C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud

Yeah, I was going to post this last night. It's a long story. Just read it!

C.H.U.D. is considered to be a cult classic. Why? No, seriously. Riddle me this, Batshit...why is such an arid, drudging sedative considered to be a cult classic? The script is fettered by insipid dialogue, the pace is spleen-pissingly (eh, just roll with it) slow and the titular creatures are absent from the bulk of the picture. It's a crying shame, too. The septic sewer tramps are rad, and the crew had Daniel Stern at their disposal. How did they manage to frivol Daniel Stern away??? It's rumored that C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud was initially conceived to be Return of the Living Dead II. I can definitely see that. This is practically a refurbished reiteration of Return of the Living Dead II. There is even a scene where the zombies dance like Michael Jackson.

Of course, screenwriter Ed Naha asserts that Bud isn't a zombie, nor are the enkindled stiffs that assist our chief chud in marauding a high school on Halloween night. No, they couldn't possibly be zombies. They are revivified hunks of dead tissue. There is a big difference. You can't tell me that this was a zombie movie hewn and whittled into the shape of an in-name-only sequel. Fat chance! Anyway, the plot follows a couple of jocose teenagers who inadvertently misplace a study corpse for tomorrow's science class. They do find a replacement, but as luck would have it, they culled the one carcass at the center of a government-funded experiment. After being electrocuted in a bathtub, the sapromyiophyllous reliquaie (dubbed "Bud") is shocked to life.

I dig Gerrit Graham, and it's obvious that he had a blast playing the role of Bud. He boosts C.H.U.D. II's camp appeal, though his resume has seen better days. He was Beef, for Christ's sake! Perennial goofball Brian Robbins does his job. The cast also subsumes the talents of Robert Vaughn, but this isn't a film you are likely to rent for its ensemble of cultivated thespians. You would probably want messy bloodletting, gratuitous nudity and an amplitude of funhouse horrors. You would be...disappointed. C.H.U.D. II is a lighthearted comedy content to wallow in quotidian mediocrity. That's right; regular mediocrity doesn't begin to describe the trials and tribulations of dear old Bud. This shit is quotidian.

Admittedly, the climax is entertaining. The stakes are raised, and there is a significant tonal shift. The film becomes less daffy, exchanging witless tomfoolery for affecting suspense. I'll give C.H.U.D. II this much; it's never boring. We do get suitable special effects every now and then. Alas, this is a sequel that fails to capitalize on the few high points of the original. Why couldn't someone craft a visceral splatter epic about cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers? In closing, I'm split on C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud. It seems to partition genre fans into love/hate camps, so I'm creating a new camp. Join me, brothers and sisters. Let's take a stand for weak-kneed indecision!