Parts Unknown #107: Raw

I have a lot to talk about. It's a little overwhelming, but we'll get through this together.

PROS

~ I had a feeling that the entire DX gang would be in attendance (well, minus Rude and Chyna), but even without the element of surprise, I enjoyed the shit out of the opening segment. And while I've never been a huge Trips fan, it was cool to see him slip into "old school" mode, albeit ephemerally. Vince! Bring back The New Age Outlaws on a weekly basis. They are still capable of carrying the tag team division. Plus, I hear that a couple of contracts in Dudleyville will be expiring soon. Make it motherfucking happen!

~ Mae Young's son. Hysterical.

~ The wedding...first of all, Reverend Slick stole the ceremony. Secondly, I loved the twist ending. Maybe it's because I want to fuck a brand new hole into A.J., but I'm looking forward to seeing how her character uses and/or abuses her preponderant authority. With anyone else as the general manager, the next several episodes of Raw would be passably predictable. At least with "the crazy chick" behind the steering wheel, the roster (not to mention the audience) will be kept on its toes.

~ I'm listing this as a pro, but in all honesty, it's somewhere between a pro and a con. I groaned when The Rock announced his title match at Royal Rumble. Shouldn't he have to earn a shot at such a prestigious championship? Contrarily, I'm excited by the prospect of The Great One making in-ring appearances outside of The Road to Wrestlemania.

~ I'm okay with The Miz winning the Intercontinental strap. A show this epic needed a title change. Bret Hart's "introduction" was priceless.

~ Up until now, I haven't given a single fuckdamn about the Brock/Hunter feud. But I must admit, last night's exchange cranked up the intensity to a calescent crest. Stephanie kicked almighty ass! I was worried that she might be rusty on the mic, but she fucking nailed it. Well done, lady and gentlemen.

~ Heath Slater's climactic beatdown put a voluminous (yes, voluminous) grin on my face. A stacked, smoking hot Lita executed a pitch-perfect moonsault to the pleasure of my pelvic region. The A.P.A.? Too gnarly for words. Fun stuff all around.

~ Sean Mooney??? Holy shit!

~ Is it necessary for me to relay my reaction to the apocalyptic return of The Brothers of Destruction? To say that I marked out would be an understatement. I doubt that I'll ever get the semen out of my carpet.

~ It depends on what happens next week, but for the time being, I dug CM Punk's apparent heel turn (the Mike Patton crab stance was sweet). Also, I appreciated the decision to leave the belt off of John Cena. Can you imagine the promo wars that Punk and Rocky will incite?

CONS

~ The 6-man tag. 'Twas useless. Are you telling me that they couldn't cogitate a better way to utilize Dolph Ziggler, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio?

~ Charlie Sheen. Go away.

~ No Uso's?

As you can surmise, I was content with the bulk of the 1,000th episode of Raw. The trick is to stretch this momentum out over the span of several months. Can it be done? God, I hope so.