MERIDIAN (1990)
I had to make a half-Z'Dar rating icon specifically for this review. I never thought I would actually have to use it, as I can find something positive to say about most lemons I encounter. But this...this broke me. Charles Band should be ashamed of himself for directing Meridian, a feelbad, low-class "horror fantasy" that wastes a creature suit originally drafted for Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Sherilyn Fenn stars as a broad abroad in Italy. She inherited a castle, so naturally, she decides to immediately invite an entire troupe of strange carnival performers. That's when Meridian decides to immediately become an abhorrent rape/revenge flick, only without the revenge. Because when Catherine is drugged and violated by a mad magician (in slow-motion, for Christ's sake), she falls for his twin brother. That's when I decided to immediately chuck my copy of Meridian into the garbage disposal.
This film bears the markings of any other Full Moon production, including a chimerical dwarf (played by Phil Fondacaro) and an equally chimerical score by Pino Dinaggio. It's missing a key element, though - fun. There isn't a single ounce of fun to be had, especially if you nod off here and there. EDITOR'S NOTE: I may have nodded off here and there. The pacing is listless, the dialogue is routinely ridiculous, and oh yeah, I don't want rape in my Full Moon movies! Am I overreacting? It would be one thing if I went in expecting grindhouse sleaze, but I wasn't exactly in the mood for Ms. 45. Buyer beware.
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