The Undertaker: The Streak

So this is a review of the new Undertaker DVD. The image is unrelated. It's simply preferable to the alternative (all you're missing is 'Taker's logo against a black background...big fucking deal). By the way, someone needs to send me a box of old WWF and/or WCW comic books. Go ahead and make that happen. Moving on! The Streak concerns Mean Mark's Wrestlemania winning streak, but Cash Grab: The 4-Disc Set would be a more fitting title. I should delineate why I'm so appalled by this glorified promo package. I'm an ardent 'Taker fan. My proclivity for The Phenom is borderline unhealthy. One of the reasons why I hold him in high regard is because he has given the "WWE Universe" every ounce of passion that subsists in his 6'10" frame.

Now, he doesn't owe us anything. However, there is something I want to see before I die, and for the most part, the powers that be have not delivered. I'm assuming that Mark's dedication to preserving kayfabe has mired the development of a shoot-style documentary looking back at his entire career. I get it, but there is a part of me that wants him to retire already so that he can contribute to an exhaustive retrospective (out of character, of course). Recently, wrestlers such as Chris Jericho, Edge, Randy Orton and CM Punk have allowed themselves to be interviewed for the sake of affording us an enlightening, entertaining DVD that gift-wraps their achievements. For Edgeheads, The Rated-R Superstar's personal narrative provided closure. I guess that's what I want. Closure. It goes without saying that The Streak fails in dispensing real insight into what makes Mark Calaway tick.

The main feature? A 45-minute account of each of The Deadman's Wrestlemania bouts. It breezes by without a tinge of verve or efficacy, and the early matches are glossed over. "Talking head" comments weave in and out. Obviously, no one offers an original thought that we haven't heard before. You could argue that a number of interview segments are genuine, but every single word feels scripted. Moreover, there are surprising omissions. We don't hear from Vince McMahon (or Stephanie, for that matter). We don't even hear from Glen Jacobs, a guy who plays The Undertaker's half-brother. Glen isn't particularly shy when it comes to granting shoot interviews, so his truancy is rather puzzling.

In a cruel twist of...cruelness, this main feature takes up a whole disc. A whole goddamn disc! This could have easily been a 2-disc set. The other three (!) discs are comprised of the Wrestlemania matches in question. Who cares? All of these encounters can be found on other DVD's (not to mention YouTube). Extras are minimal. There are no commentaries. Bah. The Undertaker: The Streak is only worth purchasing if you're a 7-year-old who believes that a cool dude on TV can brandish lightning at will and that a leprechaun has been calling the shots from underneath the ring with an anonymous IP address. Oh, and I don't care what anyone says; 'Taker's match against Giant Gonzalez at WM9 was a blast.

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