BLUE MONKEY (1987)
I was all set to write at least four paragraphs on this film. That's right, folks. I was going to put actual effort into this (forced) labor of love. But then I realized what I was writing. The awkwardly-titled Blue Monkey didn't give me a superfluity of material to work with. For those curious, the title comes from a throwaway line delivered by a child actor who should have been thrown away at birth. Egads, I need to reel myself in a bit. Get this; the working title was Green Monkey, but that was scrapped to avoid confusion. Ha! Oh, the plot. I'm getting ahead of myself. A hospital is besieged by an economy-size insect that looks like a cross between a praying mantis and a postmortem Ellen DeGeneres.
I don't know why I'm being particularly brutal, but let's face it. If any creature feature deserved a tepid, unenthusiastic review, it's this one. It's almost as if director William Fruet was aiming for mediocrity, what with the largely apathetic death sequences and the sapless finale. We do get a gratuitous decapitation. That's...something. If I'm being honest, the overgrown snippersnapper doesn't do much of anything, aside from occupy corridors and lay eggs. So basically, Blue Monkey is about your mother. Woah, sorry. I'm just punching at the air now. I should stop before someone - namely me - gets hurt. Robert Z'Dar says, "Thank God my face wasn't used for this damp squib."
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