Under Wraps

This was the perfect refreshment to peck at during my one-movie excursion away from Kids of the Maize (nyuk, nyuk).  If you're a fan of New Japan Pro-Wrestling, you know how appropriate my usage of "excursion" is, and hopefully, you have inferred that watching the Corn series is analogous to attending a brutal dojo.  I'm a young lion!  Right, so now that I've alienated at least 64% of you, let us continue.  1997's Under Wraps was the first Disney Channel original to premiere on the network.  I was thirteen years of age, but we didn't get The Disney Channel.  My gratification with this flick has nothing to do with nostalgia.

Under Wraps presents a certain purity.  It's an innocence I can support, though the plot does become a wee bit too saponaceous in the third act.  Oh, sorry.  It becomes too soapy.  I tend to forget how heavy these university words can be and I drop them all over the place.  Did I clomp your toe?  I do apologize for being so goddamn erudite.  My brain is so big, my crotch is jealous.  Speaking of my penis, this is a fun family movie.  The lead tweens - those pictured above - unintentionally break into their neighborhood's creepy house (every development has one...I guess?).  Of course, they find an open sarcophagus.  They also stumble upon the mummy that once dwelled within!  Exclamation point!

This is an opportune spot to mention the fact that the version I viewed seems to be bereaved of a few minutes.  Why?  I don't know, Cap'n.  The running times don't correspond, and unless my eyes were ossified, key scenes are missing.  I can't fault the film itself.  Express story details remain unaccounted for, and yes, that's a hindrance.  However, Under Wraps manages to entertain.  The pace is vigorous.  Many jokes fall flat, but even the meager attempts at humor possess a modicum of charm.  That purity I talked about earlier?  Yeah, that stuff.  Gets all over your clothes.

I dug the mummy.  Harold (as he is named by our protagonists) is played by Bill Fagerbakke.  You may know him as Dauber from Coach.  He was the dumb dude.  Here, he makes noises that pass for "mummy speak."  Actually, he delivers a strong performance and his make-up is gnarly.  I understand that my rating doesn't scream enthusiasm, but it feels right for Under Wraps.  It's a simple watch, and to be honest, I don't have a laundry list of nitpicks to add.  I already said that the ending is a drippy mess.  Just take my recommendation without second-guessing me.  That's my advice.  To take my advice.  I can do that.