TALE OF A VAMPIRE (1992)
Julian Sands enjoyed a prolific run in the early 90's, starring in a strand of mid-level genre films ranging from the cordially crass (Warlock: The Armageddon) to the duteously fatuous (Naked Lunch). He's popular among horror freaks, and it's easy to see why. Dudes respect his bold chops, especially as a villain. Chicks get off on the vulnerability he brings to a character. That sounds boorish, but ladies, you know it's true. I don't mind telling you that he made my undergarments curl in jocundity as Alex, a vampiric centenarian who develops a sexually tense rapport with a grieving lass. She is the spitting image of a lost love, a lost love who may have been involved with more than one creature of the night.
We're talking about Tale of a Vampire, a modest movie that must have had foresight. It prognosticated the pseudo-romance we find in today's weepy, lachrymose epics where an unbelievably handsome wolf of a charmer lights up a sad girl's vagina. As a general rule, I don't care for those pictures. But this puppy has Julian Sands. And it's shot incredibly well. Unfortunately, it's slower than a glacier wearing ankle weights (hmm). I mean, it's really, really fucking slow. No kidding. I'll go ahead and recommend it anyway if you're big on pale gentlemen and fruit bats.