The X Files

A couple of years ago, I binged all 218 episodes of The X-Files.  Well, that's only partially true.  I binged all of the "monster of the week" episodes and skipped out on the tracts of sci-fi melodrama culled from the show's mythological story arc.  No offense, Mulder.  I do want you to find your sister, but in the meantime, I'd much rather watch The Flukeman dragoon New Jersey's sewer system.  Today, I consider The X-Files to be one of my favorite television programs (programs...lol).  You'd think that I would have an opinion on the two times that everyone's favorite paranormal investigators went from the small screen to the silver screen.  You'd think.  Somehow, both films eluded yours truly.

I am halfway to rectifying this egregious offense.  Last night, I took in 1998's The X Files.  Note the absence of a hyphen in the title.  It bugs me.  Apparently, writer (and showrunner) Chris Carter was bugged and crunched by the studio to reticulate his movie around the storylines of the upcoming slate of X-tracurricular serials.  His initial idea was to end the TV show at five seasons.  Any further Mulder/Scully action (hey now) would play out in a feature-length format.  But nope!  The X-Files was too damn profitable to prematurely rescind.  This flick would have to act as a bridge between seasons.  Of course, it would also have to stand on its own merits.  A tall order; did it succeed?

X-tracurricular serials...the fuck?  Man, it's a good thing that I'm unbelievably sexy.  I can't write worth a shit.  The "X Files" division has been closed.  Mulder and Scully are assigned to a bourgeois, button-down bomb threat (yawn), but the ticker is a bit of a MacGuffin.  The kaboom points us in the direction of a potentially lethal virus.  Who is behind the virus?  Say it with me now ~ aliens!  The X Files is one of the most suspenseful films I've seen in recent years.  Plaudits are in order, as this shouldn't be such a tense watch.  I know how the characters wind up.  Hell, I know that they fuck in approximately twenty years, but that didn't stop me from bolting my hands to the edge of my seat.  Metaphorically.

The script is ingenious in the way it toys with viewer empathy.  It's a rollercoaster, if you'll pardon the putrid platitude.  There is a concourse of plot threads, but at its core, The X Files is fairly simple if you have a base understanding of the series.  It helps if you're familiar with Mulder and Scully.  David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are note-perfect.  By this point, they were more than comfortable in their roles, wearing them like plum, cushy pairs of shoes.  If this picture were to be found lacking or went on the blink, it wouldn't be their fault.

It would be too easy to give The X Files a bag of Z'Dars and call it a day.  I may be a fanboy, but I try to see everything behind eyes of purposeful elucidation.  A couple of scenes reek of Hollywood.  Mulder trucking through Antarctica to save a pickled, infected Scully (in a jar, no less)?  Was Carter on speed when he wrote that crockery?  The X-Files was always at its best when it was localized to modest destinations.  A traveling carnival with a Siamese twin up its sleeve, a small town harboring a cryptid, a school providing refuge for a ritualistic cult...that's the stuff.  Still, Fight the Future, as its mistakenly subtitled, is a banner blowout.  Will I ever stream the 2008 follow-up?  Sure.  In fact, I'm positive.