Rassle Inn #24

I'll get back to splintering horror movies soon, but I don't make the schedule.  Okay, I'm in charge of this website's schedule, dubious though it may be, but I didn't decide to run a wrestling PPV over the weekend.  Okay, I did.  I'm Tony Khan.  Holy shitting fuck, I'm exhausted.  No, but I am tired.  This is Dom talking again.  See that adorable labradoodle puppy being cradled by AEW World Champion (more on that in a sexual second) "Hangman" Adam Page?  I've had a stuffed animal for most of my life that looks exactly like...erm, Unnamed Hangpup.  Isn't it cuuuuute?

Right, so if you follow wrestling media or lurk on message boards (if those are a thing in 2021; I'm desperately out of touch), you have heard plenty of racket about storylines and how long-term prevarication - that's not the right word.  It implies deceit.  Certainly, you can't say that the brain trust behind AEW's main event programs was ever trying to deceive the public.  They basically laid it out three years ago.  Page was going to be their guy.  Omega would have a part to play, and by a punctilious fluke that wasn't really a fluke at all, the two box office attractions have great chemistry.

Page's first title reign should last for at least six months.  He hasn't been injury prone, so you don't have to worry that he'll trot out his impersonation of Kyrie Irving.  Is he photogenic?  It should be obvious, but I can answer that question.  Several female friends have commented on the "hot cowboy" on TV, and some of them don't even watch wrestling (pretty sure they do now).  Merch?  Catchphrases?  Real.  Cowboy.  Shit.  It's fucking brilliant!  Slap it on mugs, shirts, bumper stickers, and marshmallow dispensers.  And caskets.  I mean, why let Gene Simmons have all the fun?

I wanted to focus on "Hangman" Adam Page, but Full Gear offered a full card of exquisite pro-rasslin' action.  There were three Match of the Year candidates by my count.  M.J.F. versus Darby Allin was technically flawless, and I approved of the finish.  That's important.  I have to approve of this (cowboy) shit.  Eddie and Punk?  Wow.  That was a goddamn fight.  I loved every brutal, unfeeling moment.  What was the third epic encounter, you inquire?  The main event!  Do I need to spell everything out for you?

After close examination, I could see myself in a committed relationship with Mr. Page.  He has what I'm missing in my life right now.  Stability.  Also, cock.  Stability and cock.