Have I gone back on my word? Is this a review of a WWE product? Well, kinda-sorta. The 2012 Annual WWE Shareholders Meeting was posted online earlier yesterday, so I watched it to glean a better understanding of where this company is heading. Fret not, dearhearts; the next edition of Parts Unknown will return to familiar territory (I'm eyeballing a vintage episode of Raw). This is merely an experiment, a pragmatic undertaking intended to mix things up.
A pro/con format doesn't seem apropos. Besides, I didn't spot many pros. Pull up a chair and gird your bullshit sensor for the Q&A session. It's clob...er, meetin' time!
~ I have to get this off my chest. The eremitic virgins audacious enough to raise their hands had me in stitches. What message boards do these smarks hail from? I expected one of them to implore, "Mr. McMahon, I was wondering what prompted Mabel's heel turn leading up to 1995's King of the Ring tournament. Also, is it true that Waylon Mercy's vignettes were filmed by an actual earthworm?" I cracked wise at their expense until I realized that I, too, was a scurvy geek. God, I'm so lonely.
~ Boy, Vince loves money, doesn't he? I cringed upon hearing his response to a reasonable suggestion. The suggestion? Lower PPV prices. The response? No. In fact, he intimated that making events such as Survivor Series and Royal Rumble more affordable would indicate weakness. Vince also scoffed at the proposal to air Wrestlemania on television (for free, of course). It's not a bad idea, in my opinion. After all, Wrestlemania is the Super Bowl of wrestling. When was the last time you paid to watch the Super Bowl? The ad revenue would be staggering, but since PPV's rake in slightly bigger bucks, it won't be happening anytime soon. To me, a free Wrestlemania on national television would go a long way in streamlining sports entertainment. But what do I know?
~ Sit down. No, trust me; this is earth-shattering news. You need to be sitting down. The WWE is concentrating on bolstering its film division! Their upcoming batch of motion pictures will appeal to a wider range of moviegoers. That's not all. Get this...they plan on partnering up with other studios to bankroll sequels and remakes! Maybe I can finally pitch my treatment for Ghost in the Machine 2. You see, it doubles as a Max Moon biopic. I'm hoping that Hunico will headline an all-star cast that includes the usuals (y'know, Yahoo Serious, Randy Orton, Kevin Nealon, Gene Wilder, Wanda Sykes, Anna Chlumsky, Nikki Bella, etc.).
~ The suits did their best to assure shareholders that the future looks bright. The WWE Network is still without a launch date.
~ WWE's stock price has dipped in the past year. However, Vince quashed any lingering doubt by delineating that those numbers are isolated hiccups. He was very clear when he stated that the stock price was on the verge of pole vaulting through the stratosphere. Don't worry. What more do you want, shareholders? A reason to believe him?
I would have asked him to yell, "1, 2 AND!"