Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge

I've been eyeballing Arrow's Blu-ray release of Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge for what seems like an eternity.  I could have bought it at Barnes & Noble, but I refuse to pay upwards of $40 for z-grade entertainment.  Granted, some cult classics are priceless (I'm looking at you, Spookies), but $40?  For a pitiable slasher that was shot in the same shopping mall as Chopping Mall?  Hmm, you may be onto something.  Okay, so this flick is low-key incredible, but I stand by my parsimony.  If I'm a miser, so be it.  I eventually found Eric's Revenge for a more reasonable price.  Who's laughing now?  The fine folks at Arrow, most likely.

This is one of the last VHS staples that I had yet to mark off my docket.  I've always been aware of the title, but I was never curious enough to give it a whirl.  The plot is rudimentary.  You see, evil land developers (!) want to utilize a strip of property to construct a new shopping mall.  Regrettably, Eric's house is in the way, so because it's 1989, the comfy domicile is fucking burned down.  Was Eric killed in the fire?  Will the police catch the mystery arsonist?  Is that Pauly Shore???  Yes, the future MTV video jockey appears in a supporting role as an ice cream vendor.  He's...actually not bad.

The cast is chock-full of familiar faces and character actors that you've definitely seen before, even if you don't know where.  A personal favorite is Gregory Scott Cummins who plays a sweaty heavy on mall security.  Horror freaks will recognize him as Tommy from 1988's Hack-O-Lantern, and I also know him as Mac's dad on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  I like to think they are canon.  How's that for a cinematic universe?  The pace is breezy.  Between bloody death sequences and Coscarelli-esque stunt explosions, you won't get a chance to become bored.

Not that I'm counting, but director Richard Friedman throws in no less than six boobs.  Kudos.  It's clear that this motion picture didn't give me much to pick apart.  I will say that the overarching storyline was a little hard to swallow.  Did authorities simply brush aside circumstantial evidence?  How do these people not know that Eric is alive?  And Melody...this c*nt!  Sorry, but she's a c*nt.  I don't know if I should apologize for using that word or for censoring myself.  I can't win either way.  I blame Melody for ditching her deformed ex-lover as soon as humanly possible.

In summation, Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge is on par with that same year's Phantom of the Opera redux with Robert Englund as the titular bogey.  I suggest renting both.  I realize that recommendation came out of nowhere, but it's relevant.  Of course, if you haven't seen the silent 1925 original, then you have no business being in my establishment to begin with.  The nerve!