Vanity Scare #4

GIRLS AND CORPSES (Volume 6 Spring, 2012)

This edition of Vanity Scare requires a preamble. If you make a habit out of perusing horror sites, you've probably seen ads for Girls and Corpses magazine. A nifty title, a cool logo, eye-catching imagery...I had always assumed that it would be up my alley, but up until now, I had never read an issue. Luckily, editor-in-chief R.S. Rhine had a booth at the Mad Monster Party convention, so I was able to procure a copy. What can you expect from this formaldehyde-sodden rag? Above all else, it's a humor tome that touches on grave issues. I like to think of it as a piebald amalgamation of Mad, Maxim and Rue Morgue. Basically, you get jokes, hot chicks and horror-centric journalism (articles, reviews, etc.).

Slap on a pair of goggles as I perform an autopsy on this stiff carcass.

- Right off the bat, I was impressed by the polished graphics and the smooth layout. It costs a lot of money to mass-produce a thick color magazine, so I tip my scalp to Rhine (a.k.a. Corpsy) for knowing how to allocate his resources with the utmost efficiency.

- Neckromagickal (intriguing sobriquet) offers up an engaging editorial on the circumstances surrounding the death of Edgar Allan Poe. To this day, no one knows the cause of his expiration date. Some claim that the remains in his casket don't even belong to him! Go figure. An eloquent, enlightening read.

- Weyline Coyote Wegner's interview with "death rapper" Necro is amusing, to say the least. I'm of the mind that Necro is an assclown (I listened to his stuff years ago, and suffice to say, I wasn't exactly bowled over with orgiastic consternation), but he does give an entertaining interview. I can't believe that he actually credits himself as the pioneer of anything.

- Night of the Living Dead 3D stars Andrew Divoff and Jeffrey Combs? Fuck, I might have to watch it.

- Hot chicks. There are plenty of them. Did I mention that there are plenty of hot chicks?

- I really enjoyed Corpsy's conversation with a real-life mortician. The job is just as grody and stomach-churning as you would imagine. Naturally, the interview subject is yet another hot chick. Hey, I'm not complaining.

- There is a Zombie Research Society? Where do I sign up?

- It's fun to use Charles Band as the genre's whipping boy, but I must admit, I'm looking forward to The Dead Want Women (the next Full Moon venture). It's shaping up to be a righteous take on the undead. Speaking of which, I'd love to see G&C explore the sweeping breadth of horror films. Zombie flicks aren't the only fright features that comment on the finality of mortality, though I understand that Romero-style brain-munchers are "in."

I rest my case, your honor. If Girls and Corpses sounds like your kind of 'zine, click HERE to order an issue or five. No, I wasn't "persuaded" to write a positive review. However, I can be bought. Mr. Rhine, set me up with one of the babes on the cover, and I'll oblige you with an endless supply of free publicity.