Refucked

Something occurred to me last night while I was watching the remake of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. Well, two things occurred to me. 1) Guy Pearce is bland. He is a functional actor, but aside from his engaging performance in Memento, he has never struck me as remotely indelible. 2) I no longer possess the strength to be a buoyant proponent of remakes. Now, I've always discouraged the idea of regurgitating past successes. I prefer original content, but I could usually be swayed to give a remake the benefit of the doubt. "Hey, we haven't seen it yet. Maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised." Fuck that. I'm done.

2010's Don't Be Afraid of the Dark wasn't too shabby. In fact, it was outright decent. I'm just fucking sick of seeing every horror title under the sun go through The Dumb Down Machine. This sentiment is nothing new. Die-hards have been fed up with this shit for years, but I try to maintain a high threshold for repugnance. I...I can't do it anymore. If it exists, it simply must be diluted and modernized for the lowest common denominator. I mean, Maniac Cop? Give me one goddamn reason why Maniac Cop should be remade. Before you avow your deference to John Carpenter's The Thing and David Cronenberg's The Fly, let me remind you that the 80's cannot be compared to any other decade.

The ratio of remakes to fresh, innovative films was lopsided in favor of the latter category. A remake here and there is no big deal, especially if it's helmed by a true maverick. Murgatroyd mackerel, did this rant have a point? Fuck if I know. This was meant as a mere cry of dismay. I'm not suggesting that we blackball all remakes. Actually, that's not a bad idea. Can't we at least entertain the thought of imposing a moratorium on this daft balderdash? Balderdash is a kickass board game.