First of all, that's not my picture.  I found it on Facebook, but it's from the show that I attended.  Most of my pictures came out shitty except for one, and it's at the bottom of this post.  So that kind of sucked.  HOWEVER!  It was a badass concert.  I had a good fucking time, and all of the bands were in fine form.  Let's go in chronological order...

-- We left early so that there would be ample time for a sinewy powerhouse meal.  I had a hamburger stacked with onion rings.  It was so goddamn manly, it added weight to my dick.  And my dick was already fucking enormous.  All of those stricken with arthrogryposis multiplex congenita (the rare condition I have) are blessed and bedecked with bulbous boners at birth.  That's not true.  Yes, it is.

-- The opening band?  Newcomers Black Crown Initiate.  I heard that they bought their way onto the tour, which wouldn't surprise me.  Their only release is a four-track extended player.  I would describe them as a progressive "djent" unit.  Imagine Opeth transfused with Meshuggah.  Trust me; it's not as epic as it sounds, but I did enjoy their set.  They have a freighter load of potential.

-- Next up?  Motherfucking Inquisition.  If you're not savvy to this grim-as-cunt two-piece black metal dreadnought, I pity you.  I've been getting into them quite heavily for a couple of years now, so I was stoked to see them on the bill.  On my way into the venue, I passed vocalist/guitarist Dagon and we exchanged pleasantries.  For two Colombian dudes (the band was founded in South America, although they are currently stationed in Seattle), they emit imposing, stentorian vibrations.  They don't need a bass guitar to rankle your solar plexus.  Personally, they left my tummy in a tizzy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you're curious about their brand of riff-driven black metal, I recommend checking out "Darkness Flows Through Unseen Horizons" and "Command of the Dark Crown."  Admittedly, the frog vocals are an acquired taste, but I dig that shit.

-- 1349?  It's a number.  It's also the next band in the batter's box.  Prior to the evening's entertainment, I had heard a modest spattering of their music, but I had no real opinion of them.  1349 simply existed.  After the evening's entertainment, I consider myself to be a fan.  They aren't reinventing the pentagram, but their jams are so caustic, it's hard not to be stimulated.  I plan on buying Hellfire, which seems to be their magnum opus.  On a sidenote, frontman Ravn has serious stage presence.

-- The penultimate ass kickers?  Goatwhore, a favorite Cajun cuisine of mine.  This was my second time seeing them live, and they did not disappoint.  Fuck, I love Goatwhore.  Before the festivities kicked into high gear, I promised myself that I would go easy on the headbanging.  I really didn't want my neck to be in the throes of discomfort the following morning.  Well, that token of circumspection went out the fucking window mere seconds into "The All-Destroying."  That was the opener, and what a fine opener it was!  Luckily, we were treated to a cut off of the forthcoming Goatwhore release (!).  I am happy to report that it's a proper scorcher.

-- And your main event?  Behemoth!  They put on a killer piece of extreme metal theater.  Nergal locked eyes with me and actually smiled.  He threw me a SWEET pick.  The whole thing was awesome.  The lighting, the sound, the costumes...you name it, it was awesome.  I do declare, the material from The Satanist is ferocious in a live setting.  Oy, I'm tired of maundering.  Better wrap this up.  Here is Inferno's godly kit.

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