Wrestlemania 34 Part I

First of all, NXT Takeover: New Orleans was flippin' awesome.  The entire card.  I wanted to get that out of the way before attempting to break down Wrestlemania (yes, I waited until I digested Raw).  Now, where is my silverware?

1) Rollins/Miz/Balor For The Intercontinental Championship ~ A logical choice to open the main show, as it bristled with pluck and vivacity.  In other words, it was energetic.  I have a feeling that were it not for the arrival of Monroe Sky Mizanin, The Miz would have retained and broken Pedro Morales's record for most combined days as IC champ.

2) Charlotte/Asuka For The Smackdown Women's Championship ~ I have given it thought, and I believe that this was the best match of the night.  Should it have been longer?  Yeah.  However, all that these two ladies could do was maximize the minutes in front of them.  They did.  Everything was clean and I can't remember any wasted motion.  Asuka is a polished veteran, while Charlotte's progress from where she was just five years ago is nothing short of remarkable.  Hopefully, this wasn't the last tussle between The Queen and The Empress.  They have SERIOUS chemistry.

3) Jinder/Randy/Bobby/Rusev For The United States Championship ~ There are a few matches here that I had zero investment in tailgating on the road to Wrasslemania.  I'm afraid that this is one of them.  Also, I'm not convinced that the winner wasn't chosen with a dart.  Orton?  I haven't cared about him since 2010.  Roode is fine, but he should never have lost the title.  Rusev has "Rusev Day."  Big deal.  I give this bland bout a Meltzer rating of piss out of shit.

4) Angle and Rousey/Triple H and Stephanie ~ This was way more fun than I was expecting.  That's, in part, due to all of the parties playing their roles to a T.  Say what you will about Trips and Steph, but they know how to be heels.  Plus, it's obvious that Ronda is committed to the craft.  I can't wait to see who she faces at next year's Mania.  How scorching hot did she look in that skirt?

5) The Bludgeon Brothers/The Usos/The New Day For The Smackdown Tag Team Championships ~ God, that's a lot of words.  Invariably, one (or two) of the title matches was going to be pared down, but I'm fine with it.  This fracas didn't need to stretch beyond five minutes.  The Bludgeon Brothers should have been booked this way in their days as Wyatt bondservants.  Better late than never?

6) The Undertaker/John Cena ~ I was against the "build-up" of this match from the jump.  Yeah, I know they'll eventually have to sell a major PPV without either icon, but I don't care.  John Cena cutting promos all by his lonesome for four straight weeks makes for shitty television, even if they were solid promos.  And yet, the match itself put a dense, doltish smile on my face.  It was essentially a classic Superstars showcase from 1992 where 'Taker squashed Cena.  How can I be peeved at that?  I sincerely hope that it was The Phenom's coda.  As a (huge) fan, I want closure.

Hmm, closure.  I'm going to hold off on giving you closure.  It struck me that Smackdown is tonight and the next match on the WM card involves a certain Goat Man.  I'll finish this tomorrow, yo.