I came THIS CLOSE (insert hand gesture here) to not reviewing this movie at all. It doesn't deserve the exposure, but someone out there might see the title and expect, oh, I don't know, legitimate entertainment. I can't let that happen. There is so little information on Dark Carnival available, that I'm actually finding more information on the WCW stable of the same name. This unsound no-budgeter wishes it could be associated with the likes of Vampiro and Violent J, as opposed to...dear God, who are these people? Director Eric Worthington ditched the industry after funneling resources into this washout (resources that could have gone to anything else), having absconded with about as much pride as - nevermind, I shouldn't make this personal.
On second thought, I'm taking it personally. Dark Carnival is miserable. The plot follows a group of friends who decide to celebrate Halloween by staging a haunted house attraction. They spook patrons for all of ten minutes before claiming that the house itself is evil. What are they basing this on? No, I'm asking. And who is their target demographic? They construct tableaus that range in ripeness from a hokey mad scientist's laboratory (bolt-necked monster included) to a Satanic castration ritual. Yeah, that's sure to scare the kids in attendance (???). The acting is dreadful, the "characters" are morons, and of course, the production values are grotty. Hey, I can put up with cheap sets if you have something else to offer. This is basically 1991's HauntedWeen, only without the charm.
Do not, under any circumstances, watch Dark Carnival.
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