Dolls

Thanks, Franco!  Who the hell is Franco?  He's a monkey (from outer space) who hooked me up with a copy of 1987's Dolls.  Man, it shouldn't be so difficult to locate a Stuart Gordon venture in this day and age, but here we are.  I was in the right frame of mind to partake of an 80's horror potluck.  I wanted the works.  Anachronous fashion, awkwardly angular dialogue, in-camera gore effects...y'know, the works!  I remember seeing shavings of Dolls as a teenager, but that was on television.  Clearly, I needed to feel the undocked, unexpurgated tactility of this protoplasm.

I was not disappointed.  At the time, hard-nosed gorehounds lamented what they perceived to be a subdued production, but with all due respect, those folks can get bent.  Dolls is rad.  If you're in the market for a synopsis, try this on for size (bear in mind, I couldn't corral beachfront property within your budget): an uppity couple is on vacation.  Their car gets fucked in the mud, so they're forced to walk to the nearest sign of civilization.  Yeah, it's that kind of movie.  They stumble upon an enormous manor occupied by elderly artisans.  Bratty hitchhikers also arrive with their easily flustered chauffeur of sorts.  Basically, a scene is set and potential victims are established in an "old, dark house" scenario.

If you can make allowances for the clichés, you have a pleen-smelting (?) soiree of spooktacular delights on your hands.  You can tell that Stu (I'm positive that we would have been on a first-name basis) was having a blast in the director's chair, even if the shoot proved to be grievous and enervating.  An entire year was spent devising the doll effects.  Stop-motion was employed, and yes, it ruled my world.  I realize that stop-motion animation causes many to curl their upper lip, but to me, it looks no less ridiculous than CGI.  There are good and bad examples of both.  I get it.  And I feel like I've argued this point before, so I'll change the subject.

The cast is adroit.  Everyone plays their part with precision, but I do wish that we had one more protagonist to cheer.  Dolls is swarming with scuzzbags and scalawags.  What is this, a giallo?  The only other pitfall I care to address involves the pace, although Gordon does a commendable job of keeping the chain of events reasonably expedient.  There are simply too many spots where a character grabs either a candle or a flashlight and decides to go on a goddamn scavenger hunt through dark corridors.  I'm sorry, but that's the quickest way to immobilize my pulse.

Dolls deserves credit for anticipating the "killer doll" furor that would soon follow in its furrow.  You fucking furby.  Um, anyhow.  This flick took a creepy scene in Poltergeist to the next ten levels.  For that, I salute thee.  Robert Z'Dar says, "Don't forget the teddy bear monster.  The teddy bear monster is great."