CHILDREN OF THE CORN: REVELATION (2001)
See the dead expression in their eyes. Sense the lifeless oscitancy emanating from their pale faces. You know it's true. You know they have seen Children of the Corn: Revelation. The horror! Our youths have been--okay, enough stagecraft. In all seriousness, this flick has about as much energy as those two bantamweights. How much does a bantamweight weigh? Fuck it. I don't care. Revelation finds a woman visiting a tottering, condemned apartment complex in search of her grandmother. Needless to say, she discovers a secret and a town curse. I wonder if I could mount a scythe to the tip of my typing wand and eviscerate myself. Just fucking gut away at...
Oh, sorry. The film isn't particularly engaging, as you might imagine. I can barely recall the details of what happened, and I watched it only hours ago. It's stunningly bland. Even the color palette seems bored, offering a purview of suntan and spinach-olive. I could vomit right now and produce something more visually appealing. The lead actress is fine. She's in front of the camera. I got nothin' else, gang. Nothin'!
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