Random Dinosaur Month with Reptilian.  And yes, it counts.  We open on an archeological dig where journalists and scientists alike wax philosophical about the discovery of a giant dino fossil.  Hold that thought.  A fringe paleo-savant has also found prehistoric hieroglyphics that seem to denote extraterrestrial intervention.  Sure enough, we cut to the cosmos and yahtzee!  Wicked-looking aliens (in comparably wicked-looking spaceships) have designs on the colossal skeleton.  One concentrated laser blast later, Yongary Jr. sprouts flesh and stomps his way to Los Angeles.

That's not just a kaiju allusion.  This film is known as Yong(g)ary overseas, though it doesn't appear to be an official remake.  It's a South Korean production with a mainly American cast.  For what it's worth, it's very possible that I'm still a teenager because I really enjoyed this twaddle.  The blocky CGI leaves much to be desired, but eh, I'll allow it.  The third act busts out a second monster, an Anguirus clone named Cycor.  Expectations exceeded?  I think so.  I don't need to tell you that the human characters aren't terribly fascinating.  Reptilian compensates for its lack of profundity with plenty of dumb explosions.  I like dumb explosions.  When you couple the brisk action with a quick pace, you get a fun viewing experience.  By the way, the version I watched (and indeed, it's the only version available) includes story tweaks and fine-tuned special effects that were added two years after Reptilian's release date.  Almost 4 Z'Dars.  Let's not get too crazy.

10 (repost)

I just filed away Blood Capsule #390 (see the Upcoming Review Schedule to the right).  That leaves ten reviews to be written.  And then?  And then.  I will let you guys know when I actually start the process of putting the book together.  That's probably when I'll announce the book-exclusive reviews.  Yes, I'll be writing something special just for the book, and unlike the exclusives in my first book, these will NEVER appear online.  So I still have plenty of work to do.

PS-Buy the first book HERE.

Blood Capsule #379

DENNIS THE MENACE: DINOSAUR HUNTER (1987)

I...have been burned.  It's my own fault.  I bought this movie without doing any research on it.  If I had done my due diligence, I would have discovered that Dennis the Menace: Dinosaur Hunter doesn't contain any dinosaurs.  There are dinosaur bones, and one of the characters is a paleontologist, but that's about it.  So why am I writing this review?  To punish myself, mainly.  I can't believe that I thought Dennis the Menace not only hunted dinosaurs in this thing, but that some studio went out of their way to create dinosaurs for Dennis (y'know, the menace) to hunt.  Victor DiMatteia stars as the troublesome tyke.  He finds a fossil in the front yard, so his father has an old college buddy take a look at it.  The buddy turns out to be a parasite.  Not literally, although that would have been an interesting plot twist.  Eventually, the Menace clan runs afoul of an evil corporation (dear God) who wants to convert their neighborhood into a dino-themed amusement park.

Guess what?  This was a pilot for a potential series.  You don't have to believe me, and I don't blame you if you don't, but it aired on September 11th.  That makes so much sense.  Actually, it's not terrible.  I remember the 1993 version of Dennis the Menace being more cartoonish.  Here, Dennis is a pain, but he doesn't seem worthy of a comic strip.  Mr. Wilson is given a fairly involved subplot.  His wife goes to work at a candy store to pay for their second honeymoon.  It's high drama.  Yeah, I don't have much to offer on Dennis the Menace: Dinosaur Hunter.  Random trivia!?  The little girl who plays Margaret grew up to be a porn star.  I wish I didn't know that.

10

I just filed away Blood Capsule #390 (see the Upcoming Review Schedule to the right).  That leaves ten reviews to be written.  And then?  And then.  I will let you guys know when I actually start the process of putting the book together.  That's probably when I'll announce the book-exclusive reviews.  Yes, I'll be writing something special just for the book, and unlike the exclusives in my first book, these will NEVER appear online.  So I still have plenty of work to do.

PS-Buy the first book HERE.

Blood Capsule #378

THE VALLEY OF GWANGI (1969)

Dinosaurs and...cowboys?  Sure, why not?  Actually, there is a quasi-niche that combines the cosmetic properties of the western with science fiction.  You may remember 2011's Cowboys and Aliens.  This film was originally dreamed up to be the follow-up to 1933's King Kong.  After Willis O'Brien died in 1962, producer Charles Schneer decided to revive the project with Ray Harryhausen handling the stop-motion effects.  I'm a Harryhausen nut (it could be argued that I'm a stop-motion nut in general), so The Valley of Gwangi is pretty close to my wheelhouse.  Is a wheelhouse a regular house on wheels?  Or are we talking about a house full of casters and sprockets of all sizes?  Nevermind.  Gila Golan plays T.J. Breckenridge, a rodeo performer looking to spice up her act.  James Franciscus is Tuck Kirby, a jerk who sexually harasses his way into the behind-the-scenes machinations of T.J.'s stage show.  Of course, he's depicted as a heartthrob.  Whatever, man.  Eventually, they stumble upon a wild Eohippus.  What's an Eohippus?  I might tell you in the next paragraph.

An Eohippus is a pygmy horse that went extinct roughly 50 million years ago.  Apparently, it was discovered in the valley of the "Gwangi," a dinosaur that lacks people skills.  To be more specific, it's an Allosaurus - an "almost T-Rex" - that steals/chews the scenery.  Do I really need to comment on the visuals here?  Obviously, the dino scrapes look outstanding, especially the bit where four or five cowboys attempt to lasso the beast.  We also see a Styracosaurus and an Ornithomimus, if that means anything to you.  The human drama pales in comparison to the sci-fi insanity.  Plot holes threaten to undermine the third act, although I advise against watching The Valley of Gwangi as a script supervisor.  It's just silly fun.  Harryhausen's efforts are worth the price of admission alone, but if you're angling to check out his resume, I'd start elsewhere.  Maybe The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.

Recommended to fans of The Black Scorpion and rodeo-themed bumper stickers that read Buck Around, Find Out.

Blood Capsule #377

PRIMITIVE WAR (2025)

I'm not big on war movies.  Having said that, I like the conceit of tossing dinosaurs into pre-existing templates, the war movie included.  Dog Soldiers succeeded by tossing werewolves into the war movie.  So there is a precedent.  I really wanted to turn my brain off and enjoy Primitive War.  Of course, you can probably tell by that sentence that I ran into some opposition.  First, a synopsis.  The military encounters dinosaurs.  Okey-dokey, now what?  It may sound as though I disapprove of the unpretentious nature of the premise, but that couldn't be further from the truth.  The plot is fine.  Unfortunately, it was an hour into the film before I could identify any of the characters.  We have a mess of troops and Jeremy Piven.  Such random casting.  Even if I learned their names, I couldn't make heads or tails of...well, their heads or tails on account of the dark imagery.  I don't mean thematically; the picture is literally dark, an annoying Hollywood trend that I hereby dub "non-lighting."  It doesn't matter if the action sequences are cool if I can't see them.

As for the dinosaurs, the CGI is clean as expected.  There was never a chance that the special effects department wouldn't hold up their end of the bargain, but with this kind of budget, it's hard to heap praises on anyone for doing their job.  Give Fred Olen Ray millions of dollars.  I'm sure he could turn out a decent monster or two.  I'm not all doom and gloom.  The pace picks up steam after the halfway mark, and at a certain point, I started enjoying myself.  That's bound to happen with a fleet of raptors involved.  We get mild blood, but there are no stand-out bits of gore.  If it weren't for excessive (and quite frankly, pointless) profanity, Primitive War would be rated PG-13.  I don't know, man.  If it's slick dino skirmishes you want, you might as well stick to the Jurassic World circus exhibit.  Maybe this flick just caught me on the wrong day.  I'm gonna go watch something directed by Fred Olen Ray.

{REPOST} April will be...

...Random Robot Month!  I've already written over half of the reviews for it.  It's an eclectic mix as usual.  All robots, all random.  There likely won't be any more theme months as we wind the site down, unless something organically presents itself.  Including the Blood Capsules you haven't read yet, I only have fifteen more to write before beginning work on my second book in earnest.  A little sad, yes, but also exciting!

Blood Capsule #376

PREHYSTERIA! 3 (1995)

If you watch this junk on VHS (and if you have any self-respect, you will), you'll notice that unlike the first two Prehysteria! entries, there is no Videozone featurette after the movie.  No cute "behind the scenes" fluff.  That's by design, dear reader.  By this point, Charles Band had stopped trying with this series.  That's saying something, considering that Prehysteria! 2 saw a precipitous downturn in entertainment value.  3 is still entertaining, but for all the wrong reasons.  Red flag number one?  This flick is directed by David DeCoteau.  Also, the special effects that salvaged the second film are...hold on, let me reach for my thesaurus.  Ahem.  The effects have collapsed.  Withered.  Deteriorated.  Degenerated.  Putrefied.  Worsened.  The tiny dinosaurs barely move, and in some painful instances, they don't move at all.  What's more, the characters react to seeing them as if they are gawking at gerbils.  No one is impressed by the sight of a prehistoric beast trudging about on a golf course.  Yes, a golf course.

Technically, you can put Prehysteria! 3 in the same bracket as The Mighty Ducks or Little Big League.  Ella is a junior golfer.  When she discovers the bite-size dinos, she uses them to turn her dad's failing putt-putt course into a booming business.  Yeah, that's the plot.  The dinos don't really matter.  Fred Willard is the dad, and he essentially plays Fred Willard.  Whitney Anderson gets into the spirit as our lead brat.  She's obsessed with Sean Connery for some reason.  Jesus, Prehysteria! 3 is weird.  The budget must have been miniscule.  Oddly, there are no interior shots of Ella's house, and all of the action takes place at a country club.  The pterosaur - y'know, the flying reptile - is never seen flying.  Oof.  The dinos end up serving hamburgers to golf patrons via the concession stand.  For God's sake, they're called Dino-Burgers.  If I were a dino, I would watch my back.  Um, don't watch Prehysteria! 3.

April will be...

...Random Robot Month!  I've already written over half of the reviews for it.  It's an eclectic mix as usual.  All robots, all random.  There likely won't be any more theme months as we wind the site down, unless something organically presents itself.  Including the Blood Capsules you haven't read yet, I only have fifteen more to write before beginning work on my second book in earnest.  A little sad, yes, but also exciting!

Blood Capsule #375

PREHYSTERIA! 2 (1994)

So the main brat in this film was played by Kevin Connors.  Does that name ring a bell?  It shouldn't.  He was also the brat in Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead.  And aside from a supporting role in Pleasantville, that was the extent of his Hollywood career.  How positively random.  Here, he is Brendan, a spoiled brat who we're supposed to get behind.  Sorry, I couldn't do it.  I knew this was going to be a substandard sequel when it was revealed that Brendan had a bedroom full of expensive toys and games that he didn't play with.  Yeah, he's one of those kids.  He encounters bullies within the first 15 minutes, and you know what?  I was rooting for the bullies.  Jennifer Harte isn't quite as exacerbating as the less fortunate pal, but this is her only screen credit.  EDITOR'S NOTE: I was going to write a joke that involved dinosaurs and sexual assault, but...um, I thought better of it.  Maybe this is the joke.  Pretend these sentences never happened.

The (off-screen) family from the first movie leaves their precious dino-cargo in the hands of their gardener.  Of course, the little beasties are abducted and wind up in the auspices of ol' Brendan.  The dinosaurs are still cute, but I'll level with you.  Prehysteria! 2 is stupid.  The comedy is dumber, the pratfalls are harder to believe (apparently, the dinos are fluent in English), and we don't even get a decent antagonist.  The closest we come to a true villain is a "governess" who acts as a geriatric tyrant.  Blegh.  On the upside, Charles Band's Moonbeam imprint was still able to siphon sweet coin from Paramount, so at the very least, the production values are clean.  All of the special effects remain impressive.  However, the mini-dinos are very nearly relegated to "B" plot status.  You don't put mini-dinos in your "B" plot.  If you're wondering, yes, I'm going to finish the trilogy.  Realistically, I don't know how many more words I can write about these movies, but we'll find out together.

Blood Capsule #374

PREHYSTERIA! (1993)

I know, I know...this isn't a horror film.  Do I really need to explain the b-movie appeal of a Charles Band joint full of pygmy dinosaurs?  Prehysteria! is right up my alley.  As a kid, I was a dino freak, so I don't know how my childhood subsisted without taking in at least one of these things.  I used "pygmy" as a modifier, but truth be told, this is simply a story about miniature dinosaurs that hatch in Jerry's basement.  Haven't we all hatched in Jerry's basement at one point or another?  So Jerry is played by Austin O'Brien.  This was his first major role.  He later starred in Last Action Hero, which I can't believe I haven't seen (love the soundtrack, though).  I'm skittering off-topic.  The miniature dinosaurs!  They're adorable.  We have a class clown Tyrannosaurus Rex, a moody Brachiosaurus, a featureless Stegosaurus (he isn't given much of a personality), a hungry Chasmosaurus (basically, a generic Triceratops), and a flighty pterosaur (pun totally intended).

The special effects are outstanding.  Dino dudes practically jump off the screen through a spiffy combination of stop-motion and rod puppetry.  I realize that I'm focusing on the technical aspects of Prehysteria!, but there is an inviting story being told here.  As can be expected, we see a greasy antagonist get his comeuppance.  Tony Longo is instantly recognizable as a "big lug" type.  He's one of those character actors that pops up in dozens of movies, most of them family-friendly affairs.  Speaking of which, this is something that you can watch with anyone.  I don't review many films that fall into that category, so this was a nice change of pace.  Almost faultless, in fact.  I'm curious to see how the sequels fare.  Famous last words?  Random trivia!  Prehysteria! was the first Moonbeam production.  I'm going to try to collect them all on VHS.  A man should have priorities, shouldn't he?

Don't bury the lede...

So they barely mentioned it on Raw, but my favorite tag team of all time is headed for the WWE Hall of Fame...finally!  Yes, I'm here to remind you that Ax and Smash (and maybe even Crush?) of Demolition will be receiving the honors.  Man, they scared the bejeezus out of me when I was four years old.  Don't believe anyone who tries to sell them as "diet Legion of Doom."  Put some respect on their name!

Blood Capsule #373

SLEEPSTALKER (1995)

Sleepstalker was directed by Turi Meyer.  Apparently, this bloke would go on to helm Candyman: Day of the Dead, one of the most disappointing sequels in horror history.  On principle alone, that should color my opinion of this flick, but I'll approach it with objectivity anyway.  Actually, this is a decent supernatural slasher.  I know I said I was being objective, buuut 1995 happens to be my year of choice when it comes to pop culture nostalgia (I've probably said that elsewhere).  There were no trends to follow in '95, which resulted in a motley grab bag of horrors.  Sleepstalker attempts to turn The Sandman into a steely spook icon.  We start with a prologue.  9-year-old Griffin watches as a serial killer dispatches his parents and scatters sand over their eyelids.  Griffin would be the next victim in line, but police arrive in time to slap handcuffs on the gimmicky baddie.  Fifteen years later, The Sandman is finally on death row.  He must have rented Shocker because he finds a way to stalk Griffin from beyond the grave.

NOTE TO SELF: Revisit Shocker.  At any rate, the script proposes some voodoo malarkey.  We end up with a villain made of sand.  Okay, that's fine.  Without divulging spoilers, there are a few significant plot holes that harshed my mellow.  I'll say that...well, I'll say nothing.  The Sandman himself is a cool villain, although I could do without the typical nursery rhyme dialogue.  The pacing feels reserved.  I didn't realize that Sleepstalker ran for over 100 minutes, but yeah, it's a tad bloated.  Still, it's worth my endorsement.  For the most part, the characters have their wits about them.  Maybe I just enjoy something that was created in a very, very different vacuum.  Let's face it; this film would not fare well in the modern zeitgeist.  Hell, folks weren't particularly fond of it in 1995.  Recommended to fans of Shocker (shocker!) and that one Metallica song that I never need to hear again.

Blood Capsule #372

HORRORVISION (2001)

Remember Feardotcom?  It was stupid, right?  Well, Horrorvision makes Feardotcom look like The Seventh Seal.  God, this movie is terrible.  First of all, I'm only writing one paragraph about this hydraulic press vasectomy (I have no idea how that would work, by the way; I'm feeling my way through this).  Life is too short.  I guess I should get the synopsis out of the way.  Logging onto Horrorvision will zap you into another dimension.  My advice for the characters of this passion play?  Don't log onto Horrorvision.  Problem solved, crisis averted.  Unfortunately, our lead dweeb loses his girlfriend to this...thing.  We do see a cool robot monster in the last ten minutes, but by that point, I was choking on sand.  Oh, the main players drive around the desert for what feels like three hours.  Here is what I don't get.  Horrorvision was co-written by J.R. Bookwalter, a guy who has crafted some magnificent z-grade cheese (I'm particularly fond of 1995's The Sandman).  Maybe he was sick when he contributed to this quandary.

Okay, I'll start a new paragraph to say that Maggie Rose Fleck is a little too talented to be in this motion picture.  She plays the aforementioned girlfriend.  I liked her, but of course, she dies in the first act.  Why couldn't I die in the first act?  Horrorvision gets one Z'Dar.  That's a half-Z'Dar for Maggie and a half-Z'Dar for the robot monster.  Get me out of this review.

Mad Monster Party: The Evidence

This past Saturday, I attended the Mad Monster Party horror convention in Concord, North Carolina with one of my best buddies.  Had a blast.  I might do a YouTube video later on where I go over my haul.  What's that saying?  A fool and his money parted ways?  Yeah, I got a lot of crap.  Here's some pics!  Click to enlarge.

Blood Capsule #371

JOE'S APARTMENT (1996)

The reviews in my first book didn't have an overarching theme.  Likewise, the second book (which is being written, like, right now) doesn't stick to a plan, although I have noticed that a certain subgenre is creeping to the fore.  I guess it's more of an idea than a subgenre, but to what am I referring?  Movies that dance on the periphery of the horror genre.  Joe's Apartment is a comedy first and foremost.  Depending on how you feel about bugs, it could be seen as an outright horror romp.  In the roach arena (dear God, imagine a "roach arena"), I consider 1988's The Nest to be the top dog.  Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't mention one-fifth of Creepshow.  The gross-out death of Upson Pratt is a high-water mark in my household.  This flick doesn't approach those lofty heights, but it's seriously entertaining.  I'm old enough to remember seeing the original short on MTV in between commercial breaks.  Was there enough meat on that bone to stretch Joe's Apartment into a feature?  Intriguing question.

A fresh-faced Jerry O'Connell plays Joe, an indolent slob who has moved out on his own and chanced into a rent-controlled apartment thanks to the timely passing of...some lady.  Seems too good to be true.  In most cases, that would be the fact of the matter.  But in most cases, Joe wouldn't have to worry about a horde of singing, dancing cockroaches.  My synopsis is far too charming.  The premise of Joe's Apartment tosses believability right out the window.  That only becomes problematic toward the end where it feels like you're watching a cartoon.  But wait!  I did say that I was entertained.  This film is an incredible technical achievement.  The special effects combine CGI, stop-motion animation, and yes, live roaches (there is a "roach wrangler" credited; I sincerely hope he was paid well).  While I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of insects, I'm not immune to heebies or jeebies.  You know what?  Forget what I said earlier.  Put Joe's Apartment directly in the horror section.

Random trivia alert!  There is a one-second cameo by Bam Bam Bigelow.  I'm surprised that his involvement wasn't mentioned in his episode of Dark Side of the Ring.