Parts Unknown #52: Raw

You wouldn't think that The Rock's birthday celebration would be boring, but it was. I'll cut to the chase...

PROS

~ Lillian Garcia's rendition of "The National Anthem" and Rocky's recital of The Pledge of Allegiance were both maudlin displays of patriotism, but they didn't bother me. It was a feelgood way to start the show.

~ R-Truth's new finisher. Really, I liked everything about his drubbing of John Morrison. I can see Truth being one of Vince's top heels in the near future.

~ Kharma! Kelly Kelly did a great job of selling fright and Maryse did a great job of selling a particularly brutal Implant Buster (in fact, it wouldn't surprise me if one of her implants busted).

~ The match between Rey Mysterio/Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre. Match of the night, which is pretty fucking pathetic.

~ I dig how Kane and The Big Show are putting Mason Ryan over. I was pleasantly surprised, as I was expecting a standard squash. This kid might have a future.

~ Vinnie Mac...he didn't do much, but what can I say? I missed him.

CONS

~ A birthday party on WWE television needs conflict to be entertaining. Initially, I thought that maybe John Cena or The Miz would crash the festivities, but no, it was close to an hour of figurative fellatio (that's if you count the unfunny backstage bits). Was this Monday Night Raw or a Hall of Fame induction ceremony? Okay, I smiled when Michael Cole choked on a Rock Bottom and The People's Elbow. That's all I smiled at. Oh, and stop calling yourself Dwayne Johnson. When you're in a wrestling ring, you are The (fucking) Rock.

~ The Miz/Cena match. It was painfully predictable. Any other time, the heel would get away with cheating behind the referee's back. Does this mean that Cena will be champion until Wrestlemania 28? Ugh, I hope not.

Goodnight, dear readers!