NIGHTSCREAM (1997)
Way to go, Paul. That's right. I'm naming you! You deserve to be tarred and feathered in public for giving me this...this unseemly case of vaginal yeast. Why am I defrocking this Paul character, and what is the recommended treatment for vaginal yeast? First of all, I'll need a pelvic exam. Then I'll have to test my vaginal secretions. And finally, Paul is the >insert profane noun here< who "gifted" me a copy of NightScream, a made-for-Lifetime (I'm assuming) domestic thriller of sorts that finds Candace Cameron at the center of a convoluted murder mystery. You see, her doppelganger was brutally dispatched, and her boyfriend may have been involved. Or killed. It's not altogether clear. Nothing is altogether clear.
I take that back. NightScream establishes one truism. If you have a penis, you are either a criminal or a corrupt official of some distinction. Casper Van Dien collects a paycheck as a seedy suitor. Teri Garr plays a woman who doesn't react to learning that her husband is the town heavy, a veritable monster covering for his rapist son. Oh, spoiler warning. This film, much like arsenic, is not meant for human consumption. A quick trip to IMDb tells me everything I need to know about director Noel Nosseck. He specializes in made-for-TV scrapings. Just forget that you ever knew about NightScream. It's muck. Swill. Bottom of the barrel. I think I've made my point.
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