Matches That Time Forgot #49

The Yeti has become one of wrestling's greatest jokes.  The Dungeon of Doom was goofy enough without adding an icebound mummy to their ranks, but Eric Bischoff was determined to hit rock bottom.  I won't dwell on the subject.  Others have scribbled at length about the cross-eyed fatuity of 1995's Halloween Havoc.  I wanted to take a look at the behemoth behind the bandages.  His name was Ron Reis, and WCW impeded him with a melange of batty gimmicks.  Perhaps the most straightforward persona wound up being the worst.  In 1998, Reis was simply known as Reese, the towering, yet sensibly dressed (dig those casual threads) enforcer of Raven's Flock.

Here, he battles Juventud Guerrera.  I'll level with you.  I have no earthly clue what the story was leading up to this match.  The fight itself is prefaced by a hypnagogic, avant-garde vignette that finds Juvie flittering aimlessly in a matted field.  As you would expect, this is hyped as a David/Goliath encounter, but despite faint crowd noise, it doesn't feel very grandiose.  Reese shoves the unsung cruiserweight into the ring posts a few times before applying the inevitable bearhug.  This match proves that The Big Show is an incredible athlete.  How?  Yeti Man moves like a laggard cooter.  Imagine, if you will, Honey Boo Boo's tree trunk of a mother jumping hurdles with broken femurs.  On second thought, don't.

Van Hammer makes the save (???) and Tony Schiavone acts as if Juvie has just won the Little League World Series.  FACTOID: Giant Gonzalez was the first choice to portray The Yeti.  God, that would have been brilliant.