Unmasked Part 25

Bear with me.  I've been told that I'm an exceptional writer, and I appreciate the accolades, but I maintain that my chops are pedestrian at best.  Why?  I have a hard time articulating my thoughts on films that I dislike.  Now, it's easy to rant about shit that I fucking hate.  Preparing edicts of enmity has never been a dicey, precarious enterprise.  I'm tripped up by vague ambivalence.  I'll give you an example.  I didn't care for Unmasked Part 25 because...blegh.  See what I mean?  It's just there.  I didn't enjoy it, and I wanted to immolate the cast forthwith.  Throughout the course of this review, I'll try to elucidate my disdain.  Maybe I'll learn something.  Hey, maybe you'll learn something.  This could be a changing day in your life (that was meant to be read aloud by Dr. Phil).

Released in 1989, Unmasked Part 25 is not a sequel.  Duh.  It's a slasher parody, although it doesn't have much in common with Student Bodies or Saturday the 14th.  Director Anders Palm doesn't commit to barmy, outrageous gags.  Instead, he weaves in and out of incommensurate genres.  The script touches on blue humor, stratospheric splatter and cumbrous introspection.  It wants to be a funny drama with loads of sex and gore.  As you might have guessed, I didn't find Unmasked Part 25 to be particularly comical.  And I rolled my eyes when it attempted to be "deep."  Look, I get it.  The film is a comment on our habitual behavior and mankind's impulse to damn itself to redundancy.  Big deal.

I'll give credit where credit is due.  The plot anticipates the self-referential musings of Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon.  A masked slasher by the name of Jackson is growing weary of mincing morons, but he doesn't know how to do anything else.  He is far too diffident to interact with the public at large without his hockey mask (yes, his hockey mask).  His face is deformed, you understand.  However, a chance meeting with an enticing blind girl may reverse his misfortune.  It's a solid premise in theory.  If only there were intriguing characters or smooth transitions between acts.  "Okay, the first 30 minutes will be a typical horror flick, and then blammo!  You've got a romantic comedy on your hands!"

Unmasked Part 25 is a rare VHS collectible.  More than likely, it's going to stay that way.  I won't claim that it's entirely without merit.  The death sequences are fun.  Plus, I grinned at a few lines, but honestly, I couldn't wait for this facetious pasquinade to expire.  It was almost painful.  I'd rather watch Leonard Part 6.  It's worth noting that this is a British production.  I haven't developed a taste for pure British satire, so that could explain some of my dissatisfaction.  As it stands, I cannot and will not recommend Unmasked Part 25.  But I doubt that I'll ever part with my copy.  Man, I have serious issues.