WATCHERS III (1994)
If you've seen Predator, you have seen Watchers III. Hell, if you've seen Xtro 3: Watch the Skies, you have seen Watchers III. This project never had a chance. The cast is crowned by Wings Hauser, so I was hopeful, blithe even. Blithe! He plays Ferguson, a convict chosen to squire a covey of military grunts into the jungles of South America to capture The Outsider. If you've been following along at home, you know that The Outsider is a monstrosity created to engage in combat apace with our troops. You also know that a golden retriever was designated with the ability to guide its heinous counterpart into battle. The plot is so ridiculous, it comes close to carrying Watchers III across the finish line single-handedly.
Hauser could persuade me to drive my wheelchair through a wall of conflagrant cinder blocks. It goes without saying that he delivers a fine-tuned performance (I imagine that absinthe was involved), but his cohorts come off as limp and abstracted. I expected more from Gregory Scott Cummins, the furrowed star of Hack-O-Lantern. I'm a fan of the creature suit. And the gore is saucy, but that's all I can say in favor of this languid sequel. Man, I need to watch Hack-O-Lantern again.
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